© Channel 5

Does anyone else feel like Neighbours needs a big, juicy storyline at the moment? I feel like there are lots of little bitty things going on, but no big drama outside of the Emmett/Brent situation, which I. Am. Bored. Of.

I still found a few things worth talking about from last week’s UK episodes though!

Baby Mama Drama

Who could have predicted that it might be a bad idea to enter into a precarious and not legally binding parenting arrangement with someone you’ve known only briefly and who has a pattern of being deceitful? Me. I did. And everyone else watching Neighbours probably did as well. Not Aaron and David though!

Getting squashed by some IKEA furniture and almost losing her baby was clearly very traumatic for Nicolette, but she has immediately started issuing threats about not handing over the baby unless they stop worrying about the distressed missing teenager and focus all of their attention on her. She’s being a brat. Yes, her and the baby’s health is important and yes, Brent and Emmett had a hand in what happened, but Nicolette was the one who went down to the Hive when she already had suspicions about there being something dodgy going on. It was her decision to put herself at risk, so quite why she’s putting all the blame on Brent and Emmett is a bit of a mystery to me, and issuing threats about not handing over the baby is a pretty low move. This parenting arrangement is going to be a disaster. 

Lucas Has Heard of Confidentiality

In a shocking turn of events, it appears that someone on Neighbours has heard of confidentiality and understands that it’s bad to breach it. Hallelujah! Bea is fixing New Sheila’s car and while she’s working on it, she sees a file with Ned’s name on it, so she has a look. It’s basically a dossier on Ned’s whole life, including his nudey Fandangle photos, so rather than stop and have a thought all the way to the end, Bea jumps to the conclusion that Sheila is a crazy stalker. She steals the file and shows Yashvi, who then takes it straight to Ned. None of them stop and think for even a second that a smart and experienced businesswoman might want to know who runs the facility she’s interested in buying, they all just assume that she’s a stalker-like Scarlet. It all gets ironed out, although New Sheila rightfully doesn’t let Bea or Yashvi off the hook too easily, because of crossed wires between Levi and Bea, he ends up dropping her in it with Lucas, who fires her straight away. Someone on Neighbours actually understands the concept of confidentiality! Incredible scenes.

You’re fired! Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Get in the Bin, Paul

As if he wasn’t enough of a garbage human last week, Paul actively tries to get rid of Emmett, despite insisting that he’s fond of the kid. With all the drama with Brent and Emmett, and Nicolette not wanting them around her or the baby, Paul gets in touch with Emmett’s mum and gets her to come back to Erinsborough without running it by Emmett or his foster parents first. What was he thinking? Aaron and David are annoyed at first, but then they act like it was a great idea. Are they all high? This is a kid who’s been shunted around from home to home, he has abandonment issues, his brother is missing, and there’s a history of problems between him and his alcoholic mother. But it won’t do any harm to get her back here without speaking to him about it first, will it? Let’s just spring it on him with no warning! And then she gets there and drops the bombshell that she wants to take him back to New Zealand with her. Are they trying to traumatize Emmett? Someone call Layla!

I Thought Hendrix and Mackenzie Were Bad…

So, I may have mentioned a couple of times that I wasn’t on board with Hendrix and Mackenzie as a couple, but then another romantic pairing came along, and now Hendrix and Mackenzie don’t seem so bad. I just cannot with Toadie and Melanie. First of all, I thought I might have unwittingly slipped into a coma for a week, because this fling between them came absolutely out of nowhere, to the extent that the initial stages of it had to be retconned in a flashback scene. It’s the laziest writing I’ve seen in a long while, it’s like they decided to make them a couple but then realized they’d written nothing to make us believe it, so they quickly had to go back and shoehorn something in. They’re a bizarre, cringey couple with no real chemistry, and I just don’t buy it. Add to that the fact that there are animal noises and sex in every location other than a private bedroom, and the whole thing has me wishing that brain bleach is a thing. Please make it stop, and I promise I’ll stop moaning about Hendrix and Mackenzie. 

No, thank you. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy