Jordin Althaus / Universal Television / Hulu
For some reason, Mindy and Ben never went on their honeymoon and booked it months after their actual wedding and never cancelled the trip after their divorce AND Ben booked some ridiculous outdoor nature health retreat. The most perplexing part, Mindy decides to go on this #ONEymoon.
Mindy feels the need to get away because she keeps encountering people who are happy and in love and it’s infuriating her. Morgan no longer worships her because he and Tamra are too busy planning their wedding, Jeremy isn’t keeping up with their reality TV shows because he’s too engaged by Anna and their stimulating conversations, even Leo has a girlfriend now!
Jordin Althaus / Universal Television / Hulu
On the plane, a handsome stranger (heyyyyyyyy writer and producer Charlie Grandy!) sits next to Mindy and they almost have a meetcute but they get interrupted by Martha (heyyyy Maile Flanagan!) who is an extremely chatty seat-mate and an unfortunate cockblock in Mindy’s flirting with Handsome Man but she becomes our greatest friend in the end.
As luck would have it, Martha is also going to Two Turtles Resort – and sharing a room with Mindy because, as the guide (heyyyyy Broad City’s Paul W Downs!) informs them, the double beds are for couples and not single losers. He also informs them that there is no TV and no internet at this resort – which really has me wondering why Ben thought this place was a good idea.
Jordin Althaus / Universal Television / Hulu
Since it’s the first night, Mindy heads down to the smoothie social where she runs into CASEY! Mindy’s love cue barely has time to play before his 20something wife shows up and ruins Mindy’s illusions. Martha also comes in to cut the tension and drag Mindy away before she embarrasses herself further.
Cut to the next morning, everyone is about to embark on the nature hike and Mindy is already exhausted. She perks up a little when she overhears Casey & Babe (that’s literally her name, & we thought he said babe a lot before) arguing because they haven’t been having sex despite the fact that she’s ovulating and they’re trying to get pregnant. Despite being 38, Casey thinks he’s still a child and that it’s too soon for him to make babies. At the end of the episode, Mindy actually gives him advice about getting his act together – before she gets punched by Babe.
Jordin Althaus / Universal Television / Hulu
Even this gossip isn’t enough to get Mindy to keep up, eventually she falls way behind the group and since the resort’s policy is to leave the weakest person behind and see if they survive (it was founded by Ayn Rand), left to fend for herself. Mindy arrives at a fork in the road and decides go left because her ultimate destination is a waterfall and TLC sings about chasing waterfalls and Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes is in TLC.
Eventually she encounters a cave and decides to cool off and rest and maybe share some of a bears honey. Unfortunately, she trips and tumbles all the way into the cave, getting her ponytail stuck in between some rocks, As she’s making her 127 Hours style snapchat stories, Reese Witherspoon appears to her in the cave. The actual Reese Witherspoon came through with this cameo as Mindy’s hallucination America’s sweetheart is here to share some hard truths about life with Mindy, telling her that they would never shut down all of Tiffany’s for a single proposal, and that you definitely can’t get into Harvard by sending an admissions video in a bikini.
Jordin Althaus / Universal Television / Hulu
When she’s done popping all our bubbles about movies being totally fake, Mindy throws Wild right at her and asks for a refund for all her movie tickets, including Failure to Launch, which Witherspoon (thankfully) was not even in. Reese leaves her with the lesson that life is not about finding a man, but about finding yourself. Min realizes no one is coming to save her so she rummages through her bag, and cuts her ponytail off with toenail clippers.
She makes it back to the resort where Martha brings her a bag of Twizzlers to cheer her up, she stole them from the guide’s “shame drawer”. We learn that Martha came to this resort every year with her husband, and that he used to sneak her candies. He passed in February and this is the first time she’s come to this place solo. She teaches Mindy that the person you can always rely on and the only travel companion you’re always sure to have is yourself, so you better learn to spend time with you.
See all this advice about being content on your own and not needing a man, it gets pushed to the side in the final scene by the campfire, when Martha tells Mindy she should be with someone who challenges her, who knows to tell her to take a walk around the block and cool her loins, and we zoom in on Mindy’s face, clearly thinking about Danny and plotting some kind of reunion. MINDY! DIDN’T YOU GET WHAT REESE SAID?!
Jordin Althaus / Universal Television / Hulu
For the record, I also want a refund for the Failure To Launch DVD that I rented in 2007!
A new The Mindy Project is now streaming on Hulu
