It’s been a pretty fun week on Ramsay Street, as long as you managed to ignore the fact that the final episode of Neighbours has now been filmed. I can’t quite believe it’s truly happening. Anyway, let’s move on because it’s too sad, and I have loads of other stuff to talk about.

Mackendrix Tie the Knot

Unlike normal people in real life, people in Erinsborough can arrange pretty unique and incredible weddings in a matter of days, which is exactly what Hendrix and Mackenzie manage to do, despite Pierce’s best efforts to derail the thing. He comes striding back into town with his massive wallet and even bigger ego and goes about meticulously undoing all of their plans as soon as they’ve made them. His crowning glory is telling Nicolette she’s not only no longer making the wedding cake, but she’s also not invited to the wedding. In the end, Hendrix, who has enough on his plate at the moment, has to tell him to pull his head in and stop causing him extra stress that he doesn’t need. You shouldn’t really have to be told that by your son, Pierce. Do better.

Despite Pierce’s meddling, somehow, they manage to score a spot in the Japanese garden at the zoo for the wedding with a photo opportunity at the butterfly house, plus a zombie wedding cake and a whole Japanese cherry blossom-themed reception at the Waterhole. It takes me over a week to arrange coffee with two friends, so I am very jealous of Soapland, where everything is apparently ten times easier to organise than in real life. It’s all very cute and happy, with no disasters, which is always a bad sign for Neighbours because you know there’s always a disaster brewing somewhere at all times, especially around a wedding. However, I do not like the way Friday’s episode goes at all. Hendrix is putting his affairs in order, which is always a bad sign in a soap. I hope I’m wrong, but I think we might be in for some surgery-related heartbreak.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Harlow Turns Detective/Drug Dealer

Glen’s decision to let Harlow be in charge of his medication has gone wrong in exactly the way that I and probably everyone else predicted. Glen is taking the opiates that Harlow is giving him but is also cheating on Clive with other doctors and getting extra opiates from them too. I know Harlow thinks she’s being helpful, but giving opiates to an addict without telling anyone else should be sending up all manner of red flags for her. Also, Glen is getting increasingly jittery and sweaty, but nobody seems to have noticed.

Not content with being a drug dealer, Harlow also decides to try her hand at being a detective. She realises there’s some tracking software on her phone, so she naturally assumes that it’s Corey who is snooping on her. Rather than let the police deal with it, she decides to stage messages between her and Freya in order to try to prompt Corey to get in touch with her. Sergeant Rodwell pretends to be uneasy about it, but he’s fooling nobody because since when did Erinsborough police ever do things properly? They’re always letting civilians tamper with evidence, interview suspects and investigate criminals, so why would this be any different? However, it does make me wonder what on earth they actually do all day. I can only assume they’re all just on call in case one of their family or friends needs arresting.

Harlow is also talking about moving to London, so it will probably be a matter of two or three more episodes until she’s climbing into a taxi and disappearing off to the other hemisphere.

Things Get Awkward at Number 24

Chloe and Kiri get it on after the wedding, but afterward, they’re both feeling incredibly awkward about the lack of chemistry between them. In true Neighbours-style, rather than just having a conversation about it, they power through the motions of being a couple, despite the fact that neither of them is into it at all, and Kiri is spending a lot of time looking longingly at Nicolette. Kiri is a much better match with Nicolette, if you ask me, so they need to stop mucking about and get on with it before the awkwardness of the half-heartedly dating housemates makes me hurl myself into the Sun.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Paul Still Not in the Bin

How is this man still walking around, rather than having been tipped shoes-first into a trash compactor? He has been hellbent on stringing Estelle along in order to annoy Terese, but Estelle has used up all the chances she might ever have had with her daughter, and Terese has gotten to the point where she couldn’t care less what Paul does with her. Terese tells Estelle that Paul is only using her to get back at his soon-to-be ex-wife, but Estelle is having none of it, even going as far as planting a huge lipstick kiss on Paul’s face in the hotel reception. Paul looks absolutely horrified by this turn of events, but honestly, what was he expecting? He’s been showering her with gifts and taking her out on dates, and I’m honestly amazed it took her this long to start manhandling him.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

When Paul finds out Terese doesn’t give two hoots what he gets up to with Estelle, he no longer sees the value in having her around, so he unceremoniously drops her, leaving her with nowhere to live. Again. Estelle is truly awful – she’s a useless, immature brat who is incapable of doing anything for herself. She appears to have never had a job or paid her own way before, and she’s incredibly annoying, but Paul is even worse for taking advantage of her. Harlow wins the award for diplomacy this week when she tells Paul that she finds the way he handles things “exhausting”, which is a polite way of telling him he is an actual bag of hot trash on a summer’s day.

Drunk Jane is a Great Value

I am so excited we got to see Drunk Jane again! What fun. Nicolette is set to meet Asher for a date in an LGBT+ bar, so Jane goes with her for a bit of support. Unfortunately, Asher is running late, so Jane ends up partying for a while. I’m sure she’d claim that she’s there to keep Nicolette company until Asher arrives, but she spends most of the time getting absolutely trolleyed and being chatted up. She even stops everyone and yells at them to “pay attention to her lesbian daughter”, which is utterly hilarious. I love Drunk Jane, especially when she gets chatted up by a lesbian compost enthusiast for several hours without realising it. Classic.

Unfortunately for Asher, Nicolette’s heart just isn’t in it, and she tells them she’s not in the same place as they are, leaving the door wide open for Kiri…

Please could we have some more Drunk Jane before the final episode? She’s terrific fun.