It’s another one of those weeks where I’ve only watched as far as Thursday, only this time it was on purpose, unlike last week. I still have a lot to get off my chest though.

I Miss Michel

Crazy, chaotic Michel has gone, and I miss him already. We all know how much I love a fancy dress episode of Neighbours, and seeing Harlow and Chloe trying to bring about the end of Michel’s career while dressed as a shark and a mermaid respectively was one of my highlights of the whole year, topped only by what happens later with Hendrix. And that’s without the incredible sight that is Michel boogying on down in The Waterhole dressed as a giant, shiny crab. It’s magnificent.

He’s been threatening to blame Amy for the outbreak of crabs at Lassiters for days (which eventually turns out to be bedbugs. Ew.), and he finally does it in front of everyone at The Waterhole, after Amy dobs him in for squatting at the complex. So, that’s the end of Michel’s stint at Lassiters, and he even tries one last outrageous act as he attempts to leave with a bin bag full of minibar bottles, slippers and bath robes. I really want him to come back at some point, he’s such good value. But for now, Michel has gone. Like a shooting star he burnt brightly, but not for long.

Gone but not forgotten. Farewell Michel, our chaotic king. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Glenn is Giving Me Creepy Vibes

Glenn’s fixation with Terese has been giving me some very creepy vibes since he randomly turned up in Erinsborough, and this week we see quite how creepy he can be, as we find out that he’s the one who has Terese’s lost wedding ring. Glenn is busy trying to cosy up to all the Robinson clan in order to extract information on Paul, in a series of manoeuvres that are remarkably similar to those you’d find in the Paul Robinson playbook. He also warns Leo that Paul is about to overstep the boundary of being a silent partner yet again. Paul confronts him and Glenn comes clean that he’s never forgiven Paul for how he treated him after the accident that left him paralysed. Paul reacts by trying to paint himself as the victim, even saying that, “it had been hard for him too” after Glenn’s accident. Oh sure, Paul. Glenn was the one who fell off a roof, was paralysed and then got no compensation and was ostracised by the family, but sure, I bet it was really hard for you too. Into the bin with him.

Fickle Nicolette. Fickolette.

Nicolette and Chloe are getting closer again and, despite having been told that there was no hope, Chloe is still intent on trying to get back together with Nicolette. She even takes her on a sort of date to watch some contemporary dance, which honestly sounds only slightly less entertaining than having a really severe nose bleed, but it seems to thaw things between the two of them. After Chloe goes over to mind a grisly Isla while Nicolette has a shower, the pair of them have a moment and Nicolette kisses her. Nicolette gets flustered, changes her mind, and tells Chloe it was a mistake and that there’s no chance of them getting back together. I’m not a big fan of Chloe insisting that she doesn’t agree, so hats off to Nicolette for telling her that she can’t disagree with how Nicolette feels. Does this pave the way for Chloe and Leo to become a thing again? Because why find a new partner from outside your inner circle when you can date someone who’s practically related to you? That’s dating, Erinsborough-style.

hoto: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Talking to Your Boyfriend’s Daughter’s Dead Mum Goes About as Well as Can Be Expected

Who’d have thought that pretending to talk to a child’s dead mother via the medium of a crystal ball would be a bad idea? Nobody, except for me, you, and well, everyone else in the whole world. Out of all the stupid things that Melanie has done, this one is up there as one of the stupidest, and that’s saying something considering that she married Joe Mangel. After Melanie pretended to talk to Sonya, Nell refuses to take off the dress that Melanie said Sonya thought was pretty. She’s also carting the crystal ball around with her as though Sonya is trapped inside it, like Jim Robinson was trapped inside that Christmas bauble that time. Toadie tries taking the crystal ball off her, and it gets broken in the process, with Nell yelling, “Mummy!” at the broken bits of glass on the floor. Well done, Melanie, you’ve re-traumatised an already traumatised child, you absolute saucepan.

I mean, of course Sonya likes Nell’s dress, it’s a kaftan. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Hendrix is the Comedy King

I love Hendrix and I love a comedy storyline, so the saga of Hendrix and Mackenzie attempting to help Kyle surprise Roxy is silly Neighbours at its very best. Kyle enlists Hendrix, a known idiot, to help him buy a ball gown for Roxy to wear to the policeman’s ball. Hendrix and Mackenzie do as they’re asked, but as soon as the canary yellow dress is delivered, Hendrix slips on some spilt wine and chucks pasta all over it in a slow-motion sequence backed by opera music, which is nothing short of a cinematic masterpiece. They panic about what to do, and Kyle is crestfallen that his plan to surprise Roxy has fallen through.

Meanwhile, Roxy receives her pristine yellow dress, which leaves the question of whose dress Hendrix has just thrown pasta all over. It turns out to be Susan’s, which Karl has bought for her as a surprise. The biggest surprise for me is that there’s a dress in the world that would be suitable for both Roxy and Susan, but there you go. The fact that Karl has spent a bit of money on her gives Susan the horn, so the pair of them run off to utilise their blue box, leaving Hendrix and Mackenzie looking slightly mortified. This storyline has it all – slapstick from Hendrix, Karl’s tight-fistedness, the fact that Kyle’s PIN is 1111 and also Mackenzie getting to do a comedy line about Roxy needing a poncho to hide the pasta stain. It’s all so, so glorious.