American Horror Story: Roanoke is delivering us everything, but most importantly it’s giving us this little break-out star,

FLORA:

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Source: American Horror Story / FX

More precisely,

Saniyya Sidney.  She is Lee Millers daughter and comes to visit the murderous/haunted/creepy/poorly wallpapered Farm House!

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Source: American Horror Story / FX

(Not a direct quote, but it captures the sentiment of the scene)

Flora is everything you want in a child horror actress, not that we didn’t all just get won over by a whole group of them or anything, she is smart, independent, beyond her years, and not afraid to drop the truth about her creepy new “imaginary” friend Priscilla that she met within hours of entering the house.  Flora’s main quirk is playing hide and seek without letting anyone know they are playing, and while on an excursion with her poltergeist imaginary friend, her parents find her offering her doll to an invisible Priscilla as a peace offering for her new friend to not slaughter everyone in the house.

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Source: American Horror Story / FX

So AHS is finally giving us the elements of children we were promised, and we couldn’t be going “NOPE, GIRL RUN” any harder at the spectacular delivery.

FAUNA:

We finally see the origins of pigman,

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Source: American Horror Story / FX

(For your comfort we provided a wide shot of the human sacrifice(?), but we are still miffed they are reusing the Minotaur setup)

We also saw a more current incarnation when Lee Miller sees him approaching her in a mirror while in a drunken stupor when she falls off the sober wagon

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Source: American Horror Story / FX

And while the scene did read over dramatic, we all would’ve reacted the same way, “D:” face and all.

And speaking of monsters–the internet thinks we have found the Mother Monster we’ve been waiting to spot.

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Source: American Horror Story / FX

The makeup makes her hard to place, but no one else could rock an animal skull strapped to their head.

FILM:

Bringing us to FIVE timelines, the Millers opened a cellar near the house and found another video tape, this one offering more explanation–

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Source: American Horror Story / FX

This novelist moved into the house in the 90′s to research the history of the two “creepy nurses” that made it into an assisted murder home.  He revealed that he was hiding in the cellar from whatever was haunting the property (Kathy Bates, Priscilla, Pigman, Lady Gaga) and that it is driving him insane and this is likely his last video.

He did provide insight to the nurses and the homes history surrounding the two nurses Matt had seen an apparition of with the nurses killing an elderly woman.

Unfortunately, the nurses over dramatic attempts at being crazy come off about as well as Jared Leto’s Joker when he is out of costume. Even the murder of patients in an order to spell out MURDER which they spray painted on the wall like real, edgy nurses would, felt a little goofy and not quite…..scary.

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Source: American Horror Story / FX

Interestingly tho, the nurses are based on the actual true story of Gwen Graham and Cathy Wood, who were convicted for the murder of 5 patients in 1988.  In the true story, the nurses were much sneakier and less outwardly eccentric.  The show did nail the murder by suffocation with washcloth tho, and the real nurses had intended to spell out MURDER with their victims names, but decided that was unrealistic and difficult, luckily this is TV world!

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Source: American Horror Story / FX

Too bad none of the current characters have a name that starts with R!

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