© Channel 5

It was Christmas on Ramsay Street last week and, as always, not everything ran smoothly. Has anyone in Erinsborough just opened their presents, ate too much and then vegetated in front of the TV for the rest of the day? Of course not, there’s too much unmissable drama for that!

Shane and Amy’s Lip Sync

Shane and Amy have been spending a lot of time together while they work on her uniform designs and the charity lip sync event. It’s been clear from the start that there’s some chemistry between them, which has made me feel slightly uncomfortable for reasons that I am fully aware are stupid. Shane is a 40-something dad, and whilst I know Amy is age appropriate to him, in my head she’s still the teenager who dated Lance, so it all just feels a bit odd. Also, quite what a firecracker like Amy sees in a sad sack like Shane is a bit beyond me too. I’m not giving him stick for his problems with addiction, but ever since he decided that he’d done with rehab he’s been a bit mediocre with everything. And I’m not the only person who thinks this, as Chloe looks him right in the face and says that rejection is in his wheelhouse. I laughed for a long time at that. Only Chloe could say something like that and get away with it.

“Shane, why don’t you tell us all about rejection?” Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy.

Anyway, Amy reveals her new uniform designs and Shane helps her put on a shambolic presentation which somehow manages to win Terese over. Between the excitement of getting the uniform contract and the power of the special Lassiters Affair Room, they end up kissing, which rapidly turns into one of the most awkward encounters I’ve ever seen. Shane’s excuse for leaving – “I’m just going to go and buy some cheese” – has now been added to my list of reasons to be leaving any social event that I didn’t want to be at in the first place.

Shane immediately fesses up to Dipi about the kiss, which is absolutely groundbreaking on Neighbours, because normally people try to keep these things secret until they inevitably get found out and it all ends in disaster. Dipi pretends she’s cool about it, which only makes the whole situation between her and Shane more confusing. She’s not really cool about it, she wants to get back together and try to save their marriage. So does Shane, but now he thinks that Dipi isn’t interested. This is one big mess they find themselves in, but at least Amy isn’t copping too much flack for what happened.

That Seventies Show

Getting back to Amy and her uniforms… her first design was pretty hideous, but the new design really takes the cake. The male uniform is OK, but the female one is absolutely disgusting. I know Amy’s all about sustainability, but it looks like she’s upcycled a pair of curtains from the 1970s, and really gone with an era-appropriate sized collar as well. As for the shiny patent bumbag, I just don’t have the vocabulary to express how hideous it is. The whole ensemble is so incredibly unpleasant. Is Terese OK? Does she need an eye test?

Hendrix Tries to Dodge a Bullet

Poor Hendrix is in way over his head with the underground card games. He’s thousands of dollars in debt, so Jay comes up with a plan to steal Dipi’s diamond necklace and use it to get him out of the red. For some reason, rather than sell it and pay Kane in cash which is what most sensible people would have done, Hendrix just gives the necklace to Kane, who pockets it and decides that it only wipes off half of Hendrix’s debt. As well as still owing him the money, Kane also insists that the card games be held at “Hendrix’s house” from now on, and that Hendrix has to be there to play. Of course, the house is Chloe’s, and she’s about to rent it out. Hendrix and Jay can’t count cards any more, because Kane is on to them, which leaves Hendrix in a very tricky situation. Just to hammer home his point, for Christmas Kane sends Hendrix a giftwrapped bullet, so he knows exactly how serious this all is. As if he hasn’t been stupid enough already, Hendrix is being even more stupid by not swallowing his pride and asking his billionaire father for help. There’s just no hope for some people.

Oh, Hendrix. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Nicolette Continues to be the New Elly

The experience of watching Elly make terrible decision after terrible decision used to be quite stressful, and I feel the same about Nicolette. She’s entered into a parenting agreement with people she hasn’t known for long, she’s facing criminal charges and a civil suit over the money she stole AND she’s hired Tim Collins as her lawyer. She makes me so anxious.

I Don’t Know Where to Start With Sheila’s Mess

Sheila is not known for being well-balanced anyway, but her attempts to get back together with Clive have reached an entirely new level of bonkers. Roxy fabricates a story about Jane regretting the end of her marriage with Des, so Sheila immediately gets on the phone and summons Des to Erinsborough. Des is clearly a man who has nothing better to do than hop on a plane at a moment’s notice, so he gets there and Sheila fills his head with nonsense about Jane wanting to get back together. But before Sheila can enact her plan properly, Des sees Clive and Jane together and he gives Sheila the hairdryer treatment, only for her to have a heart attack on the spot. After having pacemaker surgery, Sheila accepts Des’ apology, but then guilts him into staying for longer and trying to help her with her plan to get Clive back.

Des Hulks out. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy.

Meanwhile, Clive is being too nice for his own good, as he tells Jane they have to put their relationship on pause out of respect for Sheila until she’s recovered. Watching your ex get together with someone else is not fun, but Sheila and her family have no right to dictate to Clive who he dates, and how serious they are getting. I love Clive, he’s such a kind and lovely character, but he needs to grow a backbone over this. If he doesn’t, he won’t be allowed into The Waterhole because, as Sheila yelled at David, their dresscode requires all patrons to have a spine…