Clone High S2, Eps. 7-8 Review
Ah, the drama and romantic tension of teen romance. On the one hand, it’s entertaining to watch as an outsider. On the other hand, the odds of it making it for the rest of your life could be better. Case in point, the relationship of JoanFK, based on the physical side, was doomed to fail. And this week on Clone High, we see that ship sink. The silver lining, though, is seeing two ships set sail.
In hindsight, it might be a good thing I didn’t date in High School.
Spring Breakup
It’s spring break, and the clones of Clone High are off to Arroyo Fest in the middle of the desert. At least until their bus crashes and strands them in the middle of nowhere. With Candide not caring and Scudworth and Butlertron going to get help (and may or may not be getting high in Vegas), the teens are left to their devices. Abe goes with Frida and Cleo because he’s still upset about Joan ending their friendship. Harriet’s desperate to get to the festival because she thinks a hot guy’s waiting for her there. However, the main draw of the episode is the relationship between JFK and Joan.
Somehow, the desert heat causes JFK’s brain to swell up, but it doesn’t kill him. It turns him from a dumb jock into an articulate, refined, and intelligent genius that Joan goes gaga over. So much so that she does everything in her power to make sure he stays that way. It’s allowing her the chance to establish the emotional connection she’s been wanting from her boyfriend. Alas, her misguided efforts are for naught. She cannot keep JFK in smart mode indefinitely, and the result is something fans should’ve seen coming for some time now: the two break up.
From the get-go, it seemed apparent that JoanFK was a ship with a low survival chance. The two have good chemistry, but their relationship’s based purely on the physical aspect. When Joan wanted to advance the emotional element, JFK couldn’t provide; ergo, the ship sank…while another one got a second chance when Abe patched things up with Joan.
Too bad Scudworth and Candide disapprove of this.
Sex-Ed Gone Horribly, Horribly Wrong
In the next episode, it’s revealed that Scudworth and Candide’s bosses are major JoanFK shippers. As the two with the most significant potential as leaders, the idea of them as a couple suits the Board of Shadowy Figures for their plans to control the world. Thus, when word reaches Scudworth, Candide, and Butlertron of the breakup, they go nuclear to get them back together. They pull out…the sex-ed card.
The hapless trio declares a mandatory sex-ed week with the express purpose of getting JoanFK back together. They end up getting an entire school full of sexually-charged, horny teenagers ready to burst, and a surprising number of ships end up leaving port. Confucius and Harriet get together; Sacagawea and George Washington Carver start making out. However, the couple that drew the most focus was Cleopatra and Frida Kahlo.
The show’s been dropping several hints that something was going on between Cleo and Frida. From the way they reach for each other in the opening credits to how they seem to interact with each other a lot, the signs are there. And when the two accept their feelings, it’s more than worth the wait. Additionally, since this episode comes out during Pride Month, it’s topical.
Sadly for JoanFK, that ship is dead, with both teens admitting it to be so. However, those waiting for Joan and Abe to get together will have to wait longer.
An Unnecessary Roadblock for the Sake of Drama
Just when it looks like the slate’s been cleaned for Joan and Abe to become a couple, the show sees fit to throw them another curveball in the form of Topher Bus. It turns out Topher’s been crushing on Joan for some time now, and when Abe wants to make his move, he strikes. He manipulates Abe into thinking he needs more “experience” and should have his first time with this creepily horny sex-ed teacher. Topher then blackmails Abe with photos (the woman died, by the way) to get him to stay away from Joan.
I’m sorry, but no, just no. This is terrible writing by Lord, Miller, and their team. It’s already been established that, despite claiming otherwise, Topher’s as big a dirtbag as Columbus is now seen as, so this isn’t out of character for him. However, the show gives no hints whatsoever that Topher’s liked Joan. It’s like they’re dragging the “will-they, won’t-they” plot of Joan and Abe out for drama’s sake.
As someone whose seen his fair share of shipping over the year, I understand that delaying a ship can have negative repercussions. If done right, getting a couple together in the final act of a show or season can be amazing, like with Aang and Katara at the end of Avatar: The Last Airbender. However, it can drag things out longer than necessary, like what happened with Star and Marco in Star vs. The Forces of Evil. Sometimes it’s better to let the ship sail and give it time to develop over the rest of the show. It worked for Lumity in The Owl House!
Clone High Better Stick the Landing
There are only two episodes in the first season of the Clone High revival, and while it has been good as a whole, it’s stumbled several times. Plots have been dragged out, they’ve made story-telling decisions I only sometimes approve of, and it’s not as funny as the original was at times. It will have to stick the landing for the season finale if it wants to come out on top.
The Sex-Ed episode wasn’t a total loss, at least. There was a gag involving seamen (yes, they knew what that meant) singing shanties about relevant issues. Like, for how people shouldn’t use TV to teach them about sex or how several states don’t even teach about LGBTQ+ relationships. Now shows like Clone High and The Owl House have to do it for them.
RIP JoanFK
