It’s one of those “I’ve only seen up to Thursday” kind of weeks, but I’ve got enough thoughts to fill a novel, and most of them are negative ones about Toadie needing to bring his attitudes forward from the 1950s, and how Paul is the biggest garbage human on the planet. I also have a few thoughts about Karl’s enthusiasm for getting hold of every pair of testicles in Erinsborough in the cancer-testing booth, but more of that later.

Harlow is Back to Being Evil

Yes! All praise the gods of Halloween, because Harlow has relapsed after her brief stint of being cured of being a jerk, and is back to her newfound villainous ways. After her initial hissyfit, she seemed to take her demotion with grace, but has since grown increasingly more infuriated by the audacity of Chloe (who is part of the management) to tell her (part of the housekeeping team) what to do at work. I’ve got news for Harlow – this is kind of how workplaces function, unless you’re the CEO there is always going to be someone telling you what to do. This is obviously not acceptable to a Robinson, and so Harlow has been showing copious amounts of attitude every time Chloe says anything to her.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy.

After learning that there’s an unofficial rule that Lassiters staff can get a free drink at the end of their shift from the Waterhole or the Flamingo Bar, Harlow debates whether to keep it to herself or dob everyone in. She decides to keep it to herself, and even goes so far as to partake in the perk, but she immediately gets sprung by Terese, who doesn’t know about it. Chloe quickly covers for her and says Harlow’s drink was her shout as a reward for hard work so Harlow doesn’t get into trouble, and Chloe gets congratulated by Terese for rewarding her staff. Even though Chloe saves Harlow’s bacon, because she warns Harlow not to abuse the perk, Harlow is left in yet another fit of rage and regrets not running to tell tales to Terese and Paul about the free drinks in the first place. She’s being such a brat, and I absolutely love it. I want her to embrace her inner evil and start dressing like a villain too. Let’s stop with the pastel crop tops and get her into some proper villain clothes.

Toadie Needs to Chill the Heck Out

I’m so mad with Toadie this week. Under the guise of trying to protect Nell and Hugo from Amy’s lifestyle, he basically slut shames her for her polyamorous relationship. I’m usually a big Toadie fan, but I would like to yell in his face for this. Firstly, there is nobody in the world more accepting than kids, so asking Amy to keep her relationship secret from Nell and Hugo is just a thinly veiled attempt to disguise his own disapproval. Most kids would accept it if you told them that someone had fifteen boyfriends, and one of them was a purple unicorn called Gareth – literally, all it takes is a conversation. It’s fair enough not to want gross PDAs in the house in front of the kids, but that would go for any flavour of relationship and is just common courtesy, but asking her to hide her whole lifestyle is ridiculous. What exactly is he trying to protect them from? They’re not going to be confused if he just takes five minutes to explain it to them and answer their questions. It’s all just a front for the fact that he doesn’t understand or approve, and obviously has some very old-fashioned opinions about women and their sex lives. Meanwhile, he’s getting naked on the patio for Melanie and kissing Rose when he’s supposed to be trying to fix his relationship. Sort yourself out, Toadie, you’re making yourself look like an idiot.

Paul is Inexplicably Still Not in the Bin

How is this man still able to just go about his business without someone having taken him down to the recycling centre and deposited him in the ‘General Waste’ section? The way he’s trying desperately to keep his blackmailing of Nicolette secret is reminiscent of someone trying to play Whack-A-Mole. Every time he solves one issue that threatens to reveal him, another one pops up from somewhere else. He’s managed to get rid of Jesse by guilting David into warning him away from Terese for the sake of her mental health, but he wasn’t quite able to prevent Terese from going to visit her arch-nemesis, Julie, in prison, where she will be in danger of finding out that he lied about the Quills’ debts in order to use the bank loan to buy a random baby (not that he knows he’s bought a random, of course).

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

I think the meeting between Terese and Julie was supposed to be some big dramatic showdown, but I actually found myself caring very little about it because nothing of any real consequence came of it. What is infinitely more tantalizing is the fact that Jesse’s sudden departure has unnerved Terese immensely, and she’s going to be like a dog with a bone until she figures out what’s going on, so it surely can’t be long before she finds out that it’s Paul and David’s fault that her surrogate child (who couldn’t be less like Josh, by the way) has legged it to Sydney. Paul is just a walking red flag at this point because he’s trapped in this weird cycle of doing these extravagantly immoral things to protect his family, but then he subsequently has to keep lying to them all in order to try to hide his dubious behaviour. When Terese finds out about this one, she’s going to go stratospheric, and Paul may well come home to find all his belongings on the lawn of number 22.

There’s a Shifty Woman in the Coffee Shop

Another thing that I think is going to aid in the dismantling of Paul’s elaborate web of lies is the shifty woman in the coffee shop who has more than a passing interest in baby Isla. She has to be something to do with the kidnapping, and I am so excited to see this mystery get resolved, and for Paul to get absolutely dragged for what he’s done. Bring. It. On.

Everyone Goes Balls-Out for Karl

Cancer is no joke, and getting your bits and bobs checked by a doctor is a terrific idea, but would I get mine out in front of my neighbour in a hotel complex? Probably not, even if it is through an anonymous hole-in-the-wall testing booth. Would I appreciate said neighbour accosting me at every given opportunity to enquire whether I’d been to push my bits and bobs through the testing hole? Definitely not. I don’t want to discuss my genitals with anyone to who I say hello to when I take the bins out. I appreciate Karl’s enthusiasm, but given his track record on confidentiality, I’d be driving three suburbs over to get any of my special areas checked by a doctor, thank you very much…