I’m frustrated at so many people in Ramsay Street this week. Even with the track record of bad decisions and reckless behaviour this lot have got, they’ve really been excelling themselves recently. So let’s unpack some of their really terrible choices.

Zara is on Her Last Chance

Zara has pretty much run out of chances with everyone in Erinsborough, apart from Hendrix who remains blissfully unaware that she’s terrible. He might be starting to realise that she’s bad news now though. Zara’s awful friends, Crabbe and Goyle, are clearly behind a series of pranks and a little bit of light arson that Zara is getting the blame for, the most recent victim being Jane’s letterbox. Jane is hellbent on blaming Zara, having no more evidence to prove it than the notion that Zara is a royal pain in the butt. While I don’t disagree with her on that point, you can’t really blame people for lighting fires when you have absolutely no evidence. But everyone thinks that Zara is responsible, including Amy, who threatens to send her back to Cairns if she makes one more mistake, although she said that the day that Zara got added to the titles, so I suspect she’s staying where she is. Hooray.

With Hendrix being the only person who seems to believe her, Zara gets a bit over-excited and goes in for a kiss, which is a terrible decision, considering he’s quite a bit older than her, they work together, and he already has a girlfriend. Hendrix is horrified, pushes her away, and says he has to tell Mackenzie about it. But of course, Zara begs him to keep it a secret and he decides not to tell Mackenzie, which I am absolutely sure will be a decision that will not come back to haunt him in any way.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Levi and Freya Are Perfect For Each Other

I’ve decided that Levi and Freya are perfect for each other, on account of the fact that they’re both incredibly boring. Levi has always been boring, and Freya is boring because all she cares about is finding her boring boyfriend Gareth, who I don’t care about because we’ve never met him and I’m not the slightest bit invested in his whereabouts.

Levi had a gun held to his head last week while trying to help Freya find him, so what does he do this week? He decides to keep helping her, of course, which is what every sane and rational human being would decide to do. Just to be clear, I wrote that last sentence in the font, Sarcasm Sans. Levi is very easy on the eye so I never complain when he gets a lot of screen time, but other than enjoying his face I couldn’t be less interested in this plot. The only saving grace so far was when Levi told Freya he was serious and she replied, “At all times. Apparently.” At least she’s noticed.

Literally Nobody Cares About Paul

Paul has managed to wheeze and grimace his way into the office to do some work while he should really still be recovering from the fictional medical condition he paid someone to say he had. Only, it turns out there is something actually wrong with him, and my guess is that it’s some sort of physical manifestation of the pure evil that lives in this man’s soul.

He phones everyone he knows but they mostly ignore his calls. In Glen’s case, he answers, tells Paul he’ll take him to the doctors and then just thinks, “nah”, and carries on with his day. This leaves Paul, alone in the office, collapsed on the floor. Hard to have sympathy for the man who tries so hard to alienate everyone around him though. If he phoned me I’d definitely let it go to voicemail.

Sometimes, David, You Have to Throw Your Whole Husband Away

Where do I start with Aaron this week? It’s very difficult to know where to start unpacking the absolute horror show that has been Aaron’s actions over the custody of baby Abigail.

But I really wanted to own this baby. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

David has been stalling with the legal part of formalising Abigail’s new parenting agreement, hoping that Leo comes to his senses and decides that his daughter is not an unwanted Christmas present he can regift to his twin brother. Luckily Chloe steps in and finally makes Leo see that giving up his child is a big mistake, and Leo does a U-turn at the last minute and decides he can’t give her up. He then spends the rest of the day pushing Abigail around in her buggy and absolutely beaming from ear to ear.

Despite the very obvious fact that Leo is positively radiating joy since he decided to keep Abigail, Aaron goes ballistic, because let’s not forget that this is all about him, and Aaron views babies very much like Pokémon, in that he has to catch ’em all. Everyone has been telling him for weeks that Leo just needed some time and he’d eventually see that he needed to be there for Abigail, but Aaron was fully convinced that he’d bagged himself another baby. Aaron blames Leo’s change of heart on Chloe’s meddling, even bringing up her actions that lead to Nicolette leaving before she had Isla.

Is Aaron high? He’s angry that someone in the middle of grieving for their child’s mother isn’t just going to casually give him the baby, and he’s acting like he’s the victim. He keeps banging on about how hard it was for him to lose her last time and how he can’t do it again – well, I’m sorry Aaron, but you’re the one who got so invested in something that was clearly part of a bereaved man’s cry for help. The person who really matters in all of this is Abigail, not Aaron, and he needs to get a grip of himself. He’s still her uncle, for goodness’ sake. If I was David, I’d be phoning Pia back to see if she has some good divorce lawyer recommendations, because I don’t think I could stay married to someone who throws a tantrum because someone hasn’t gifted him an actual human baby. Into the bin, Aaron!