Photo courtesy of Channel 5.

I’ve already tried to make sense of some of Elly’s recent life choices, but her decision-making ability seems to have spiralled so far out of control that it deserves revisiting.

The first bad decisions in the huge catalogue of bad decisions that Elly has made recently was the one where she decided to sleep with her fiance’s sister, and then the subsequent decision to inform him of this while the ink was still drying on their marriage licence. 

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Elly Conway: Human Disaster Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Not content with being the biggest human disaster in Erinsborough, Elly is clearly trying to compete in a national, or even global arena, because shortly after her wedding truth bomb she took things to a whole new level. She discovered she was pregnant, told Mark, and then discovered she actually wasn’t pregnant after all. Any sensible person, particularly one trying to rebuild a new marriage that has imploded within minutes due to lies and betrayal, would immediately have sat their partner down and told them the truth. Sure, it sucks. The idea of a baby was starting to make Mark want to rebuild things with Elly, and taking the baby out of the equation could possibly jeopardise a reconciliation. But Elly being Elly, she decided the best option would be to lie, and make the lie into a truth by attempting to get pregnant.


Come on.

Not only does this give you a very, very small window of time to get knocked up, but it is also quite a significant problem that your husband can’t even stand to touch you because you slept with his sister. Remember that, Elly? Do you remember that you’re not in the honeymoon period of your marriage at the moment because you did the dirty on your husband with his sister?

Even if the two of them were hooking up night and day, I feel like it’s still a fairly tall order to get pregnant quickly enough to make the dates work, let alone when you’re sleeping on the sofa and your husband is practically tripping over himself to reverse out of your vicinity every time you go near him. Surely at this point, any normal person would have just come clean and explained the situation. It was an honest mistake (probably the only honest thing Elly has done recently) – the pregnancy test gave a false positive because of a sedative she had taken. Mark would be disappointed, but he couldn’t have blamed Elly for it.  

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Elly about to make yet another bad decision. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy.

Now, quite possibly the worst solution to this problem would be to get absolutely hammered in Melbourne’s one and only bar, and then sleep with a random bloke in order to try to make the baby lie come true, so of course that is exactly what Elly did. Because that’s better than admitting there was a false positive on a pregnancy test isn’t it? There’s nothing more effective for saving your marriage than getting pregnant with another man’s baby.

And, of course this is Neighbours, so Elly’s random hook-up wasn’t random at all. It was Finn’s incredibly boring brother. Elly really has a thing for dull men, doesn’t she?

What a mess. And to top things off, Elly is acting like all this has happened to her. She’s been very woe-is-me, practically shaking her fists at the sky and shouting, “Why me?” Why you, Elly? Because, you. You’re the one doing all this, it isn’t just happening to you.

In amongst all this mess, I think I have identified her biggest mistake so far, and that is her choice of confidant. She didn’t go to her sister or her aunt who, let’s face it, is the Erinsborough advice-fountain. She didn’t go to her brother-in-law Aaron, who’s a pretty good listener, or his husband and all-round good guy David. No. She went to Leo, a man who almost decapitated a woman with a giant floral heart on Valentne’s Day. A man who turned up at his ex-girlfriend’s house, drunk and in tears, to rattle the fence like a baby would rattle the side of its cot. A man who coped with being dumped by immediately hooking up with his ex-girlfriend’s daughter.

Now, I love Leo, but this is not a man you go to for advice.

Come on, Elly. It’s time to look in the mirror and give yourself a good talking to.