It’s another one of those weeks where I’ve yet to watch Friday’s episode. I’m sorry, I’m such a failure. And to add insult to injury, I’m about to take a week off, so there won’t be any of my wafflings next week. Anyway, that’s enough of the excuses, let’s get on with it.
The Healing Power of a Baby in a Wheelbarrow
Things at the Brennan/Tanaka house have gone from downright hostile to just being a little bit awkward, all thanks to a twee photo shoot. A day ago they were all yelling at each other about court cases, but just because they took some cutesy family photos of Isla in a wheelbarrow, they’ve somehow managed to come to an agreement over-parenting without having to resort to slinging mud at each other in the family courts. Things go from incredibly tense to just being a bit awkward, as they’re all being overly polite while they try not to step on each other’s toes. The healing power of a baby in a wheelbarrow even temporarily thaws things between Chloe and Nicolette when Nicolette finds out the photoshoot was Chloe’s idea. Their truce is short-lived though, as Leo swaggers back into Erinsborough with his dimples, and Nicolette is immediately back to feeling jealous.
Teddy Spy Cam
We’re still over at number 32, and there was a lot of manhandling of a teddy bear which contains a spy cam this week, complete with teddy’s-eye-view shots of everyone staring into its cold, dead eyes. The award for the clumsiest handling of the bear goes to Jane, who was washing baby puke off it while practically holding it above her head. The way she was holding it was frankly bizarre. I hand washed a jumper in the kitchen sink last night and, let me tell you, I did not hold it at eye level whilst doing so. I have yet to discover who is responsible for the placement of said spycam, but the obvious suspect is Paul, or perhaps Leo – I’m not sure yet…
Sex is on Fire
Hendrix and Mackenzie finally decide they’re going to have sex, so Mackenzie lets Hendrix into number 30 so he can prepare a romantic surprise. And nothing says romance more than a bright blue cocktail with about a metre-high flame ripping out of the top of it and a pile of strawberries, goat’s cheese, and salami. I’m famously dead inside, so I know very little about romance, but I don’t think cheese that tastes exactly how a goat smells and a cured meat that’s likely to repeat on you would be my choice if I was aiming to create a romantic atmosphere, but what do I know? And it turns out to be a pretty terrible idea, as Mackenzie returns home to find the table on fire and Hendrix flapping around like a headless chicken. Oh, Hendrix. Please don’t change.
Terese is Struggling
Paul is still being very terrible, and won’t leave Terese alone. She’s struggling to sleep, she’s up to her eyes with work and she’s about to fill a hip flask with vodka in order to cope with the idea of being away at a work conference with Paul. Personally, it would take a whole barrel of Scotch to make me OK with the idea of being stuck with Paul for several days, so I can see why it’s testing her willpower. Just add one more item to the long list of terrible things that Paul has directly or indirectly caused. I hope someone pushes him into the sea where he belongs while they’re at this conference.
Lots of Sperm Talk
There’s way more sperm talk than I’ve ever been used to on Neighbours before, as Kyle decides to make a couple of deposits in order to give him and Roxy some options once he’s through his chemo. He admits that it’s not the most pleasurable experience and, for some reason, Roxy thinks it’s a good idea to rock up to the hospital dressed as a sexy nurse to help Kyle get in the mood. Even for Roxy, this is a catastrophically badly judged stunt to pull, and it goes down about as well as a cup of cold sick with Kyle. I know she meant well, but Sweet Baby Jesus, Roxy. Turning up to surprise your cancer patient boyfriend in the hospital dressed as a nurse? Terrible idea. Horrible.
Sheila is Still Too Invested in her Grandsons’ Love Lives
Speaking of Kyle’s special area, nobody is more interested in anyone’s love life as Sheila is in the love lives of both of her grandsons. She’s still hellbent on trying to push Levi out of Amy’s bed and into Felicity’s, and now she’s got it into her head that Kyle and Roxy are struggling in the bedroom. She’s sensed that something’s wrong, but typically for Sheila (and Neighbours), she’s jumped to the wrong conclusion and is absolutely busting a gut to give them advice on how to relight the fire. Call me a prude, but I think most people could probably do without sex advice from their grandparents. Sheila is just way, way too keen to get involved and it is still giving me the yucks.
Harlow Sabotages Chloe. Again.
Harlow applies for a new job at Lassiter’s and, when Chloe tells her she hasn’t got it, Harlow sneaks into the office to move around the piles of CVs on Chloe’s desk before they get given to HR. I thought at first that Harlow was going to swing it so that she would end up with the job, but she thinks she’s being clever by switching the worst candidate onto the yes pile so that Chloe accidentally hires a chaotic gay man who wants to redesign his uniform, hang up the phone on customers and charge cocktails to the company credit card. But it may yet backfire on Harlow, as he’s actually her line manager, so she’s going to have to do as he says, starting with getting him a coffee. I’m excited to see how this one plays out because I’ve only seen this guy for five minutes and I already love him, and I’m having so much fun watching Harlow learning to be evil. Paul is going to be so proud…