A girl sits home alone on the cushy brown carpeting of her modest two-story home. She is a teenage girl, thus has her share of duties to complete that Sunday. Outside, the world’s beacon of light shifts along, ticking down the metaphorical clock; the sun has reached high noon, but even at this peak of this exceptionally bright day the girl remains seated, wasting the time away. The excruciating tasks that would settle upon her should she rise bear overhead with such predatory dread that she instead chooses to stay put, an apathetic lemming exposed on a wide plateau. Sunday means chores, and she doesn’t want to do chores. The mere thought of them slackens her muscles, leaving her distracted and unmotivated. There is no one else around to force her to do it. The girl stays in place another five minutes, then revives her senses with the dim reality that it’s better to do it sooner than later.
She summons her strength. After a deep breath in, she brings herself to a stand. She groans. “Uggggggg.” Allowing herself a couple more seconds, she soon turns to the right and shuffles off toward the vacuum.
She cleans the carpets and floors, feeling only the barest of encouragement as shards of debris crackle through the rotating brush. Great, I’m almost done. She moves conspicuous furniture, but only hoses up the dust gathered around the edges of the TV table against the wall. Some of it is trapped underneath the wood, fluffy wisps rising hallway toward the vacuum. The girl moves the hose closer. The dust fights for a minute, flaring in the suction’s force until it finally pulls free and joins its brethren in the bag. Finally, I’m done. Now for the mop. The water splats onto the kitchen floor as the girl pushes down the sodden rayon for the first stroke of the day. Wipe, wipe. Sleeeeeeeek. Wipe. After another round of forever, the girl takes a towel out of the cupboard. Arms planed, she takes the world’s slowest carpet ride drying off the floor. Hurray, she did it. The girl’s Sunday chores are done.
But…what if this girl did her chores in the incredible limited-edition Green Lantern T-shirt? Debuted at last year’s CleanoCon, this glossy top comes with the famous ring that bestows the wearer with the Green Lantern’s power! Now you can be Alan, Hal, Guy, Kyle, or any other version of this luminescent legend! Wear these beauties and construct your boring old vacuum into an almighty force of WIND!
The Green Lantern shirt and ring pop onto the girl’s body. A smile bursts across her face, and she grabs the vacuum and pushes it forward, her fist outstretched in the classic flying pose.
But wait, there’s more! Wiping down the counters doesn’t have to be a chore when you have these special Sherlock-printed disinfectant wipes, available in three different scents! Play the part of the famous detective himself, figuring out what caused these messes while cleaning them up with the detective’s face! Or maybe you’re a Sherlock villain sanitizing the scene of the crime! Buy any 200-count scented wipes canister for $3.99. Either way, after it’s all done you’ll have the whole room soaking in the citrusy smell of lemon. The girl turns away from the kitchen counter and inhales, closing her eyes. Mm, lemon!
Pruning the garden? You’re Poison Ivy showing those plants who’s the real boss! Mopping an extra floor? No problem at all for the protégé of Stan Lee, janitor! Stopping your work at once to chase after the ice cream truck? You’re Beast Boy on his day off. Make sure to get the Darth Vader Popsicle for $2.29!
Yes, with these tools and more you can become a super house cleaner, energized and supreme! Tackle the bothers of your house’s dust, dirt, and germs with any nerd-edition merchandise you choose! A tornado of a girl swirls in the middle of the room, sucking in each object to try on. In the end she faces the viewer with her fists on her hips, decked out in Supergirl attire and surrounded by brooms, spray bottles, feather dusters, rakes, and scrubbers.
Take action now. Flip through the catalogue of nerdy house maintenance tools and find YOUR weapon of cleanliness today!*
*The nerdy house maintenance tools are part of the Fun Times Blammo Company™, which is contracted with shareholders from each IP’s corresponding company. Obtaining any of the products listed therein do not guarantee the user happiness while doing chores. All refunds must be turned in unused or in excellent condition with receipt within 30 days of purchase.