American Horror Story: Roanoke (S6;E5)

The living, the dead, and the only-alive-for-now

The fifth episode of season six did not pick up at the cliff-hanger where episode four left off, but instead opened with a historic flashback and gave the fans what they had been waiting for –Evan Peters.

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Evan plays Edward Mott, a very wealthy art connoisseur with social anxiety and a scandalous taste for his male companion and an even more scandalous relationship with horrible powdered wigs  

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Game of Nerds Extra:  The narrator of this historic flashback and woman in the head interviews providing the backstory is Doris Kearns Godwin you may recognize from her years providing facts on The Daily Show and The Colbert Report.  

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TL;DR  “Edward Mott left Philadelphia* to escape from high society and the parties for a more secluded life, so he bought land that previously was home to the lost colony and used his wealth to send his hired help to construct the house we’ve been in all season (including secret underground tunnels and escape routes alert alert this is obviously important)

Unfortunately, Edward dies relatively quickly after moving into his new home, dragged out of bed by the malevolent spirits tied to the land he had invaded.  Lucky for us he did take the wig off and leave us with this dreamy 1700′s swooshy hair..

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*Before relocating, Edward had just produced an heir with his wife.  Goodwin points out that money stayed in the family, as did Edward’s madness.  This is how we get the direct lineage connection between Edward and Dandy Mott and fulfilling the tie ins Ryan Murphy had promised us.

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(Can’t you just see the resemblance? The hair, the style, the entitlement, the insanity)

Now back to the main event

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Matt and Shelby continue to prove themselves to be the limping gazelles fleeing the watering hole, as they lose Flora again in the quickest 8 second split that anyone that only watched once could have easily missed the details of.  Flora as snatched from Shelby’s arms while going down the stairs by one of the members of the murdered immigrant family from the 50′s.

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And the Amber Alert sounds again

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(he same face I’d make if The Grudge 2016 was dragging me to an immortal colonial woman fondly referred to as The Butcher)

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but luck favors the bold and stupid, so before Matt can propel his plan to distract an entire mob while Shleby runs for the truck (that was being destroyed by the evil spirits, because they aren’t exactly new at this), they rescue Flora and are approached by a less blood thirsty spirit:

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Oh sorry, wrong Evan Peters tragic ghost story-line

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Wait one second, lets try this one more time

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Much better.  This leads us to Edward Mott’s motive.  Why is he unaffected by The Butcher’s influence, and why help the Millers and not murder them?  Just as in his life,  Edward wants his solitude.  No more spirits sharing his resting place.  So those secret tunnels we learned he had made when constructing the house came in handy and lead our group out into the woods and away from the mob of evil spirits.

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Never the family to have an easy escape, The Millers came out right next to the deep woods home of the crazy hillbillies they’d been so worried about at the beginning, and they had every right to be.

The crazy hillbillies knocked them out and took them to their torture trailer home, where we discover they “rescued” Elias after he was shot with the ghostly arrows in episode 4.  Elias is still alive, but worse for the wear

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The warning is the definition of too little too late, especially since he’s been sliced up like a Virginia Ham. Literally, the Polk family nursed him enough to keep him alive to be used as a source of fresh meat.  It apparently takes a lot of man to feed a family, based on this professional diagram obtained by The Game of Nerds

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In case that image doesn’t spell it out for you,

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And that is how we come full circle to meeting the absolute scariest thing in the American Horror Story Universe–actual, real, crazy people that live off the grid and are capable of real atrocities.  And with Frances Conroy leading the pack, it reads more realistic and terrifying than I am comfortable with.

After declaring Elias is spoilt meat and ordering his death by hammer to the face, Mama Polk explains their families arrangement with The Butcher and how the Polks always keep their word, and they will be being returned to The Butcher–So they loaded up the truck and moved to Beverly hauled the sweet meats back to the farm house.

Matt Miller finally does something right and takes an opportunity to grab Chaz Bono’s Polk’s shotgun barrel and the struggle leads to the execution of one of the Polk’s, and then Shelby finally steps up and blindsides a distraught Chaz with a kick, knocking him out of the truck.

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And with such sensible shoes how could she have failed?

They make a break for it into the woods, then break cardinal number one of any scenario–they stop running.  They lay down in an open area and shush Flora until Matt’s phone starts ringing and gives them away because an all but forgotten Lee Miller was released from the police station after 48 hours of interrogation.  Whoops.

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By this she means how she is quite literally about to bring the hammer down on Matt and Shelby to ensure they most definitely will not be running again.  I guess she is a fan of Kathy Bates’ prior work.

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Now things in the episode got a little…rushed (this happens when you cram an hour long story into 38 minutes and break the mood with commercials):

  1. The Millers get delivered to The Butcher in front of the farm house
  2. Flora is dragged out first
  3. Priscilla stalls for her friend by reminding The Butcher of her own promise that Flora would die last
  4. Her pleas are ignored, but it gives enough time for Lee Miller to arrive on the scene, only to be abandoned by her police escort
  5. In a surprising “plot twist” The Butcher’s son turns on her while she is reciting some poetry (that probably doesn’t really need to be done for the ritual, but it stalled time) and beats her over the head and drags her into the fire
  6. Even head interview Shelby comments on how weird and inexplainable it is that he finally stands against his mother
  7. Edward Mott’s ghost arrives out of no wehere (ghosts do that, don’t question the plot device) and frees Matt and Shelby from their restraints.
  8. Pig Man decides he can just kill Flora himself, picks up The Butcher’s cleaver and closes in on her
  9. Lee Miller pulls a Great Eagle and hits the Pig
    Man with her car (view this on repeat, its hilarious), and then yells a triumphant “get in” and boom. We hit the end of the Miller’s recount of their journey
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We can’t imagine the Miller family would agree to return to the property, but it seems to be the most likely option to fill the next 5 episodes.  We suspect this will happen with camera crew in tow, but no one knows what the next episode could bring.

Tell us your theories and share all your gossip with us!

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Author: Michael

Game of Nerds writer, comedian, tumblr enthusiast, twitter user. @Bonersniper for all things.

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