I don’t know if it’s just me, but I can’t help feeling like last week’s “death week” ended up being a little bit of an anticlimax. We were promised this huge dramatic week where someone was going to die, and the end of last week two main characters were left in potentially life-threatening situations, only for this week to kick off with everyone being broadly fine apart from the temporary rent-a-villain, Heath, who is now inside a crocodile.
Despite the anti-climax, there is still a fair bit to summarise, so let’s get on with it.
Toadie Wins Villain of the Week
I used to like Toadie, but since the reboot he has become one of my least favourite characters. I’m not for one minute criticising anyone for having mental health issues, but having mental health issues doesn’t give you the green light to act like a total and utter saucepan to everyone in your life, which is what Toadie is doing.
Having been rescued from his barefoot stroll in the outback, Toadie comes home to a family that have been through the wringer while they waited for news on his wellbeing. One of the first things he does is tell Terese he can’t be with her any more, because he saw a vision of all his past wives while he was suffering the effects of chronic dehydration. “It’s not you, I had a vision,” must be the worst excuse for a break-up in the history of human relationships.
Terese is, of course, baffled, and the kids are devastated, but nobody channels my feelings more accurately than Susan, who is giving Toadie looks that could curdle milk. And who can blame her? It’s taken Toadie until wife number five to realise he’s been rushing into relationships and wasn’t really ready for most of them. Terese even took him back after he cheated on her, so she is understandably heartbroken and angry.
Nobody should stay in a relationship if they’re unhappy, but the way Toadie has behaved towards Terese is abhorrent. He cheated on her, he’s lied to her, hidden his emotional state from her, refused to work on their relationship and lashed out at her, and now he’s dumping her unceremoniously. I’m not quite sure why the writers felt the need to conduct this kind of character assassination on such a popular cast member, but quite honestly, Toadie could go on a crocodile-spotting holiday wearing a meat suit as far as I’m concerned.
“I should be on my own,” Toadie tells Terese. Yeah, Toad, I think you should be.
Mackenzie Has Quite the Few Days
Mackenzie got shot in the shoulder, but everything is looking good for her recovery until she goes into sepsis and gives everyone another big scare. Haz refuses to leave her bedside, and Sadie and Byron do their best to support him.
Luckily Mackenzie starts to respond to treatment, and she’s soon starting to come round, and in her groggy half-conscious state she says something to Haz about getting married in Paris.
When Mackenzie wakes up, Haz quizzes her on if she remembers saying anything as she was waking up, but she doesn’t, so Haz isn’t sure whether to mention what she said to him or not. Haz was in my bad books for a bit, but he’s been so supportive of Mckenzie through this whole Holly and Heath drama that I’m starting to warm to him again a tiny bit, even if he does have the dress sense of an ageing hippy at an all-inclusive holiday resort. I kind of hope they do get married in Paris, as long as Trevor can be the best man.
Sadie Puts Some Lipstick on Cara
It’s Cara’s 40th birthday and she’s having a bit of an identity crisis. She wants to try new things, but finds herself a little bit stuck in her comfort zone, enlisting JJ to go axe-throwing with her, which is an activity that couldn’t possibly be more suited to Cara. Meanwhile Sadie is looking for a volunteer to do make-up on for her course portfolio, and she somehow manages to persuade Cara to help her instead of going to lob axes about.
I’m not the world’s most talented make-up artist, but to my eyes, all she really did was pop a bit of mascara and red lipstick on Cara – it was hardly a groundbreaking makeover – but it still leaves Cara feeling uncomfortable. She gets way more uncomfortable when she gets to the Rodwell house and finds that they’ve thrown a surprise birthday party for her.
As someone who’s not always been massively keen on celebrating their own birthdays, I can assure you it is a BAD IDEA to throw a surprise party for someone who doesn’t like celebrating their birthday. A TERRIBLE idea. It’s literally the worst thing you can do, and if anyone threw a surprise party for me I would spend the whole evening sulking and then I’d burn my house down, go into witness protection and leave everyone in my life behind.
Cara reacts slightly better than I would, and goes home to put on a snazzy red suit to match her lipstick. I kind of hope she’s not going to be all super-glam from now on, I kind of like that she swims against the current a bit.
JJ and Nell Have the World’s Most Physically Awkward Kiss
JJ is being incredibly supportive to Nell in the middle of her family dramas, which I’m sure is supposed to be endearing, but I just find him to be an insufferable wet lettuce. It works on Nell though, and they decide to break their own rule about not getting together to save Dex’s feelings, and just keep their relationship secret from him instead, which is a plan that simply cannot go wrong in any way.
To seal the deal, they stand up and lean into one of the most awkward kisses I’ve ever seen, at least from a physical perspective. The only one that looked even slightly as uncomfortable as this is that one from Spider-Man when one of them is upside-down.
Wendy Throws the Worst Party Ever
Wendy has decided to host Cara’s surprise birthday party, not realising that Sadie has planted a seed in Andrew’s mind that there’s something going on between Wendy and Quinn. Andrew confronts Wendy, and she admits they’ve had “a moment”, which he’s none too pleased about.
Andrew is only just holding it together when Quinn walks in, and then it all goes tits up, and Andrew makes a scene and then storms out of the party. He goes to get marriage advice from Toadie, so we know he must be really desperate.
I know the actress who plays Wendy is going to need a break from the show as she’s having a baby, but this seems like a bit of a nothing storyline if this is how they’re going to write her out for a while, unless things between her and Quinn are going to hot up even more. And I find it quite hard to believe that anyone would stray from Andrew the handsome cop and go for man-bun Quinn instead.
Terese Gives Toadie Both Barrels
Toadie notices a bottle of whisky at Terese’s house, and wrongly assumes that she’s turned to drink again, when in actual fact it’s a birthday present for Cara. How about you get over yourself, Toadie? As if you leaving is so devastating that Terese needs to give into her alcoholism again.
Terese has much the same thought, and gives Toadie an absolute roasting, from which he may never recover. She calls him weak and pathetic and says what we’ve all been thinking, which is that Toadie is having a midlife crisis. Let me tell you, I was SHOUTING at the TV during this scene, especially when she told him to shut up. 100/10, no notes. What a queen.
A Few Random Notes
As usual, here are a few random notes I took while watching Neighbours this week:
- Oh. Well that was an anticlimax.
- It wasn’t a vision of your whole life, Toadie, it was just your several marriages.
- This party is well crap.
- YES TERESE! “SHUT UP TOADIE!” YASSSSSSSSSS.
