Aquaman Review

Aquaman.jpg
Image: imdb.com

From director James Wan comes the 6th installment in the DC Expanded Universe starring everyone’s favorite hunk that can talk to fish, Aquaman. Aquaman stars Jason Momoa, Amber Heard, Nicole Kidman, and a plethora of other awful performances that really tie the film together as my favorite laughing stock of 2018.

Aquaman would not be my first idea of a DC-based movie, as there are literally hundreds of other characters, story lines, and events that take place in the universe that this cinematic world is drawing from. As a character, Aquaman is often ridiculed and mocked for his “powers” and “backstory”, and for good reason. The only version of Aquaman that I’ve ever enjoyed is him in the video game “Injustice: Gods Among Us” where he was a playable character in the fighting game. I would much rather see a Flash or Cyborg movie come out, but here we are with a D-list superhero character with a D-list movie.

Jason Momoa gives his all in trying to portray the character with as much depth as a kiddie pool, and it comes off as a really attractive man spouting out dialogue written by a 8 year old. When I first saw Jason Momoa in the Batman v. Superman teaser poster, I thought that they were going to take the character in a far different route than what was portrayed in the comics. Unfortunately, this movie rips out all of the interest that I had for Momoa in the title role, and replaces all the creativity it may have had with the most cookie-cutter movie I have seen. The only real attribute that I saw Jason Momoa give the movie was his hot bod.

Momoa somehow isn’t the worst actor in the movie. In fact, I would nominate everyone in this movie a collective Razzie for worst ensemble cast. Everyone in the film looks like they know that what they are saying is dreadful, and are trying their best to hold in fits of laughter. Amber Heard is especially hilarious as the “love interest” Hera. She gives off no relatable charm needed in this movie, and she comes off as the blondest redhead in cinema history. I imagined every cliche of the fish out of water (no pun intended) badass that could have possibly existed and she fit almost every single one.

The CGI in this movie looks like a college students rough draft in an “Intro to Computer Design” class, and all the colors are a variant of blue and purple making Atlantis look more like an acid trip than a kingdom. The sea creatures featured are not convincing in the slightest and everything comes off as a cut scene from a PS2 game, something that is way below average for a movie released in late 2018.

The dialogue is so predictable that I was even able to guess what line they were going to throw at me without have seeing the movie before. From start to finish I knew exactly what was going to transpire, and I did not see a single thing in the movie that I was surprised by. Even the corny dialogue during the underwater “political” discussions was forgettable and boring. This might be spoilers, but some of the actual lines from the movie include such masterpieces as “Redheads, you gotta love ’em” and “I call it an ass-whooping”.

I laughed very frequently in this movie but for all of the wrong reasons. The dialogue, acting, effects and characters were so hilarious that I honestly couldn’t prevent myself from bursting out in laughter in a theater full of people. That made the experience almost tolerable, but it hardly distracted from the fact that the movie treats the audience like it has never seen a movie before. The movie felt as though it were mocking the viewers for paying money to go see a movie as bad as it was.

3/10

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