Carol wakes up in the morning and takes her sleep apnea mask off of her face. She sits up and her eyes go wide. She calmly wakes her husband and tells him that they have company. Laying calmly between her legs is their new, freshly birthed baby.
The new parents tell their friends about Carol’s sleep-birth. Carol says she’s surprised she didn’t feel anything when Erica’s birth seemed to be extremely painful. She refers to her daughter as Bezequille and Gail poorly pretends to love the name. Todd becomes overly emotional meeting Bezequille. He tries not to cry as he calls her a little bumblebee, “‘cause you stung me… right in the heart. It’s swelling up bigger than I ever thought possible.” Carol asks if anyone wants to share the placenta with her and Tandy.
Gail pours a glass of wine and complains about how she had to stay sober for two weeks in anticipation of the delivery. With the baby birthing itself, it was completely unnecessary. Erica and Gail decide to finally have a post-baby date night, and to let Todd babysit their daughter. Of course Todd accepts, a little too eagerly.
Tandy sings “A New World View, A New Responsibility, A New Song” which is the same basic song he always sings, but morphed to focus on Bezequille. After the song, Carol seems not okay. When Tandy asks what’s wrong, Carol says she’s had a weird cramp all day and feels dizzy. Tandy decides they should check in with Gail.
Gail does an ultrasound and tells Carol a story about when a fast food restaurant accidentally gave her two cheeseburgers instead of one. When Carol doesn’t catch on, Gail blurts out that Carol has a second baby still inside her womb. Tandy walks in with Bezequille and Carol tells him that they are going to have another baby. He thinks she means she wants to get pregnant again immediately, but she says the second baby is already inside of her. Tandy tears up and says, “you have another cheeseburger in the bag? I’m gonna be another father!”
Erica admits to Gail that she’s happy that Carol has another baby to deliver and that she hopes it’s super painful. She doesn’t want Gail to relay that message to Carol because then Carol might downplay the pain just to spite her.
Gail checks Carol’s cervix, which is barely dilated. Tandy gives Carol a bowl of Tabasco sauce because spicy food is supposed to induce labor. Gail gives her daughter a misoprostol ‘to get the ball rolling down there.’ Tandy tells Carol to sit back and RELAAAX, shouting the last word abruptly at her in hopes of scaring the baby at her.
Todd flops himself down on his and Melissa’s bed. With Gail back on baby-watch, date night is canceled, meaning he won’t be babysitting. Melissa says that the cancellation might be for the best when Todd has all of this baby fever. They had decided that they don’t want kids, but clearly it’s more that Melissa doesn’t want kids. He assures his wife that he doesn’t need kids to be happy.
(Side note and personal opinion: Having kids is really hard and draining and sometimes you just need a break. From a purely logical standpoint, it makes sense for Todd and Melissa to remain baby-less, at least for now, and be the designated babysitters when parenthood becomes overwhelming.)
Tandy tries nipple stimulation on Carol. When nothing happens, Tandy tries it on himself while Carol watches, in case that’s what it had meant. When that doesn’t work either, Tandy has the idea ‘maybe they mean intellectual stimulation!’ Carol mentions how tired she is. Tandy recommends sleep, but Carol thinks it’d make her a bad mom to possibly sleep through two of her baby’s births in the same day. Tandy agrees to watch her vagina and wake her up if anything happens and he gets under the covers. Right when I’m exclaiming ‘it would be too dark to see!’ at my television, Tandy turns on a flashlight.
Carol wakes up to Tandy lying next to her. She reprimands him for not keeping watch all night as he promised, but Tandy had Todd take his place on Vagina Watch. Gail comes in to check Carol’s cervix and then asks to speak to Tandy in the hall. Carol insists Gail just say it here. Gail admits that she’s freaking out that this second baby hasn’t come out yet. The longer it takes, the riskier it becomes for both Carol and the baby. Gail’s idea is to pop the amniotic sac with a needle. Tandy is strongly against ‘kebabbing’ their baby, and Carol wants to let the baby come out naturally when it’s ready.
Erica baby talks to Dawn about how she kept her up all night. Baby-obsessed Todd complisults Erica about her tired-looking face and offers to watch Dawn while Erica takes a nap. Though insulted, Erica accepts the offer.
Todd tries to sneak into bed in the middle of the night, but Melissa catches him. Todd claims to have been hanging with the guys. Melissa asks if there’s baby powder on his shirt, but Todd denies and says it’s cocaine.
Later that day, Gail and Tandy bicker about whether or not to break Carol’s water. Carol says she doesn’t need Gail to do that, but Gail wants her daughter to reconsider. As Tandy and Gail’s argument heats up, Carol is off in the background. She bends over and when we see her again, she’s holding two babies. Gail says she is breaking her water right now, but turns and sees the ‘double cheeseburger.’
Carol decides that they should name their second daughter Mike, after Tandy’s possibly deceased brother. (Celebrities lately have been enjoying classic boy names for girls, but naming your daughter Mike when you’re The Last Cluster of Humans on Earth wouldn’t be weird. The next generation wouldn’t know that Mike was a ‘boy name’ unless you taught them so.)
Erica is bitter about the second painless birth, but doesn’t dwell on it long because it’s date night. She and Gail plan on bringing Dawn with them this time, as Tandy and Carol have their hands full and there’s baby weirdness with Todd and Melissa. Melissa suggests that Todd watch the baby, unless he’s too busy doing cocaine.