Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy.

Last week was a pretty fun week on Neighbours, with a bit of blackmail and some attempted bribery – and that was just what Paul got up to. But before I get to my round-up of last week’s UK episodes, I just want to say this – please can the UK catch up with Australia now? It makes me sad that we can’t all enjoy it together. If we deserve one thing in 2020 it’s to be able to enjoy Neighbours at the same time. Haven’t we all suffered enough?


Scarlett Gets Away with a Comically Small Acid Burn

The end of the previous week saw Scarlett tottering towards Ned and Yashvi with a really big jar of acid, which she intended to throw all over them. Levi saw what was happening and knocked the acid out of her hand, spilling it back into her face. Now, we’ve all knocked over a drink that only looked like it had a tiny amount left in it, only to watch with horror as it went absolutely everywhere. Liquid goes a long way – I can testify to that after shaking a carton of soya milk with the lid off last week. I had to change all of my clothes right down to my bra. So how, with that enormous jar of acid which flew up into the air in a big wave, did Scarlett just get one tiny little burn on one cheek? Spilling that amount of acid would have melted her whole head. Just to clarify, I’m not being flippant – acid attacks in real life are horrendous. I shouldn’t really be surprised that in Erinsborough acid attacks defy all the laws of physics and gravity though, should I?

I bet Scarlett has never shook a carton of soya milk with the lid off. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Audrey is So Boring

I cannot get my head around how Audrey and Nicolette would ever have been friends, even in a work setting. Nicolette is fiery and a little bit wild, and Audrey is one of the dullest characters that has ever come to Erinsborough – how were they friends? What did they do together? Did Audrey come to hold Nicolette’s coat while she danced on the table in nightclubs? We’ve all got that one friend who is a bit messier than us, but this is the equivalent of Lindsay Lohan being friends with Theresa May. I’m finding it really hard to imagine how they were ever good enough friends to steal someone’s lottery ticket together. You only do that with a friend who you know would have your back, and I just cannot fathom how those two were ever at that point with each other.

An odd pair. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Hendrix Makes a Big Mistake

In the most misplaced romantic gesture since Shane tried to take Dipi on holiday somewhere that didn’t have a toilet, Hendrix steals exam papers and sends photos of them to Harlow’s phone to help with her exam anxiety. This obviously backfires, which none of us saw coming at all. Hendrix regrets his decision and tries to grab Harlow’s phone before she sees it, but obviously, the phone goes flying into the air and lands at Jane’s feet. She has no option but to start investigating Harlow for cheating on her exams, and Paul goes understandably ballistic (more on that in a second). Poor old Hendrix. It was a phenomenally stupid thing to do, but he is sort of just having to parent himself at the moment, and his dad has an entirely different face all of a sudden, which must be disorientating.

Jane unsurprisingly goes pretty hardline at first, but then does a really bizarre about-turn when Harlow provides her with a couple of pretty flimsy arguments and a few “I didn’t do it, honest” type pleas. I can’t imagine that’s how it would actually go down if a kid was caught with photos of an exam on their phone.

Paul Goes Full-On Villain for Halloween

Halloween must surely be one of Paul’s favourite times of the year, as it gives him an excuse to be really, really evil – not that he usually needs an excuse. Now he knows about Dipi and Pierce’s affair, he uses it to his advantage by blackmailing Pierce into selling him his share of the hotel in exchange for promising to keep quiet. For a billionaire businessman, Pierce really isn’t very bright, because what on earth is there to stop him from taking the hotel and then shouting about the affair from the rooftops? Now Paul knows there’s no containing it, so you may as well keep your hotel and just resign yourself to the fact that everything is going to come out eventually. True to form, even though Paul has promised to keep quiet, he lets Dipi know that he knows about the affair through the very confusing medium of a series of analogies about baba ganoush just to panic her. It’s quite clear that all hell is about to break loose.

As if all that blackmail wasn’t enough for one week, Paul attempts to bribe Jane to make the exam controversy go away for Harlow, and then without a hint of irony, he yells at Hendrix for being a spoilt rich kid who always gets his dad to bail him out. Then he genuinely adopts an evil mustache in order to tell Pierce that he wants Pierce and Hendrix out of Erinsborough and away from him and Harlow, or else he’s going to tell everyone about the affair. I’m kind of disappointed he wasn’t twirling the mustache when he said it, but you can’t have everything.

Paul and Pierce 2: Electric Boogaloo Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

So the upshot is that the secret of Dipi and Pierce’s affair is all starting to crumble and I’m pretty excited to see how it all plays out!