As a heads-up, I will hopefully be disappearing for three weeks from the end of this month on a much-delayed holiday, so don’t think I’ve been abducted by aliens or anything when there are no round-ups for a few weeks. Although, to be honest, at this point in the pandemic, I would welcome being abducted by aliens – you could argue it would count as a holiday.

Anyway, I’ve watched the whole week of Neighbours for once, so I’m going to cut the waffle and just get on with rounding up last week’s UK episodes.

Roxy and Kyle Are About to Disappear

There’s about to be another very abrupt exit, even by Erinsborough’s standards, as Roxy and Kyle decide to depart for Darwin with about thirty seconds’ notice because that’s how lives, jobs, and businesses work.

After the heartache of learning that not only is Roxy not pregnant, but the rest of Kyle’s sperm has been destroyed in an accident at the lab, Roxy and Kyle are in turmoil. Roxy has her heart set on a fresh start in Darwin, but Kyle is moving heaven and earth to be able to buy the house from Sheila, as she’s decided to sell up and stay in LA with Naomi (because it really is that easy to get a visa to stay in the USA).

It is a matter of mere minutes before Sheila sells the house to the Rodwells because why wouldn’t they want to live in the same street as the person their daughter tried to frame for arson? When Kyle finds out that Roxy is the one who encouraged them to put in an offer on the house, he goes stratospheric and says some extremely hurtful things to Roxy in front of all their friends. For a while, it looks like Roxy will be off to Darwin by herself – leaving Kyle to live with Levi and two pigeons – until she throws up in a bush and takes a pregnancy test which, of course, is positive.

The news of a baby Canning brings Roxy and Kyle back together, and it prompts them to decide to leave Erinsborough within a few days, leaving the tram without a manager and the Waterhole without a barmaid. I need three to four business days’ notice to meet someone for coffee, so the thought of packing up my entire life and moving to the other end of a massive country in a few days brings me out in hives.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Leo Has Lost His Mind

Despite the fact that Montana’s utterly horrible, and Leo has been trying to extricate himself from their arrangement all week, he suddenly does an about-turn and simply cannot stop making puppy dog eyes at her. The u-turn he does is truly bizarre. One minute he’s trying to break up with her, and the next, he’s introducing her to his baby.

Unfortunately, Paul spies them together at the vineyard and so comes up with a scheme to try to sabotage the Fashion Week event in order to get one over on Terese. Having been told about Montana’s indecent proposal by Terese, Paul goes running back to her the second he sees Leo and Montana together, saying that Montana has broken an ethical conduct clause in the contract. He also tells Lucy, who is furious with everyone, and cancels the Fashion Week immediately, meaning that Terese’s first solo project is a disaster. Not cool, Paul. Into the bin, please.

Very subtle, Paul. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Paul Throws a Tanty

Paul thinks his evil scheme has all gone to plan until Leo pretty much throws him under the bus by saying that he’s got it all wrong – he says they are sleeping together, but it’s not the reason Montana signed the contract with Lassiters. It’s Paul who ends up looking stupid and unprofessional, as Terese manages to persuade Montana to continue with the event, and Paul just gets a dressing down from Lucy, after which he goes up to the penthouse and throws an extremely undignified strop. I enjoy watching Paul fail, it’s absolutely joyous, and I have a feeling we’re about to see it happen again.

Montana tells Paul she’s looking for an investor for a cosmetics range, and it’s clearly some sort of revenge plot to get even with him for the humiliation of having her sex life somehow placed on the agenda of her Lassiters business meetings. Unfortunately, because Karl has suddenly become extremely insecure about his wealth, or lack of it, it looks like he might get caught up in it as well, as he overhears and approaches Montana as a potential investor himself. I have a soft spot for Karl, but it is pretty funny when he makes a tit of himself, so if this ends up with both Paul and Karl looking like doofuses, I’m going to be thrilled.

Mackenzie Fangirls

Despite never showing any interest in fashion whatsoever, Mackenzie suddenly turns into some sort of gibbering fangirl around Montana. First, she tells Toadie to offer her his services as a lawyer, which she has the good sense to refuse. So Mackenzie’s next move is to get herself hired as an unpaid intern to help with Fashion Week, then donning something that looks like it would be worn by a train driver from a children’s TV show and buzzing around annoyingly while Montana, Paul, and Leo are trying to have dinner. Even Mick, who is back and is as glorious as ever, recognises Mackenzie’s behaviour as being a little bit on the stalky side, and if you’re getting that kind of shade from Mick, you really need to dial it back a bit.

The upshot of Mackenize’s unhinged enthusiasm is that Montana offers her a role as a model in the fashion show, giving us a lovely scene where Mackenzie opens up about her body image problems as a result of her being picked on for being trans. Montana tells her she has the potential to be a trans role model, and Mackenzie finally agrees to do it. This scene was very cute, and there was some excellent cry-acting from Georgie Stone. She might even rival Phoebe Roberts (Freya) for the role of the best crier.

David is Struggling

David is still struggling with the guilt of letting Gareth die, and coming into his office to find a note on his desk saying, “I know what you did,” does not make him any more chilled out. Freya doesn’t help either. I think she thinks she’s helping, but by constantly dropping in at David’s and hovering around him all the time, she just seems to be making him more on edge. Finally, David comes out of work to find his car door open and a breathing tube on his seat, which makes it very clear that there is indeed somebody who knows exactly what he did.

Eventually, David and Freya go back to the scene of the accident to try to find the breathing tube that David threw into the bush. Still, they can’t find it, which certainly hints at the possibility that whoever is writing the notes saw David throw the tube and went to fetch it. Freya suddenly realises that only David is being threatened, so they try to think of someone who has a grudge against David and come up with Creepy Dean and his evil moustache. Dean obviously denies it, but it has to be him, surely? Unless it’s Freya, which would be a great twist. She has been a bit erratic and weird lately, and she’s been less than honest about some pretty major things in the past. My money might be on her rather than Creepy Dean. He just seems too obvious somehow. He has a moustache, for god’s sake…

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

David is behaving strangely and being very protective over his briefcase, so while he’s out hunting for the tube with Freya, Aaron goes through his bag and finds the notes. This secret is not going to stay secret for very long now, despite Freya’s hovering. I can’t wait to see how this all develops!