The Middle Ages Weren’t Fun, But Drunk History Made Them Hilarious

Last week’s episode of Drunk History was far more entertaining than I imagined an episode about the Middle Ages would be. But, then again, that might be because history education tends to skim over a lot of history from that time period and learning about these things from drunk people is phenomenal. No matter what the reason, you just need to know that the narrators and reenactors in “The Middle Ages” came through with flawlessly hilarious performances.

Hillary Anne Matthews Talks About Joan of Arc

Hillary has hands-down given the most enthusiastic and entertaining performance this season. I was shocked by how she delivered this story almost flawlessly, pausing only a few times despite how obviously drunk she was. Her facial expressions, body language and, most importantly, her voice was so expressive I didn’t want the story to end.

Drunk History
Comedy Central via Giphy

Hillary told the story of Joan of Arc, whose life basically boiled down to being “a 16-year-old girl who hears the voices of Saints.” Vanessa Hudgens, who I have personally had a difficult time enjoying on-screen, delivered a perfect performance as Joan and captured the sass of Hillary’s narration perfectly. Essentially, in 1492 Joan of Arc was told by Saints to ensure that Charles of Valois was rightfully put on the French throne and was captured during a battle in Paris. She called out to the Saints for aid, but

Drunk History
Comedy Central via Giphy

Joan was burned at the stake at age 19. But hey, at least she wasn’t standing the middle of a field just blinking her life away.

Shaun Diston Discusses Temujin

God. Shaun is so relatable. Not only did he detail all the reasons he would have died in the Middle Ages (Postmates wasn’t a thing back then, he probably would have just starved tbh) but he also gave us this gem:

Drunk History
Comedy Central via Giphy

Shoutout to Shaun for being real. And shoutout to Randall Park for making his second appearance of the season, this time as a reenactor.

Drunk History
Comedy Central via Giphy

Shaun told the story of Temujin, a boy born into the Mongol clan. Temujin formed a blood bond with his friend Jamukha, who later helped Temujin rescue his wife who had been kidnapped. Eventually the two fell on opposing sides of the Battle of 13 Sides, largely because Temujin’s method of ruling the clan and appointing officials did not align with Jamukha’s views. After Jamukha was executed, by request instead of renewing the blood bond, Temujin was voted to rule the Mongols as Ghenkis Khan.

Drunk History
Comedy Central via Giphy

Daryl Johnson Gets Real About Mansa Musa

Daryl spun the tale of Mansa Musa, a king of the Mali Empire who was worth hundreds of billions of dollars during his time. Mansa Musa was portrayed by Donald Faison. Legendary.

Drunk History
Comedy Central

Mansa Musa makes a pilgrimage to Mecca in 1324 from Timbuktu to Cairo. His shopping in Cairo ends up causing an inflation because he is so goddamn rich that he’s just throwing gold around. The Sultan of Cairo is (understandably) pissed, but accepts Mansa Musa’s offer to fix the economy by buying everything back.

Drunk History
Comedy Central via Giphy

Daryl went on a small but important rant about how Mansa Musa was the richest man to ever walk the earth, but no one has ever heard of him. I have to agree that this figure it important to learn about for the sake of African-American children. Take notes, history book publishers.

On a final note, I think everyone needs to have this gif at the ready. What a mood…thanks, Daryl.

Drunk History
Comedy Central via Giphy

Drunk History returns tonight at 10/9c with an episode titled “Death” on Comedy Central.

 

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