© Channel 5

I’ve finally managed to watch a full week of Neighbours! So without further ado, let’s round up what happened in the UK episodes last week.

Roxy Does a Runner

Roxy is now part of the Canning clan, and if there’s one thing she’s learned from them it’s that if you happen to make a mess of someone else’s life, the best thing to do is to just keep meddling until you make it ten times worse. That’s why she decides to put on the world’s most ill-fitting shirt and attempt to smooth things over with the councilwoman who shut down the tram after her mushroom mishap. During the conversation, it becomes clear that the councilwoman is gay, so when Roxy’s shirt pops open and she starts saying she’d do anything to help Kyle, the councilwoman gets the wrong end of the stick and thinks Roxy is propositioning her. Literally, everyone in Erinsborough believes that Roxy probably did flash her boobs to try to get the tram out of trouble, and so she decides to run away back to Darwin, which is a tad dramatic. Sheila goes after her to the airport and somehow manages to find Roxy at her departure gate, so presumably, she bought a plane ticket somewhere and went through security in order to give her a pep talk. In a huge anticlimax, Roxy comes home, Kyle forgives her and the tram is allowed to reopen.

The World’s Most Boring Couple Patch Things Up

Mushroomgate is well and truly put to bed as Levi and Bea, the couple with quite possibly the least amount of chemistry in televisual history, make up over whatever specific aspect of it they were arguing about. I don’t particularly have anything against Levi or Bea, aside from her spontaneous singing, but as a couple, they’re so boring. There is literally no spark between them at all and quite honestly it makes me want them both to get into that stupid go-kart they made and roll off into the sunset.

Dipi is The Worst

I’ve completely had it with Dipi. She hears that Amy is putting in an application to rent a shop space in the complex, and it rings major alarm bells because it means Amy will be sticking around long term. First, Dipi goes to Terese and asks her to refuse Amy’s application, which is absolutely pathetic and a totally unreasonable thing to ask of your landlady. When Terese refuses, Dipi then swipes the application off her desk, having just passed Amy on her way in. Even Amy is smart enough to figure out who took her application, and Dipi has to confess to Shane, who is furious. Dipi then decides that now’s a good time to tell Shane that she’s still in love with him and wants them to get back together. Really, Dipi? Do you think that now is the best moment to drop that particular bombshell? Talk about bad timing. Shane thinks about it but then tells her it’s too late. I don’t really know what she was expecting.

Nobody wants Shane and Amy to be a thing Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Hendrix Just Cannot Get Anything Right

Part of me feels sorry for Hendrix and part of me just thinks he needs to get in the bin for a bit. He seems pathologically incapable of accepting that Harlow doesn’t want to get back together with him, to the extent that he tricks her into coming over and surprises her with a romantic picnic, which could only have been more cringey if he’d put the flower he was holding between his teeth instead. I’m really not sure a picnic is enough to apologize for selling Harlow’s Christmas present, accidentally gambling away a house he didn’t own, and getting Harlow kidnapped. I would definitely need more than a few sandwiches and a can of Coke to get over all that. Harlow is absolutely furious, but on the plus side, it might just have penetrated Hendrix’s skull that his relationship with Harlow is really over this time.

Not content with making a total tit of himself in front of Harlow, Hendrix gets into a shouting match with Brent, who granted is being a bit of a cretin, and the upshot of it is that his laptop ends up getting smashed. Hendrix uses Susan’s computer instead, because Susan has clearly never even heard the words “password” or “security”, and he sees Brent’s confidential school file on there. He decides to copy it to a USB stick but somehow manages to share it to the school server where everyone can see Brent’s past academic reports, foster care record, juvenile criminal record, and psychiatric evaluations. Honestly, Hendrix is just a walking dumpster fire in slip-on shoes and no socks at the moment.

© Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Toadie and Melanie Become Latest Comedy Duo

It’s been a while since we had a proper comedy duo on Neighbours, and all the best ones include Toadie, so I am pretty excited for whatever madcap antics he’s going to get up to with Melanie. As a thank you for her hard work as his new PA, Toadie decides to take Melanie out for dinner, only it’s Valentine’s Day and he immediately follows up the invitation by telling her that he dated his previous PA. Melanie then confides that she slept with Paul when she was his PA, and they both come to the conclusion that the other one has romantic feelings for them, which is compounded when Toadie gets what he thinks is a Valentine’s Day card from Melanie. For a lawyer, Toadie is so dim sometimes. Did he really think that talking to his new PA about how he was romantically involved with his last PA was a particularly appropriate thing to do immediately after asking her to go to dinner on Valentine’s Day? No wonder his clients get sent to prison if he commits verbal blunders like that. They go through with dinner, but both bring a friend as a buffer, leading to Clive and Kyle having to figure out what’s going on and set them both straight. I love a comedy storyline, so I’m hoping there are going to be plenty of laughs with Melanie and Toadie, and, let’s face it, Melanie’s laugh is pretty spectacular.

© Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy