© Channel 5

There was plenty going on in Erinsborough last week, all in a very jolly Christmas setting because Channel 5 is the worst and we’re still several weeks behind Australia. Have we not suffered enough in the last twelve months, Channel 5? We need to be able to talk to our Aussie friends in real-time about how much of a dumpster fire Nicolette’s life is and how much we love Clive (isn’t he an utter delight?). Sort it out, Channel 5!

That’s my rant over for this week, so here is my round-up (at UK pace, infuriatingly) of last week’s Neighbours.

The Usual Romantic Dramas

There’s romance on Ramsay Street once again, but as always Cupid’s arrow isn’t flying straight. Clive and Jane’s drunken one-night stand seems to have turned into something more serious, but they’re having to hide it from Sheila, who is heartbroken that Clive doesn’t want to be with her anymore. It’s only a matter of time before she springs Clive and Jane, in fact, she almost catches them in the act in the garden. Clive’s panic with the deckchair as he tried to make a quick getaway was my highlight of the week. He’s the current Erinsborough king of slapstick.

Busted! Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Roxy is also having romantic problems, as she’s missing Kyle while he’s in Germany and has been sending him videos of her dressed as sexy things that are German-adjacent to make sure he knows what he’s missing, and also because she can’t think of anything that’s actually German. So far she’s tried Heidi (Swiss) and a Sound of Music nun get-up (Austrian). She also tries to stick some schnitzels to her boobs. Ah, Roxy. Never change. 

Nicolette is the New Elly

Nobody asked for a new Elly, but we’ve got one in the form of Nicolette. Her life is one big bad decision, and she rolls from one crisis to another in order to make the rest of us feel better about our life choices. She is still trying to deal with the fallout from the lottery theft, and David is still so furious with her that he’s practically moved into the hospital to avoid them being in the same room. Nicolette’s way of trying to deal with the mess is to constantly be rude to everyone who she needs to keep on her side, like Dipi who she wants to employ her, and the guy whose dad she stole the money from, Ricardo. It’s fine that she’s rude to that guy actually because he turns out to be a creep and basically asks if she’d be willing to pay him back through sex work. No shade on sex work as a job, but it’s pretty low to try to persuade someone to do it when they don’t want to. There’s also the minor detail that she’s a lesbian, which she hasn’t told him, but I have a feeling that Ricardo is the kind of slimeball who’ll probably be thrilled about that and go on to make any number of other inappropriate suggestions.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Dipi Has Lost Her Mind

Dipi manages to get Nicolette to spill the beans about Ricardo’s proposal and, despite giving Nicolette the hairdryer treatment earlier in the day and telling her she doesn’t trust her, she not only employs her but is also considering giving her thousands of dollars by selling the diamond necklace that Pierce gave to her. Dipi, what are you doing? I get that she’s having a major attack of the guilts, and thinks that doing something kind will help atone for her own mistakes, but could her own family not use the money? It’s not long ago that Shane was unable to work and they were struggling financially, plus they live in someone else’s house with about 55 other people. Could she not use the money to get their own place? And even if she definitely wants to donate the money to a good cause, should it take Yashvi to remind her that her brother-in-law runs an actual charity? I just don’t think Dipi or Nicolette should be making any decisions at the moment, they both need some time out from life choices.

Amy is a Tornado and I Love Her

Amy continues to be a joy as she blows through Erinsborough like a hilarious tornado. She reveals her uniform design for Lassiters, the first versions of which look as if the costumes on Dallas and Star Trek have had a baby together. She tones it down, charms Ned into modeling the male uniforms for her, and wins the contract to provide the new uniforms and get her career as a designer off the ground. Except… it turns out that she’s stolen the designs from the airline she used to work for, which means her career is looking like it might take a nosedive before it’s even had the chance to take off. Oh, Amy.

Design theft aside, Amy is such a breath of fresh air and manages to have chemistry with pretty much everyone she’s on-screen with. I need her and Roxy to be friends, for sure. She is also flirting with Shane, which is quite fun, especially because Dipi doesn’t seem to like that one bit, and anything that gets up Dipi’s nose is OK with me at the moment. 

Hendrix Embarks on his Latest Disaster

Hendrix quit Lassiters after he nearly steamed Terese to death in the laundry room, so now he’s desperately trying to find another job. He dresses as a deckchair to try to get a job in a clothes shop, but then Jay suggests they start doing some legally ambiguous gambling, so he goes with that instead. First Jay tries to teach Hendrix to count cards, but that hurts his brain too much. Now they’re entering card games together so Jay can count the cards and communicate to Hendrix through a series of hand signals. Add veteran bad guy Kane into the mix and this whole thing is sure to end terribly. I’m already looking forward to the double disappointment from Paul and Harlow when they find out…

Hendrix heading for yet another catastrophe. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy