© Channel 5

Last week’s Neighbours wasn’t quite as hectic as the previous week – certainly, nobody was shot by a cooking appliance – but it contained one of my favourite Neighbours moments ever. I’m really keen to talk about that, so let’s crack on with the round-up of last week’s UK episodes.

David Dresses Up as Baby Elton John

The lip sync battle fundraiser takes place at Lassiters and it is bizarre from start to finish. I’m guessing that they had to do it as a live stream event rather than one with a crowd because of the COVID filming restrictions, but it made for a very weird atmosphere. The only people in The Waterhole watching the event are the competitors and the organizers, while everyone else watches it on a screen outside in the middle of the Lassiters complex. Mackenzie and David kick off the event, and David comes dressed as what I’m presuming is some sort of tribute to Elton John. I’m not quite sure he achieved the desired look though because something about David made the whole ensemble look a bit like he was a baby Elton John, kind of in the same way that the Muppet Babies were mini versions of Kermit, Miss Piggy, and all the rest.

Mackenzie and Baby Elton John. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

By far my favourite moment of the entire week, and it might yet end up being my favourite moment of the entire year, is when Toadie and Karl are awkwardly lip-syncing to Don’t It Make You Feel Good by Stefan Dennis. It is so meta, especially having Paul commenting on how much he likes the song, and wondering who it is who originally sang it. I know Neighbours doesn’t have the biggest music budget, but if that’s what they’ve blown 2021’s money on, I think they’ve made the right call. It was absolutely glorious and I have thought about it, on average, around three times a day since I saw it.

Dipi and Amy Are Out of Sync

The lip sync battle gets interrupted by Tim Collins, who marches in with a legal threat from Amy’s former employer over the uniform designs that she stole from the airline after they receive a tip-off from someone about them. Amy is, of course, convinced that it is Dipi who tipped off the airline. Tensions have been very high between Dipi and Amy for a while, and they manage to get drawn against each other in the lip sync battle. They’ve been having sly digs at each other all week, and things come to a head as the two divas compete for space in front of the live stream cameras while lip-syncing to Walking on Sunshine. A very undignified physical fight ensues, which will surely mean that the lip-sync live stream becomes some sort of viral internet sensation. It’s difficult to apportion blame between Dipi and Amy because they are both behaving like spiteful little schoolgirls at the moment. Poor Shane just has this permanent hangdog expression when he’s trying and failing to keep the peace between them.

After the hair-pulling, Mackenzie confesses that it was actually her who tipped off the airline, not Dipi. I used to really like Mackenzie, but she’s becoming a bit tedious lately. I saw someone online describe her as a “turbo Karen”, and I can’t come up with a better description of her myself, so I’m stealing that one. She is absolutely a turbo Karen.

Heartbreak For Hendrix

Things are going from bad to worse for Hendrix, as Harlow decides to break up with him over that whole trifling kidnapping issue. I mean, honestly, what was he expecting? People have been dumped for far less than indirectly getting their partner kidnapped by a disgruntled Deliveroo driver. Despite his inability to do the right thing though, Hendrix is so endearing and I hate him being so miserable. Having said that, it does give Benny Turland a chance to shine when he has to do any emotional scenes – he is spectacular at turning on the waterworks. Hendrix thinks that if he shows Harlow that he’s finally doing the right thing, she might take him back, so he decides to go back to school and repeat the subjects he failed. It doesn’t make any difference to Harlow, and she sticks to her guns about breaking up. Hendrix, you got her kidnapped. You need to give this one up.

Someone Finally Eats a Death Pie

Roxy and Kyle’s killer kangaroo pies have been on some sort of tour of Erinsborough since they hospitalized the Best Dish judge about seven months ago. This is one of those stories where the build-up was absolutely interminable, and then the whole thing was resolved in the blink of an eye. Toadie tried to palm the pies off on Aaron and David first, but they didn’t want them, so then he gives them to Ned. Now, I know that Ned is not famous for being the sharpest knife in the drawer, but the circumstances in which he decides not to eat the pies are so stupid, I cannot for the life of me figure out how this is the storyline that the writers decided to go with. He gets the box of pies, gets one out, cooks it, puts it on a plate, cuts it up, and then decides that he doesn’t want to eat it without actually trying any of it. His reason? Because he doesn’t like a kangaroo, and he didn’t realize it was a kangaroo pie. Ned, IT HAD A PASTRY KANGAROO ON TOP OF IT. I really thought he was smart enough to understand pictures.

Attack of the killer kangaroo pie. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: What’s On TV.

Anyway, through this convoluted route the pies end up in the bin until Bea goes dumpster diving and takes them home to have one for her lunch. She eats it like a big biscuit, which I find exceptionally strange. Before long, her guts are in knots, and she spends the day vomiting on various plants around the Lassiters complex before going home and passing out. She’s rushed to the hospital, where it becomes apparent pretty quickly that she’s been poisoned with death cap mushrooms and her vital organs are starting to shut down. And that’s about where the drama ends. She wakes up the next day feeling better, and Roxy immediately confesses to her about the mushrooms, and I mean immediately. The poor girl has been in organ failure, and the second she opens her eyes Roxy just unloads all her guilt on her. It’s a lot. Kyle and Roxy are all ready to tell everyone the truth, but Bea decides not to throw them under the bus (or the tram in this case) and makes up some story about having found and ate the mushrooms by herself. And that’s it. We had two weeks of build-up to this and it’s all cleared up in one episode. The Neighbours writers can be such mysterious creatures sometimes!

If, for some reason, you’d like to listen to some Neighbours waffling instead of just reading it, I was on The Game of Nerds podcast last week. I don’t think I sounded like too much of an idiot, so I’ll consider that a victory! Listen here.