American Horror Story: Apocalypse Dragged Its Feet in Episode 9 “Fire & Reign”

We rejoin Mutt and Jeff as they guide Michael toward his apocalyptic path and get some answers we’d been waiting for since the first episode– who is the Cooperative? The Illuminati of course! And they’ve all made deals with the devil, and subsequently Michael and he’s come to collect. We see the doomsday bunker outpost planning and the rest is history! But the following reveal is where the show derailed for us and it never sucked us back in. Michael decides it’s time to exterminate his witchy adversaries and enlists Dinah to undo the protective spells surrounding the Coven’s school [we haven’t forgiven her yet and Cordelia reviving her later at the Outpost has us annoyed].

Michael and his artificial Ms. Meade make short work of almost the entire Coven and we can’t express how disappointed and almost angry we are that they folded so easily. We shouldn’t be surprised after are Coven rewatch that Zoe was basically useless in a crisis (but remember when she actually did defend herself during that zombie attack? Where was that badassery?!). What’s our lesson here kiddos? Ask questions second and use more offensive magic than telekinesis first. Maybe your killer snatch, or maybe Queenie should focus less on Meade and more on Michael. She at least used her voodoo powers aggressively, and we love her for it and mourn her for the umpteenth time, but kill the antichrist, not his lackey!

Luckily, Cordelia escapes with Myrtle and their savior-in-training Mallory, along with Coco and Madison who all go into hiding in Misty Day’s old hut. Cordelia attempts to project to the house to revive her girls but continues to fail when Madison finally thinks to reveal Michael’s ability to destroy souls. So they turn to their last hope, Mallory, and test her for the power of tempest infinitum which has never been a confirmed gift, bit if she has it she could travel to the past and alter history. Here is where they unnecessarily have Mallory project back to 1913 and attempt to save the Romanovs. Why? Because little Anastasia was a witch who wasn’t powerful enough to save her family from execution. The entire thing felt cheaply done and like a Ryan Murphy wet dream more than anything at all necessary or relevant to the show so…call me Judy, but I’m judging. Mallory fails, of course, and Myrtle gives her a pep talk that leads to them seeking the help of the warlocks, who, SURPRISE, were already massacred by Michael and left poised in a terrifying pentagram position in what would become the future outpost.

Speaking of the future outpost, we catch an almost unnecessary glimpse of Venable attempting to quit her job when they offer her the position of outpost overseer with the autonomy to create her own societal rules. It almost didn’t need to be explained. Then the episode ends with Michael presenting his apocalyptic plans to the Illuminati and we are left waiting for any hints of resolution until the finale which looks like it may boil down to Mallory changing the past to save the world without a major showdown. We just don’t know that the last 40 minutes of the season is enough to cover Cordelia and her non amnesia’d cohorts Mrtyle and Madison’s time between fallout and their arrival to the outpost and to also resolve the present day. We are also questioning why Michael didn’t erase Mallory’s soul when he realized she was a witch during his sanctuary interviews. So many unanswered questions and so little time! Be sure not to miss the highly anticipated finale tonight, Wednesday, November 14th on FX.