© Channel 5

There’s plenty to talk about from last week’s Neighbours, and that’s even without me delving into the comedy storyline of the week when everyone made Kyle get all tetchy about the fact that he’s basically dating a younger version of his grandma. I do love it when Kyle gets that angry/confused look on his face, like a dog barking at itself in a mirror. Anyway, there’s plenty to talk about without going further into that, so here is my round-up of of last week’s UK episodes.

Karl and Susan Are the World’s Stupidest Couple

What’s that saying? “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” Clearly Karl and Susan have never heard this phrase before, as they once again fall for Olivia’s conniving ways. Despite Karl’s last two encounters with Olivia being an utter disaster, Karl and Susan for some reason think that meeting up with Olivia again is going to go ever so well this time. During the meeting, Karl apologises for what happened, and says he takes responsibility for Olivia’s accident. She promptly reports this to police and Levi comes over straight away to arrest him. Erinsborough police still haven’t figured out quite what a conflict of interests is, and obviously see no issue in sending Levi to arrest his girlfriend’s uncle.

But Olivia isn’t finished there. With the charge hanging over Karl’s head, she then uses it as leverage to try to blackmail Susan into cooperating with her on the book. If Susan goes through with their original agreement, Olivia will drop the charges. And they’re actually considering it. I cannot with the Kennedys at the moment, what is wrong with them? Even Toadie looks like he’s had enough of their nonsense.

Karl is arrested for first degree stupidity. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Brent’s Bike Bother

Brent is still being dodgy in a comically baggy T-shirt, and this time he’s hidden a stolen dirt bike at the Hive for bad guy Holden. Now, we all know that Ned isn’t the brightest light in Blackpool, so Brent being able to sneak an entire dirt bike into the space that he manages without him noticing is not entirely a surprise to anyone, including Paul, who proceeds to flip his flipping flipper. I genuinely think Paul needs to start meditating or something because he’s been absolutely furious all week, first about the Hive’s profits, then the stolen dirt bike and then the crew of scallywags who’ve set up camp on Power Road. Paul is still not managing to mask his disapproval of Brent in the slightest, so when he finds out that he is wrapped up in all this trouble I genuinely think he will be so angry that he blasts off into space.

Buddy’s Back

That kid’s back at Aaron and David’s. Buddy, or whatever his name is. Yippee.

Aaron knows his name’s Emmett, right? Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Shane and Dipi Must Leave Immediately

In true Neighbours style, Dipi and Shane decide to move to Sydney, then decide not to and then change their mind back again. Everyone is still recovering from their whiplash-inducing decision-making process when they drop the bombshell that they can’t leave in a few weeks as planned, they’ve got to go immediately. Nobody on Neighbours ever announces that they’re going to move in a few weeks, or even a few months, like normal people do. Quite often they make the decision to go, do a mad trolley dash around their house for their belongings and then they’re off in that one taxi Erinsborough has, never to be seen again. At least Shane and Dipi have given everyone a few days’ notice, but it’s still a pretty rapid exit, kind of like me at a social event when I realise it’s gone 10pm.

Chloe and Nicolette is Happening

Surprising literally nobody, Chloe and Nicolette are now a thing, making the already slightly strained Brennan family dynamic even more complex than it was before. This is going to cause real fireworks when everyone finds out. Chloe is dating her unborn niece’s mum, or to put it another way, she’s dating the woman carrying her brother-in-law’s biological child – it’s complicated. I mean, what could possibly go wrong? This is Neighbours, so everything. Obviously.

Aaron Has Caught Being Awful From Paul

I’ve saved the best for last because, oh boy, do I have a couple of things to say about Aaron this week. Usually it’s Paul who I want to get into the bin, but Aaron definitely needs to go and have a few hours in the compost heap to think about his recent life decisions.

First of all, Chloe confides in him that she has feelings for Nicolette and the first thing that Aaron does is immediately run to Nicolette to tell her, like he’s 12 years old and his mate has just told him they fancy someone. Admittedly the whole baby situation makes this all a bit more complicated, and I understand he’s worried about the mother of his child, but this was still absolutely none of Aaron’s business and he should have kept his mouth shut. Chloe came to him for advice and to unload, not to have him interfere in her love life. In a surprising bit of immediate karma though, his meddling backfires massively, with the thing that he was trying to prevent (Chloe and Nicolette getting involved) happening almost immediately.

I normally like Aaron, but dear god he was a tool last week. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy.

And I’m not done yet. Next, he decides out of the blue that they’re going to call the baby Fay, after his mum, regardless of whether they’re having a boy or a girl and without discussing it at all with his husband, the mother of his child or his sister. He immediately starts telling everyone this is what they’re going to do, like it’s a done deal, leaving his entire family to just sit around in stunned silence, awkwardly staring at each other. I’m aware that grief can affect people’s judgement, but what was he thinking? Aaron and David are going to be the baby’s primary carers, but does that mean Nicolette doesn’t get any say at all in the name of the baby? Did Aaron not think that he should maybe mention to his sister that he was thinking of naming the baby after their very recently deceased mum? And making that decision without any input from his husband is just utterly bonkers.

And another thing, he decides to do the most basic of basic things and throw a gender reveal party without discussing that with Nicolette either. I’m not a fan of gender reveals anyway (hey, each to their own) but, more importantly, it doesn’t seem like Nicolette is either. Considering that I would assume they want the baby whose gender is being revealed to attend the party, and considering that said baby is currently contained within Nicolette I think I’d have maybe checked her availability before I started looking into hiring flipping skywriters.

In summary, Aaron was a total douche canoe last week. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.