Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

It’s another one of those weeks where I’ve only watched as far as Thursday, but boy do I have a lot to talk about, and a lot of it is about how the extended Robinson family are all terrible. Let’s crack on.

David Has Gone Full Robinson

As if one pandemic wasn’t enough, there appears to be a second one beginning in Ramsay Street. It’s called Robinson-19 and Patient Zero is thought to be Paul Robinson. The symptoms are being an absolute, self-absorbed, unreasonable, and manipulative weapon – Harlow has already succumbed and now it looks like David has it as well.

I might not be Nicolette’s biggest fan, but I was firmly on her side this week because David is being utterly awful and more than a little unhinged. Nicolette offering a 50/50 parenting agreement is more than reasonable, considering that we’re talking about access to an actual human being that Nicolette gave birth to, rather than, say, a kitchen appliance that a couple bought when they were together and are now trying to decide custody of after they’ve split up. But no, that’s not enough for David, he wants Nicolette to just hand her baby over, as they decided in their frankly laughable and not in any way legally binding verbal agreement. David really channels his dad and hires some decidedly dodgy lawyers who are almost frothing at the mouth in excited anticipation of getting to dig up dirt on Nicolette in order to slur her character and win a legal case against her.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Nicolette isn’t about to just hand her baby over without a fight, so she starts digging up her own dirt on David. He’s very short-sightedly forgotten that Nicolette used to be a nurse, and so knows plenty of people who can give her the gossip on the numerous times he’s done shady things at the hospital. When David finds out that Nicolette’s been doing some detective work, he goes stratospheric and gives her the hairdryer treatment over it. So it’s fine when he does it, but not when Nicolette does? He’s such a hypocrite and has clearly been spending way too long with Paul. He was an absolute melt this week, and I’ve had enough of him.

Harlow Completes Her Evil Makeover

As I mentioned before, Harlow has well and truly caught the Robinson-19 virus and is now absolutely insufferable, which I am still very much enjoying. And I got my wish – she’s moved into the penthouse with Paul to set up an Evil HQ and become his dedicated henchwoman! It all comes about because Terese confides in Harlow that she might consider taking Paul back if she got a genuine apology from him, and if he realized how much his actions had hurt people. Harlow, of course, goes running straight to Paul to tell him what Terese wants him to say, and Paul says it. Almost word for word. Honestly, did he learn nothing at school? You don’t copy the textbook exactly, you re-jig the order and put it into your own words so the teacher doesn’t notice!

After all of her scheming with Paul, trying to manipulate Terese into getting back together with him, this is the final straw for Terese and she has had enough. She confronts Harlow, and Harow is utterly vile in return, so Terese throws her out, which was such a fun scene to watch. Now Paul and Harlow can start working on their evil plans to take over the world together. Mwah-ha-ha!

Bad News For Kyle

As I predicted, Kyle has come back from Frankston with the unfortunate news that he has cancer. Roxy is obviously devastated, and Toadie immediately senses that something is going on between them. Toadie being Toadie, he finds out that Georgia is in Frankston and that she has big news for the family, so he puts two and two together and gets about 397, and decides that the only possible reason Kyle and Roxy both have a face like a wet week is because Georgia has turned up with Kyle’s surprise baby. The theory is so ridiculous that Kyle has to come clean and tell Toadie what’s really going on. I don’t wish cancer on anyone, even fictional cancer, but I am kind of excited that Kyle and Roxy get a proper storyline to get their teeth into, rather than just being bit players in other people’s plots. I’m excited to see some big scenes between them.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Melanie Wrestles With a Medical Diagnosis

Kyle isn’t the only one with a medical issue, as Melanie breaks her arm during an impromptu bout of wrestling in the living room at number 30, which was a much-needed comedy scene and an absolutely lovely bit of business. My personal highlight was Hendrix getting involved, with his pants on over his trousers. Neighbours do silly comedy so well, but it’s been a while since we saw any, so this whole scene was *chef’s kiss*.

Melanie takes a fall and immediately yelps with pain because she’s broken her wrist. While getting treated for it in hospital, the possibility of her having osteoporosis is brought up, and she gets incredibly flustered and insulted by the suggestion, and flat-out refuses to get tested for it. Melanie isn’t known for her calm and rational judgment, but this whole tantrum is so silly. Just stop faffing about and get the damn test – there are some problems that need a bit more than crystals and sage to solve them, and when I say ‘some problems’, I mean literally everything. Eventually, Toadie manages to persuade her to get the test, and it turns out she does indeed have osteoporosis. Madam Zolga didn’t seem to see that one coming, did she…?