I didn’t think I had all that much to write about this week because my mind is being dominated by one story in particular, but actually, now that I’m here, there are a few other things I need to get off my chest.
Chelsea Stoops To An All-Time Low
Is there no end to the depths to which this evil goblin woman will stoop? Not content with killing Krista’s baby, now she’s trying to force Krista to relapse.
In the wake of the loss of baby Hope, Krista was tempted by some drugs she stumbled across at home. She didn’t take them, but it’s understandable for a recovering addict who has gone through such an incredibly traumatic experience to be struggling, especially since Hope was one of her biggest motivations to get clean in the first place.
Chelsea sees an opportunity to try to get Krista out of the picture, as she wants to try to make herself indispensable to Paul, and at the moment she’s rather superfluous to requirements at the hotel. Chelsea loudly announces that a guest left prescription drugs in one of the rooms and makes sure that Krista knows where she’s keeping them.
Krista gives into temptation and takes some drugs, while Chelsea finds her passed out at home later. She pretends to be sympathetic, urging Krista to let Chelsea help her and not tell anyone else about it. Firstly, this is an intolerably cruel thing to do to anyone, especially to someone recovering from such a trauma. Secondly, Krista could well have overdosed, and then Chelsea would have been responsible for two deaths. Is all this really worth it? Can’t she go and stick her claws into another rich guy who actually wants her around? It all seems like so much effort just to snag the owner of a suburban hotel.
Jeffrey Is A Weirdo
Staying with Chelsea for a second, she’s perhaps getting a little bit of payback in the form of Jeffrey, the IT man with whom she slept with to persuade him to keep quiet about the IT report into the sauna door. Jeffrey appears to have caught some major feelings for Chelsea and is hanging around like a sad little puppy, begging for attention from her. She’s in a tricky spot because if she upsets him, he can go straight to Paul with the real report. I have high hopes that Jeffrey might end up being part of Chelsea’s downfall, which I need to happen SOON.
Melanie Is Being An Absolute Piece Again
Every time Terese and Melanie find themselves in the same place, Terese feels awkward and scuttles off. It’s understandable – I wouldn’t want to be around Melanie at the best of times, let alone after she’d slept with my husband. Melanie decides to confront Terese in order to clear the air, saying she’s doing this for Terese’s benefit, but I disagree. It’s all for Melanie, she’s doing this because she’s sick of being the bad guy. Well, guess what Mel? You are the bad guy. So is Toadie, but he’s had the good sense to go and hang out on the other side of the planet, rather than on the same street as the person he betrayed.
Why the heck should Terese accept any kind of apology from Melanie? If Mel had any integrity whatsoever, she’d take her irritating manic energy and channel it into finding somewhere else to live instead of inflicting herself on Terese on the daily. I’m disappointed in Terese for backing down so easily, it’s most unlike her.
Dex Is The Best Varga-Murphy Kid By Miles
I’m aware that JJ is going through some stuff, but that doesn’t give him an excuse for behaving like a total and utter dishcloth. He’s giving his mums sass, when all they’ve tried to do is help and support him through this, he misses the meeting about being accepted back into school, and he’s being awful to his brother, who has done nothing. And I mean that in the most literal sense of the word, as Dex hasn’t had a single storyline of his own since he came to the street.
The situation JJ finds himself in is entirely his own making, so he needs to wind his neck in and stop being such a brat. Yes, it sucks that Felix is refusing to see him, but whining about it isn’t going to change anything. Felix has been very clear that he wants no contact, and even his bogan girlfriend has said the same thing. JJ maybe needs to focus on the people in his life who do want to have something to do with him.
I did enjoy the scene where Byron checked in on Dex, it was very cute. Now that JJ’s daddy drama is mostly over, can the writers give Dex something to do?
Haz Mackenzie Had Enough?
We now know that Haz used to be some sort of hacker for hire, using his IT talents to ruin people’s reputations. Mackenzie meets up with one of Haz’s victims and discovers the extent to which the hacks devastated his life. He lost his wife and his job – so he immediately jumps to the top of the suspect list for the current spate of hacking. I guess once he was unemployed he had time to do an NVQ in deepfakes or something.
Mackenzie is rocked to the core by the realisation that Haz could be capable of something so vile, and it is quite hard to believe considering how much of a wet lettuce he usually is. She dithers about it for way too long and then tells Haz that she doesn’t think she can be with him anymore.
Meanwhile, Haz is so delulu that he thinks there’s still a chance for some sort of redemption for him, so he’s trying to figure out who’s behind the hacking. He gets in touch with one of his old hacker crew, and it is at this point that we find out they all had stupid little hacker nicknames. Pathetic.
I’m a bit bored of this storyline now, it hasn’t gone anywhere this week and I need it to wrap up soon. Do we think Haz is going to leave? I kind of hope so, he’s such a wet mop.
Karl Is A Poo Terrorist
This is the storyline that’s lived in my brain rent-free all week. As unsavoury as this all is, I’m so desperately glad that the move to Amazon hasn’t got rid of the inherent silliness of Neighbours. What I want from a soap is to give me tragedy, conflict, and drama, but then also do a whole storyline about a middle-aged cyclist pooing in people’s gardens because he’s sad his wife is on holiday.
Susan keeps extending her time in Sydney, which leaves Karl feeling a bit unwanted, despite the unveiling of the new billboard with his face on it. Incidentally, the photoshoot where he was left unable to move because of his shapewear reminded me of a party I went to many moons ago where I decided I needed some smoothing out underneath my dress. Not only was I incredibly uncomfortable, but when the buffet came out I found myself completely unable to eat, which is absolutely unacceptable. Nothing is worth giving up the opportunity to heap a paper plate with beige food, and so I waddled off to the toilet and removed my big shapewear knickers, stashed them in my handbag, then (now knickerless) ate a quite heroic quantity of sausage rolls.
Anyway, back to Karl and his mid-life crisis. How many mid-life crises has he had now? Surely he’s into double figures? As gross as it was, Karl can maybe be forgiven the first pooing incident, as it took him by surprise, but he now seems to be going out of his way to make sure it keeps happening, by loading up on high-fibre food and then heading off out on his bike.
News of the serial pooer reaches the police, and apparently, it’s happened often enough that there’s a map on the community Facebook group that shows where it’s occurred. Exactly how many turds has Karl unleashed on people’s lawns? Enough to warrant a map? Does he even bother using his own toilet anymore? How on earth does this makeup for the fact that Susan hasn’t come home yet? I have so many questions.
Looking at the map, Melanie realises that the poos coincide with the bike rides she’s been going on with Karl, and it gets her thinking about his odd behaviour – trying to get rid of her mid-ride (who can blame him for that though, really?). I think it won’t be too long before Karl’s poo terrorism is discovered, and I simply cannot wait to see how Susan is going to address this situation when she gets home. Of all the things he’s done, this is one of the most bonkers, and she’s going to give him a look that will be capable of scorching his eyebrows clean off.
