I seem to be starting this with apologies every week, and here I go again. I haven’t seen Friday’s episode, so forgive me for anything glaring that I’ve missed out of my round-up of last week’s UK episodes. Hopefully, I won’t have to say that for too much longer, as we are slowly catching up with our Aussie friends!

Everyone Judges Melanie

Karl, Susan, Sheila, and Hendrix are all doing their best to dig up dirt on Melanie after they found out about her having an affair with her boss. Despite all of their clumsy efforts to uncover more juicy gossip, it’s Mackenzie who accidentally stumbles on the information that Melanie has had multiple relationships with men that she worked with and with men who were usually her bosses. After Mackenzie confronts Melanie, she spills the full story to Toadie. Despite him saying that he doesn’t care how many men she’s had relationships with, he then proceeds to get pretty upset about the number of men she’s had relationships with. I am by no means a Melanie fan, but it was all a bit judgey.

It can be argued that having relationships with people you work with is the greatest of ideas, but everyone is acting like she did something much, much worse, and considering that Toadie was involved with a conwoman who is now in prison, it seems a bit much to go ballistic over finding out his current partner has had a few workplace flings. Also, it takes two to tango, but there isn’t much judgment being thrown in the direction of the bosses – one of which, I might add, is Toadie himself. He’s very quick to judge Melanie for something that he’s also been a part of. I found the whole thing kind of icky, and the only redeeming feature of this plot is that it might spell the end for Toadie and Melanie. Please. It’s time for Melanie to pack up her kaftans and head back to wherever she’s been for the past twenty years.

Paul Turns Detective

Paul goes off to Canberra to try to find Nicolette after his private detective sends him a photo that looks like Audrey and Nicolette are meeting up there. My favourite thing about when Neighbours goes on location is the obligatory shot of the most distinctive thing about that place, which we got in the form of Paul standing in front of the parliament building in his Columbo trench coat. Normally, I would say that Paul going to another city and immediately finding the person he’s looking for (and who is trying desperately to avoid him) within a matter of hours is far-fetched, but I’ve been to Canberra, and there isn’t all that much going on there. I’m sorry, I know it’s a cheap shot to have a pop at Canberra, but I couldn’t resist.

My favourite thing about how Paul manages to track Nicolette down is that he clearly isn’t very suited to the task, despite having bought a special detective coat for the occasion. Firstly, he can’t run all that fast because of his limp, and secondly, the first time he catches sight of her, his first instinct is to yell her name, and it doesn’t occur to him until much later that this might not be the best way to sneakily ambush someone. Despite all this, Nicolette still agrees to meet up with him. It must be the power of the coat that did it. Nobody can resist the detective coat.

“Just one more thing…” Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Amy Goes For the Double

Amy has finally decided that she’s going to give polyamory a go with Levi and Ned, inspired by the fact that Nell wanted both spaghetti and pancakes from the Waterhole because she likes them both for different reasons. And why the heck not? I can see no reason why two doses of carbs in one sitting could be a bad thing. But seriously, though, I’m down for Neighbours exploring a few relationship dynamics that are a bit different to the norm – and it makes a refreshing change from the judgefest that’s going on over at number 30 anyway. This story also gives rise to my favourite line of the week. Sheila is getting herself into a right froth over Levi entering into a love triangle situation with Amy and Ned, and while I don’t agree with the way she yells at Amy for corrupting her precious grandson or whatever it is that she’s got her knickers in a twist over, I did enjoy it when she finished her tirade by barking, “If you are so desperate for an exciting trio, try a three-bean salad!” It’s the most Sheila thing she’s said in a long while, and I love it. Iconic.

David is Falling Apart

David is crumbling under the pressure of not knowing where Nicolette and his unborn child are, and he’s lashing out at Aaron, plus making some pretty lousy decisions at work. He gets rumbled by Karl on the verge of misusing the hospital computer system to ensure that he’s notified when Nicolette gives birth, wherever she might be when that happens. He then goes off at Aaron for hanging out with Chloe and for not being at the appropriate level of sadness. Even affable human Labrador Kyle can’t chill him out, so that’s when you know things are bad. We know how the Tanaka boys deal with heartbreak and anguish, and David is about one sleepless night away from drunkenly rattling a gate and screaming at the top of his lungs. Thankfully, he decides that having a good old cry on Terese’s shoulder is a better option, and if anyone can sort him out, it’s Terese. Terese can do anything.

Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Harlow is Somehow a Business Genius

Harlow was at school five minutes ago, then she’s done about one semester of university, and suddenly she’s able to do Chloe’s job more competently than Chloe can. How is this possible? I’m a grown woman who’s had the same career for well over a decade, and I still forget how to do my entire job every time I take a week off. How is Harlow suddenly some sort of business savant? She wanted to be a psychologist until fairly recently, then she was all about being the next Greta Thunberg, and overnight she’s turned herself into some sort of business Doogie Howser (Yes, I’m old. Google it.). The only explanation is that her business genius is being powered by evil. I know I’m like a stuck record, but I’m convinced we are currently witnessing Harlow’s descent into villainhood, and I’m going to be distraught if it doesn’t happen.