On last weeks Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Rebecca wanted to break her old habits and turn a new leaf. Along the way, there was a lot of growth, some character development and an end resolution that’s probably too good to last. Let’s take a look back before tonights penultimate episode.
As the show seems to do, we pick up exactly where we left off. Josh is waiting to see if Rebecca has feelings for him. In a move that foreshadows some actual growth for her, she comes clean (sort of) and tells him that she’s trying to break her bad patterns. She lets him keep those pictures of him — because they’re all good angles that are hard to get with a selfie #priorities — and sends him on his way.
Next, we go to my soul sister Greg, who is “study-drinking” in a random bar and pissing off his bartender. Rebecca walks in, surprised to see him, and they have some that typical #Grebecca banter that I love so much. “Talking is not on the bar menu” was one of my favourite Greg gems from this week. Rebecca, still trying to break her patterns, removes herself from the situation because I guess an insult-fest isn’t the healthiest thing.
Next up, dream BFF team Becks & Paula are doing a Josh cleanse. Rebecca throws out the Josh thong & first and second drafts of letters to him, I also spotted a Josh mug and pillow that got the boot. But for now, the macaroni portrait gets to stay in the earthquake kit and she keeps Channie Bear in case of a “bearmergency” (or is it beartastrophe? bearpocalypse? help me ghost of Steve Jobs!) While these two are still arguing over what to keep and what to toss, Josh’s mom & sisters show up. The show then lets us know that they’ve actually been hanging out quite a bit since thanksgiving, Rebecca still goes to book club and even helped Jayma’s fiancé get her an engagement ring. Due to this closeness, and the fact that she’s the perfect height for one of the groomsmen, the Chan women have come to ask Rebecca to be a bridesmaid in the wedding. She tries to get out of it by bringing up the fact that Valencia isn’t in the wedding but ends up getting both of them into the bridal party.
It’s time for us to check on Greg at school, acting all high and might about how he’s sooo smart and that test was sooo easy but then getting a C– because karma is a b-i-t-c-h. Santino Fontana brings a goofiness and warmness to Greg that makes him so relatable and likeable even when he’s an ass. So when he breaks into the most 90’s angsty grunge song, I just want to hug him and take his cynicism away. It might also be because I relate to “I could if I wanted to” too much. He then wanders into the grocery store and runs into Marty with the amazing hair (from Spider’s) who is keeping busy and dusting some potatoes (no one likes a dusty potato guys!) Marty, like Greg is pining after a girl who is head over heels in love with someone else, so Greg decides to mentor him and help him get the girl. facepalm in anticipation of how disastrous this will be
It’s bridesmaid dress shopping day! Starting on an excellent note, Valencia is late and walks in wearing Victoria’s Secret Angel Wings — from her Maxim hometown hotties shoot ugh. She tells Rebecca that she knows about the kiss and that she would have wanted to take off her earrings, her extensions, and her wings to curb-stomp Rebecca; but she won’t since Becks got her into the bridal party. Rebecca vows to make it up to Valencia by making the Chans love her so much they’ll want to adopt her. She starts making self-deprecating jokes about her body and being her usual charming self. She sets up Valencia for some jokes and basically makes her seem nice and relatable and sweet to Josh’s fam.
Back at the office, Paula wants to give Valencia “rashy nips” and use this opportunity for Rebecca to get close to her so she can end her. Rebecca however insists she doesn’t want to do anything shady and that they’re “just acting like normal people.” Of course, Paula takes this to mean the plan is on and starts hunting down some primo itching powder. While we’re cringing at these bad Paula choices, let’s go back to the grocery store where Greg & Marty have now written a song for Ally. While Greg Marty sings Settle For Me “I’m the pimento to your olive, I want to be inside of you” Rebecca Ally actually smiles and seems to maybe be reconsidering her feelings for him, that is, only until Josh, Grocery Clerk With Half An Eyelid, Brody does a cartwheel and gets her attention right back. DID I ESTABLISH A PARALLEL? DO YOU GUYS SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE?! I just kept shouting “this is ridiculous what are you doing here you’re in the wrong story” at Greg but he wouldn’t listen! He goes to mansplain Ally’s feelings to her but he realizes that what he & Marty were doing by chasing after unavailable/uninterested women is unhealthy and a little pathetic. This is where Greg also decides to break some of his toxic patterns
In the middle of telling Paula to not order itching powder and ticks, Rebecca gets an SOS text from Jayma, leaves Paula hanging & rushes over to the bridal salon. Turns out, the SOS was a trap to get everyone down there to hang out, see the wedding dress, and drink champagne — aka the ultimate girls day. Rebecca continues to up-sell Valencia and set her up to be funny and not heinous. After Jayma, Jastenity & Ruby leave, Rebecca and Valencia are tasked with making sure the dress is packed up without wrinkles or bubbles. When V comments that Becks’ big boobs would look amazing in the wedding dress, the show launches into my new anthem, aka HEAVY BOOBS, to prove that giant knockers are actually kind of a curse.
Rebecca then suggests that Valencia try on the dress — which she does and looks amazing in. They have a sweet moment where Becks apologizes for getting in the way of her & Josh and V almost seems to forgive her. Then she asks Rebecca to take a picture of her just so she can remember this moment and what she looked like. Meanwhile, Paula is still making bad choices. This time she’s hacked into Valencia’s Photostream. Just as she’s about to give up, the picture of the bridal gown gets uploaded to the Cloud and Paula seizes this opportunity to upload it to Instagram, with #hotterthanthebride.
The Chans see the pic and storm back into the bridal salon, accusing Valencia. She says she’s being framed and that Rebecca actually posted it while she was in the bathroom because she’s been “single white female-ing me since she got here.” Rebecca knows immediately that this was Paula’s doing but she acts as the bigger person and admits to posting the pic. The Chan’s kick her out of the wedding party and apologize to Valencia. Bunch goes back to the office to see Paula who assumes she’s about to be thanked. Instead, they go into Rebecca’s office where she confronts Paula about her attachment to Josh. In the sweetest moment ever, Paula’s voice breaks and she admits that without them chasing Josh, she’s worried Rebecca won’t be friends with her anymore. In the biggest moment of growth since the beginning of this episode Becks promises that they’ll always be friends and that they don’t need Josh Chan because she doesn’t need Josh Chan.
After such a long and emotional day, Rebecca goes to get a drink at Home Base. Greg is there, actually putting effort into his studies this time. They have some more adorable banter about alcohol and studying, then Rebecca asks if he wants to hang out. Greg automatically assumes something bad happened with Josh and she’s running to him for a shoulder to cry on as she has in the past, says he can’t be second place to her anymore, and declines the hangout invite. Rebecca seems a bit taken aback and she goes home. There’s a knock at her door and it’s Josh! But this time she wanted it to be Greg! Chan is there to yell at her about the Instagram photo incident but she cuts him off, tells him to focus on his girlfriend and family and basically kicks him out! GROWTH GUYS! She then throws Channie Bear in the garbage for real. THE GREATEST THING HAPPENED NEXT! She goes back to Home-Base, and just attacks Greg’s mouth with hers. At first he’s all no I can’t this is unhealthy but then she cups his face and promises he’s not second choice and makes out with him some more. Greg pulls away again says this will be more than just some roll in the hay and Rebecca says “when can we start” AND MY SHIPPER HEART SOARS!
Realistically, I know this isn’t healthy for either of them. Rebecca is thinking with her clit and jumping into something, basically transferring her Josh feelings, and Greg is thinking with his dick and still sorta being second choice. I also know this won’t last, it’ll either just be sex or they’ll try to date and make it weird and have to end it. But I have faith that they’ll develop some feelings and get back together after they’ve spent most of next season getting to know themselves!
Quick final note, shoutout to Sofia Marie Gonzales, Hunter Stiebel & Benjamin Siemon for stealing this episode and making me wish for an Ally/Marty/Brody spinoff! While I’m here, I also want to give a standing ovation to the Chan women, Tess Paras, Coryn Mabalot & Amy Hill for also slaying every scene they had!
I give this episode 5/5 nerd glasses because of growth and amazing guest stars and friendship goals but also mostly Grebecca sex — I know what I’m about son!