Let’s start this recap off with a message of hope: Everything is garbage.


GIF Source: Reddit

Just kidding, but it certainly felt that way for several members of the 99 in “Funeral”. Let’s start off with the Vulture, we knew he was gonna be a grade A d-bag, but trying to break up Jake and Amy? What is even the point of that? That’s completely useless, man! But this storyline did help shed some light on how serious Jake and Amy are about staying together. Even if it meant Jake being a beat cop! Ick! I think we all remember when Mark Wahlberg got demoted to beat cop in The Other Guys! Anyway, after every attempt failed (damn you bagpipe man!), for a minute, I really thought Jake would be demoted. Luckily, Holt came to the rescue and offered the Vulture all he cares about: exposure (of himself and accidental nip slips). We’ll see if PR will be enough to ward off the Vulture in the future…or does he also have a congenital heart defect we are unaware of? If not they could always just bribe him with barbells and puka shell necklaces! “Gots to have my puts!”

I love whenever we get to see a more human side of Holt—it happens more and more every week, but “the alcohol rendered [him] a simpleton” so we got to witness him feeling insecure about how the 99 has “moved on” without him (they haven’t).  Not only did we get to see him save the day for Jake and Amy and give a terrible speech, but we also got to see him and Terry get drunk together (okay maybe just Terry). Terry keeps it cool, but under the surface is a lot of turmoil and angst—and it’s all the mango yogurt’s fault! Is anybody else surprised by the fact that this huge man who should probably consume about 4000 calories a day loves mango yogurt so much? Eh, part of his charm.  Anyway, it’s a good thing that he got tipsy after one drink, because Holt needed his encouragement.

Don’t think I forgot the goofball of the precinct—Boyle. And Gina. And Rosa! It’s so funny that Gina even wasted her time with these basics since she’s the human form of the 100 emoji and couldn’t remember their names at the beginning of the episode. Boyle tried hard to have casual sex, but how can such a foodie be attracted to a vegan? It’s just a crime. I’m curious to see what kind of storyline this sublot will launch into, and how Rosa will be involved, because she seemed very aggravated that Boyle would consider casual sex. I still wonder what the writers are going to do with those two. I can’t really tell if we’re supposed to infer some underlying romantic feelings there, or if they are just friends. I wouldn’t really mind if nothing ever happened, because I don’t think they have much chemistry, but I wouldn’t hate it either. Which reminds me, where is Nick Cannon?