© Channel 5

It’s one of those support-bubble visiting weeks, so I’ve only seen up to Thursday’s episode as I write this. I’ve still got plenty to say about some of the idiots on Ramsay Street though, so let’s crack on.

Emmett Won’t Be Winning An Oscar Any Time Soon

After the bungled robbery which left Nicolette trapped under a shelving unit, all the clues as to who did it are pointing towards Brent. He’s clearly not the most sophisticated thief, because he used the security code to get into The Hive, which is information only a select few people have. Ned isn’t known for his brains, but I reckon even he could figure out that between the grand total of two suspects it probably wasn’t himself, so it was likely to be Brent. Thankfully this one won’t tax Erinsborough police too much, we know how they struggle. But then Emmett throws a spanner in the works by announcing that he was the thief, which convinces nobody, especially since Brent is standing right next to him with his weird watery eyes, looking as suspicious as it is possible to look. Literally, nobody truly believes Emmett, and it isn’t long before Brent fesses up, packs all his oversized brown T-shirts, and does a runner, leaving a confession letter behind.

Ned’s Got the Hots For Sheila

No, not that Sheila. We all know Ned is partial to an older woman but I don’t think he’s going to be getting it on with Original Sheila any time soon. New Sheila, however, might be a different story. The two have bonded over their love of art, although personally, I think the word “art” can only be loosely applied to whatever it is that Ned does – remember those weird plaster boobs he made? Anyway, there’s a definite spark between Ned and New Sheila, which I think is cute, and it leaves Ned obviously questioning what he and Yashvi have in common after she refuses to go to an art gallery with him because she’s trying to sleep off a hangover. I don’t blame her, to be honest, I can think of few things I’d rather do with a hangover than shuffle around an art gallery. One of those few things is going to a theme park with a hangover. I did that once – 1/10, would not recommend, but that’s beside the point. Bea sees Ned and New Sheila bonding during their painting lesson, so it’s only a matter of time before she blabs to Yashvi and causes a whole load of unnecessary drama that could probably be ironed out with one simple conversation that Ned and Yashvi will avoid having for several days.

Ned and Sheila. No, not that one. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Plain Jane the Super Pain

What is with Jane at the moment? I’ll tell you what – she’s finally completed her metamorphosis into a chihuahua. Bear with me, I promise I haven’t lost my mind. Chihuahuas are comprised of 50% nervous tremble and 50% blind I’d-tear-your-arm-off-if-I-could-reach-it hatred, and that is exactly what Jane is now made up of. One minute she’s nervously flapping around Nicolette’s bedside, bringing all the wrong things (Nicolette is not my daughter, but even I could have predicted she wouldn’t be into old lady puzzle magazines) and being very put out when Chloe does a better job of providing Nicolette with exactly what she needs; and the next minute she’s tearing strips off Susan. Jane’s done some pretty impressive mental gymnastics and come to the conclusion that Susan is directly to blame for Nicolette being injured in the burglary. Of course, Susan reacts with the kind of weary stoicism one must get very good at after being married to Karl as many times as she has, and just lets Jane get whatever this is out of her system. I hope she does get it out of her system soon because she’s being really annoying at the moment.

Hendrix and Mackenzie Continue to Have Zero Chemistry

Seriously, why is this still happening? They have no chemistry at all. As friends, they’re really fun but I am just not buying them as a couple. I know that everyone has to date someone on the street and there are limited options for teens at the moment, but Hendrix honestly has more chemistry with Paul than he does with Mackenzie.

Paul is Destined For Landfill Yet Again

Speaking of Paul, he should be off to the tip in a big black bag yet again because despite everyone in his life repeatedly telling him to stop interfering with their business, he goes ahead and does it anyway, and sparks off the whole Brent drama that gets Nicolette squashed by a Billy bookcase. The letter Brent leaves for Harlow before legging it explains that Paul had told him Harlow wanted to break up with him, which sent him into the spiral that eventually leads to the burglary. Harlow understandably goes ballistic at Paul, because she’s told him not to meddle in her life before, as has literally everyone who knows him, and Paul still acts as though he’s the victim in all this, sitting there feeling sorry for himself with his sad little glass of whisky. Thankfully, Terese is there to hammer home to him that he is in actual fact a tool, and that he needs to take responsibility for what he’s done. So that will be when hell freezes over then? Into the bin with you, Paul…

Sad Paul is sad. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy