Supernatural returned Thursday, and the mid-season premiere sure made up for the mess of a finale! It has been a long hiatus, and I’ve missed Team Free Will Plus Crowley. Let’s get right down to it, shall we?
So Sam and Dean are being taken to a super secret black ops site that technically doesn’t exist for trying to kill the President. The evidence was pretty damn weak if you ask me (Standing over an unconscious man ain’t exactly attempted murder), but I have a feeling these guys don’t much care about pesky things like “evidence” and “habeas corpus.” Either way, Agent Sanchez (to whom I will be referring as Agent Dickbutt) thinks the US would be better off just taking the Winchesters out back and pluggin’ them both. Anti-Terrorist Dude (Older Dickbutt) thinks that they may be part of White Nationalists or Muslim Brotherhood groups (ha!) and that they should be interrogated first. Not by way of torture, since that doesn’t work, but isolation (which, I kinda thought was torture, but alas). Older Dickbutt gives Sam and Dean a chance to talk, and neither brother does, which is not surprising; communication has never been a strong suit here. Older Dickbutt says “Okay, but just so you know, this is not as fun as you may think” and literally just lets them sit alone with their thoughts. For weeks. Dean finds a loose screw and starts marking off the days. Kudos to Jensen for the acting here. Every time the montage goes to his face, Dean looks a little deader in the eyes and a little more despondent. You can see the boys losing it bit by bit.
Meanwhile, in the free world, Mick (hot British Man of Letters) is trying and failing to make new friends with American hunters. They’re a bunch of damaged loners who don’t want to take orders and who think Mick is kind of a weenie. A hot weenie, but still. Soft hands. Not a respectable trait in Huntermurica. Cas calls Mary and asks her to meet him at the bunker. He tells her that her kids are missing and Mary immediately blames Cas. Because of course. It’s like a Winchester trait. Cas, unlike me, doesn’t tell Mary to go fuck herself since she wasn’t even around, and agrees that somehow it must have been a mistake he made. Mary wonders why they didn’t call her. Because you keep leaving them. Oh, right, not “leaving them”. “Taking space”. There was a time I defended Mary’s choice to take some time, but this scene just makes me kinda hate her a little. Again, communication is not a strong trait in this family.
Cas asks everyone he knows for help, and Mary starts taking hunting cases. When Cas meets up with Crowley, it’s to no avail. Crowley’s contacts don’t know anything about where the boys are and he won’t help, anyway. Mostly Crowley pities whoever is holding Sam and Dean, considering the fact that angels and gods, demons and monsters have all tried to stop them, but like herpes, they just keep coming back. Mary and Cas meet up again a few weeks later. Well, six weeks, two days and ten hours later, and Mary apologizes to Cas for being a jerk. Cas still blames himself, and reveals that he tried to go hunting on his own, but failed, running away before the monster was killed. Mary offers to help and he says he’d just be in her way. So Mary goes and takes care of it herself while Cas heads back to the Bunker. I really want to get into the whole “Angel of the Lord suddenly can’t take out a vampire” thing, but my bullshit-o-meter can’t quite take it.
Back in prison, a guard slides food through the door for the boys, only to discover they’re both dead. The doctor and soldiers are all befuddled about how they died at the same time, and Agent Dickbutt is pissed at Older Dickbutt for not getting any information out of them. Agent Dickbutt wanted to see Dean’s eyes when he died. He wanted it to hurt. Agent Dickbutt is a sadistic motherfucker.
Later that day, to the surprise of no one (in the audience, it surprised the non-Winchester characters on the show a lot) Sam and Dean aren’t dead! They get the drop on the coroner and steal his phone, but he has no idea where they are since he’s blindfolded every day. Dude. You at least know what state you live in. Or timezone. Come on. USELESS!
They make their way outside with zero trouble, which is surprising. You’d think a place that “doesn’t exist” would have better security. Or any security. Dean immediately starts calling Cas (whose voicemail skills are improving), and finally gets ahold of the anxious angel. Dean tells Cas they are in Rocky Mountain National Park (yay for paper maps!) and to get there ASAP to pick them up. And by ASAP, of course they mean “Call Mary and then other backup first.”
Meanwhile, Older and Agent Dickbutt (respectively) discover the coroner in a drawer and a distinct lack of corpsified Winchesters. They call all the security off their lunch breaks (which is where they must have been when Sam and Dean wandered off site) and start hunting Winchester. Cas and Mary meet up with Mick and Ketch, who are rightfully impressed that they took on the Devil and won (I thought they had a whole dossier on the boys? This isn’t even the first time they’ve beaten Lucifer). Anyway, they offer to help, since Mick needs playmates and isn’t having any luck, and helping to save the legendary Sam and Dean might help his credibility with the surly American hunters.
Dean and Sam are taking a nice brisk hike, with soldiers hot on their heels, when they get the drop on one, stealing his gun and walkie, and wrestle-mania putting him to sleep. Dean chats with Agent Dickbutt on the stolen walkie, who warns them that they are trapped and Dean pulls his best Cool Hand Luke “What we have here is a failure to communicate (story of Dean’s life)! We’re not trapped out here with you. You’re trapped out here with us.” Then they head out, find a cabin and set some nice traps. The soldiers come upon it and Sam shoots through the floor while Dean takes care of the soldiers outside. I feel like it’s important to note here that these “monsters” and “extreme threats to society” are being sure not to kill a single person here. They are pretty much all flesh wounds, and Sam even gives them a first aid kit before assuring them they’ll be okay and leaving.
Outside, Dean runs into Agent Dickbutt, who steps on a bear trap. The most unrealistic thing in this entire episode was the complete lack of screaming Dickbutt does. Because holy shit. Older Dickbutt finally catches up and thinks he’s got the drop on Dean, but Sam is there with a big ol’ gun and they disarm them, while telling them the truth about President Morningstar. Older Dickbutt asks them who they are as they’re leaving, to which Sammy boy replies “We’re the guys who save the world*”
*”Yeah, I mean, we put it in danger a lot, too… but mostly we save it. After almost ending it. Look, the important thing here is that we clean up our messes. BOOM!” This is how I imagine the sentence continuing in Sam’s head.
Sam and Dean meet up with Cas and Mary and it’s a hug-a-thon reunion! Awwww!! They are not nearly as touchy feely with Mich and Ketch, however. They tell the Brits that they should be thanking them (But we’re not). And let it slip that they left survivors. The groups part ways, and our little family is reunited. It feels so good… until the car dies. And hey look! It’s Billie!
So. Turns out the prison wasn’t warded. I have no idea why Cas couldn’t have heard Dean’s prayers (this whole part of Cas being an angel seems to be forgotten this season), but Dean could summon a Reaper. They made a deal with Billie. They could die and come back again, one more time, but at midnight, one of them turns into a pumpkin. A dead pumpkin. Billie is thirsty AF for a Winchester, and she doesn’t care which one she gets. If they break this deal, there will be Cosmic Consequences. Mary, being a mother, offers to sacrifice herself, since Billie isn’t being picky. This is frankly the only sacrifice I can get behind. I’m a mom, and it wouldn’t even occur to me to let any other outcome happen. So Mary puts a gun to her head, but before she can pull the trigger, Billie dies in a bright light of Angel Blade glory. Cas kills her, breaking their deal. It had to be done, he can’t lose them. The world can’t lose them. They mean too much and he needs them too much. He will not let them die. Kudos to Cas for the simultaneous scolding and saving.
Meanwhile, Ketch ties up loose ends by killing everyone Dean and Sam spared, and Mick finally makes inroads with a hunter: Mary.
So, overall I fucking loved this episode. It was tense and has some humor and poor Cas. But I have to say, I’m not really happy that a great adversary and one of the few POC on the show got killed off.
BAMF of the Week: Sam and Dean Fucking Winchester
Okay the deal was stupid, but the escape was great. Bonus points for not killing anyone.