Something on Wednesday night’s Neighbours reminded me why I’ve been watching this show since I was 8-years-old, and that is because it is absolutely ridiculous.

Those of us who have been in this Neighbours hole, and unable to get out for decades, just let the ridiculous story lines wash over us and accept them, but have you ever tried explaining some of the story lines to people who don’t watch Neighbours? That’s when you truly realize how absolutely bonkers they are.

Explain this to someone who doesn’t watch Neighbours: one of the long-lost twins of a local businessman goes to visit his evil half brother (who incidentally is one of triplets), who is in prison for putting a bomb on an aeroplane in order to kill their dad. And while this meeting is taking place, the prisoner’s long-lost daughter turns up. There are so many mental hoops to jump through to get to this point, including the fact that Paul’s long-lost relatives seem to arrive at a similar sort of regularity to leap years.

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The long-lost daughter of Paul’s evil triplet. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy.

Trying to explain the whole Dee/Andrea story line to someone who doesn’t watch the show would be quite the challenge as well. A man’s wife died on their wedding day in the nineties when their car plunged off a cliff, then fifteen years later her doppelgänger tricked him into thinking she was his dead wife returned from her watery grave, tried to convince him he was the father of her child, which he wasn’t, but then he got her pregnant and she had his baby. Then her mildly psychopathic mother pretended to be a nanny so she could poison his current wife, who eventually died, and now his original dead wife has actually turned up, only this time it’s for reals. And I’ve even missed a good few things out there because nobody’s got time for all that.

And what about Finn? That one never gets old. He’s a teacher who poisoned the school principal, groomed a student, posed as a disabled man called Patrick in order to date his ex-girlfriend’s sister, locked three women in a shipping container, tried to perpetrate a chemical attack on the school, got pushed off a cliff, and now has retrograde amnesia. Oh, and he lives with the woman who pushed him off the cliff. And the woman he was dating when he was pretending to be Patrick. And his ex-girlfriend who once ran him over. I may have forgotten to mention that minor detail at the beginning.

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Finn’s had quite the life. Photo: © Channel 5 Source: Digital Spy

And then there are all the weird family relationships. We currently have two men, Gary and Paul, who are dating their respective sons’ exes, and one of these exes, Terese, has fallen out with her niece because the niece found out Terese used to date her boyfriend. Terese is also the mother of the wife (Imogen) of her partner’s nephew (Daniel) and they fell in love after they got trapped down a well on the day Daniel should have been marrying the daughter of the woman who ran off with Terese’s husband.

I’ve gone cross-eyed.

I could go on and on with this, it entertains me so much. I even ran these explanations by a friend of mine who doesn’t watch, and her responses were mostly expletives and lots of laughing emojis, and she had a lot of questions. Probably the only reaction of hers I can reproduce here is when she said it was all “bananas.”

But this is why I watch Neighbours. If I wanted gritty reality, I’d go somewhere other than Ramsay Street. I want Neighbours to always be completely and utterly bananas.