Well. What a week on Neighbours! Despite not really knowing where to start with it all, I’m going to cut the waffle and dive right in.

Bad News For Hendrix

The very presence of the testicular cancer testing booth in the Lassiters complex meant that someone on Ramsay Street was sure to have some sort of health drama, and the unlucky winner of this particular lottery is Hendrix. The poor kid goes to get tested mostly to stop Karl from nagging him and is told in the middle of the hotel complex that the doctor has detected a lump, which would be bad news at the best of times, but seems somehow worse when you’re being told outside Rebecchi Law. Poor Hendrix was just getting back to being his adorable cheeky self after all the dad drama, gambling, loan sharks, and death threats, and this threatens to derail him once again, which I’m really sad about. The upside is that it means we’re probably going to be treated to Benny Turland knocking it out of the park (as usual) in upcoming episodes.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

An Ode to Toad

Well, this storyline contains mixed blessings for me. An army of amateur sleuths/gossips helps Melanie uncover the dastardly deeds that Rose has been up to in order to win Toadie back, and they join forces to help her make a cringeworthy video declaring her love for Toadie, which is played at the film festival. Rose finally gets the message that there isn’t a future for her and Toadie, so hopefully, we’ve seen the back of at least one of his annoying love interests now. Alas, we’re still left with Melanie, but I do think she’s the lesser of two evils at the moment.

Baby Mama Drama

The tentpole storyline of the whole week was the disappearance of baby Isla. In the middle of the firework display at the film festival, Isla is swiped from David and Aaron’s car, and all hell breaks loose. Levi is way too busy banging Amy to bother with any kind of police work, so it’s left to Chloe, Harlow, Terese, and Roxy to figure out who stole Isla and who she might be – and she just happens to be the baby’s biological mother.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

The police manage to track her down, and everyone is just breathing a sigh of relief that the baby is OK when in walks Nicolette holding the real Isla. She’s awfully casual for a woman who sold a baby a matter of weeks ago, she just strolls in and drops the bombshell that the baby David and Aaron thought was Isla isn’t actually their daughter at all. Everyone is so furious with Paul for paying Nicolette to give up the baby that they’re too busy to give Nicolette too much of a roasting, and she largely gets away quite lightly with the whole thing. She’s even bold enough to let herself into the house the next day so that David and Aaron just find her casually sitting on the settee. Honestly, she’s got such a massive set of balls that she should really get down to the complex to have them examined before they pack up the testing booth.

David and Aaron are obviously devastated by the revelation that they’ve been caring for someone else’s baby, and they’re probably in shock, but if I were them I’d be straight on the phone to social services. They want their daughter to live with them, and what better way to make that happen than to show that Nicolete is the sort of woman who would sell someone else’s baby to a dodgy man in a trenchcoat? Isn’t selling babies a crime? Why is nobody investigating the legality of what Nicolette did? She sold a baby!

Leo’s Timing is Impeccable

Leo walks in the door pretty much at the exact moment that everyone is wondering who Fake Isla actually belongs to, and his timing couldn’t be more perfect. Surprise, Leo – you have a daughter. I’m a massive dummy, and I did not see this twist coming, even though I did think to myself that Nicolette would have had to source a very specific ethnicity of the baby to get away with the old switcheroo. If I’d have just had that particular thought all the way to the end, I might have figured this one out. Bravo, Neighbours – this one is genius. I’m secretly hoping that Leo will be an absolutely hopeless mess of a dad because that will be very entertaining.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

An ApPauling Mess

Oh, how the mighty have fallen. As Paul’s lies slowly begin to unravel, he probably should have the good sense to just tear off the plaster all at once and come clean about everything, but what he does instead is let all the juicy details of his scheming drip out bit by bit. When Jane finds out that part of his deal with Nicolette was that she could never come home or contact any of them again, she belts Paul across the face. I’m not a fan of violence as a solution to anything, but it was so satisfying.

Meanwhile, Terese is hustling around the neighbourhood finding out from everyone exactly what they know about Paul’s scheming and lying. She’s already about as furious as it’s possible to be without rupturing something when Aaron tells her that Paul is the reason that Jesse left town because he was getting a bit too close to the truth about where the money for the Quill deal had gone. This is the final straw for Terese, and she unleashes the fury of a thousand suns on Paul and it is absolutely glorious. She really lets him have it, and the sensible thing for Paul to do would be to beg for forgiveness, but instead, he doubles down with a ferocity that I haven’t seen since the last time Piers Morgan got yelled at for saying something horrendous on Twitter. While Terese is unleashing hellfire on him, he hits back with some real classics such as, “Aaron needs to get over it”, “Josh is dead and nothing is ever going to bring him back,” and “I’d do it all again to stop that sociopath stealing David’s child”. Sociopath? It takes one to know one, Paul. Terese yells that he disgusts her, and orders him out of her house. I genuinely almost applauded – what a magnificent scene. I can’t wait to see the whole of Erinsborough reacting to Paul’s latest behaviour – he’s going to have it rough for a while and he absolutely deserves it.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy