Okay so NOW I can say adios Rick Springfield, right? Last week’s Supernatural (hopefully) marked the end of Springfield’s reign as the Dark Prince, and I’m pretty okay with that. After Pellegrino and Collins, I really don’t think Springfield had the chops to play Lucifer. It isn’t an easy thing to do, portray the same character inhabiting different bodies; Collins did a fantastic job showing that it was still the same angel in a new body, and I wish it had ended there if a similarly talented actor couldn’t pick it up. Anyway. Vince Vincente may die, but rock never does.
We open like any great night would. With a Satan Society of America sanctioned chant to summon the Devil! Lucky(?) for these idiots, though! They have a fossilized feather from Lucifer’s wing! It works, and before you can say “cloven hooves” a sopping wet Beelzebub shows up in their livingroom, killing them both and using the feather to restore himself. Sigh. Before one of the kids die, however, they manage to let it slip that Lucifer’s vessel is kinda famous. That’s all he needs. Devil out.
Back in the bunker, some family progress is being made, as Dean gets his ass handed to him by Mary in Words With Friends. I don’t give a shit that it’s “out of style,” Sam. It’s portable Scrabble and that shit is never out of style. That is why I can spell in something other than acronyms. One thing you will never see me do though, is spell Cas C-A-S-S. What the hell, Dean? No wonder you’re losing, you cant even spell your best friend’s name! Anyway. CAS IS BACK! He’s calling because that washed up has-been Vincente is getting his old band Ladyheart back together because this is 2016 and no one gets good things.
Cas and Crowley (yes they’re still BFFs) tell the boys to get their asses to LA to see if Vince is Satan and away they go! Crowley “knows a guy” (of course) and does some recon to make sure it’s actually the Morning Star and not a real revamp of hair rock. Not sure which would be worse, to be honest. Either way, Crowley’s contact Russell says it’s legit and it’s the original line up and clearly the Devil’s doing.
While Crowley confirms what we already know, Lucente is putting in some hours at the studio, pissing off good ol’ Tommy, who somehow thinks that this is going to kickstart his career again. Ha. It’s clear they aren’t recording shit and Tommy just needs to get the stick out of his ass and enjoy the ride on Vince’s coattails.
On their way to LA, Dean goes on and on about what he hates about LA (hint: everything but yoga pants. Again. Sigh). Sam isn’t listening, which, I can’t say I blame him, this must get tiring. He’s listening to a podcast about the history of the Protestant Restoration, and being super cagey. Ha, just kidding, it’s Ladyheart. For research. Oh Sam. Your terrible taste in music is a running gag I’ll never tire of. They meet up with Cas in Vince’s hotel, and we learn Dean hates good things when he gives Sam a hard time for his cucumber water. That shit is refreshing as hell, I don’t care what anyone says. Dean calls Cas a “third tier agent” and Cas calls Dean a lumberjack and I am in love. Crowley pops in just as Cas starts talking about how he needs a break and off they go to scope of Vinnie’s room with the key Crowley got from “another guy.”
Things in Vince’s room: books about famous people. Don’t laugh, Luci’s method; pink panties that both Dean and Cas feel a need to fondle (ew. Why? They’re used underwear!); and a tooth ripped out by the root. Suddenly the groupie covering her mouth all the time makes some fucking sense.
Speaking of devoted groupie being weirdly adoring to an aging rock star, she and her idol are having an “I love you more!” “I know show me how much you love me by carving my name in your chest. No, I’m not kidding here’s a knife now do it.” moment. SUPER devoted fan. So loyal is she that she continues to defend him to Dean and Sam in the hospital and laments that she won’t be able to go to the super exclusive, top secret show he’s putting on that night. It’ll have fresh blood, since Lucifer is sick of die-hards. Cas asks the real questions here though: Can Lucifer even sing? No. It’s hair rock. It doesn’t matter.
So they go on the hunt to figure out where the show is, but with no luck. None of Crowley’s contacts are talking, Cas can’t get Tommy to ‘fess up, since Tommy still thinks there is a paycheck in here somewhere and he didn’t think to plan for college for his kids; and Dean and Sam only got a meeting with Luci’s agent bc they were hot (I don’t blame her). Our team is feeling sad and blue, but not as down as their respective targets. Tommy, Russell, and Vince’s manager (who doesn’t get a name) are all in the limo outside the club, when Russell and Vince get into a disagreement about the lack of tracks laid down. Naturally, it ends in Lucifer telepathically forcing Russell to stab himself in the throat before seeing the adoring masses. Good talk.
Tommy texts Cas, and Team Free Will Plus One are off to the show! Cas and Crowley will distract Lucifer and buy the boys time to get people to safety and cuff Lucifer with the Enochian handcuffs that once held Cas (stop squeeing, Shipper Meg). While they’re busy planning, Lucifer is busy killing his bandmates. Cas stops him from killing Tommy and they fight. Crowley joins in, too. Not because he’s a martyr, he just really hates Lucifer. I don’t blame him. Lucifer keeps bitching about his shitty childhood and how he’s just having fun murdering people before he kicks the everloving shit out of the former King of Hell and heads on stage.
Dean and Sam didn’t have any luck getting people out, even pulling the fire alarm was a dud, so eventually Dean gets impatient and shoots his gun into the air. Sam holds the door open while a throng of millennials flee the club just after Lucifer takes the stage. Just as Lucifer is getting into his groove, Cas “Assbutts!” him and hits him with a guitar. Yay Cas! Also gets kicked for his troubles and we learn that Enochian cuffs don’t hold everyone as they burn right off Vince.
As he is literally rotting before our eyes, Lucifer spends his last moments as VInce complaining about his dad. No shit. Nevermind that they talked and everything was cool, Lucifer is still mad that his dad cut the apron strings and needed some space. For fuck’s sake. I’m sorry, but if the writers couldn’t think of a better motivation for Lucifer to go around making mayhem, they should have left him dead in season 11. I love Lucifer, but even villains fucking grow. Anyway. So he’s just gonna keep smashing Daddy’s toys because why the hell not? Lucifer ditches the meat suit and is off.
After the barely there fight (well, except for Crowley looks like legit shit), the team has a family meeting. Dean calls the day a win because they got a lot of people out, Sam is more concerned about what an unhinged and unmoored Lucifer is going to do until they stop them and I’m here trying to figure out why this storyline was needed in the first place.
What did you think of Rock Never Dies? Did it tickle your fancy? Or are you ready to see the end of the Dark Prince?
BAMF: No one, really. I’m gonna go with Cas, though, since he called Dean a lumberjack and said Assbutt.
There was stuff here for the shipper in me, but overall, not a great story this week.