© Channel 5

There were a few things in last week’s UK episodes that really made me laugh. So without further ado, let me start my Neighbours round-up straight away so I can get on with making fun of it.

Jane and Susan Need to Stop Trying to Make Brendrix Happen

The Brent and Hendrix angst continues, as the pair continue to fight over Harlow like they’re a couple of cavemen and she’s a prime leg of the woolly mammoth. I’m a huge Hendrix apologist, but he’s behaving like a prize tool at the moment. How many times does Harlow need to tell him that their relationship is over before it sinks in? She must be up to at least three by now, and he still doesn’t seem to be listening. Despite her having told him several times that there’s absolutely no chance that the two of them will get back together, he’s somehow decided to make it his life’s mission to prevent her from starting a relationship with Brent, even going as far as proposing some sort of deal with Paul where the two of them would join forces to try to stop the inevitable relationship from happening.

Hendrix needs to stop with the caveman behaviour. Pierce had a tendency to go all caveman when it concerned Chloe, and Hendrix has clearly picked up a few tips. Harlow wants nothing to do with him, and yet he’s still trying to insert himself into her love life and dictate who she gets involved with. It’s a funny about-turn from when Hendrix was the only one sticking up for the girls when there was that rating app going around the school.

Brent isn’t blameless either. He’s lording it up over Hendrix about how much time he’s spending with Harlow. Even if he’s only doing it to make Hendrix jealous because the two of them are sworn enemies, it’s still decidedly uncool to use Harlow to score points against Hendrix, as though she’s some sort of trophy they’re both trying to win. In my view, the only trophy either of them is going to get right now is one for being gross. They need to grow up.

Hendrix and his best friend Brent. © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Jane’s Soufflé Spill

In the dumbest move since Susan and Karl invited a murderer to live with them that time, Susan and Jane decide to create an entire new year group at the school. The year group will consist of a whole two pupils, who hate each other’s guts. What could possibly go wrong? I understand that they’re trialing this new initiative and that Brent and Hendrix are the obvious choices to be the guinea pigs, but they honestly couldn’t have found two people less suited to spending their days in each other’s company.

Hendrix is cooking a soufflé while Brent is somehow turning posters into sleeping bags or something (I admit I might have glazed over a bit during that particular part), and Brent thinks it will be a tremendous hoot to fiddle with Hendrix’s oven settings. Let me tell you if someone messed with my oven while I was baking, throwing the collapsed cake across the room would be the very least that I did. You do not mess with someone else’s baked goods. Anyway, Hendrix hurls the soufflé – not a sentence I ever thought I’d type – and Jane enters the classroom and immediately slips on it, despite her very sensible shoes. This fall made me laugh out loud, in fact, I may even have rewound it and watched it again. The shot of Jane’s practical footwear flying up into the air was one of the highlights of 2021 so far. I’ll admit that it’s a pretty low bar, but still…

Susan Makes Another Bad Decision

As if putting Brent and Hendrix together in a room with knives wasn’t bad enough, Susan makes another bad decision when she decides to collaborate with Olivia the dodgy author in order to write a new version of her book that isn’t full of lies. Karl is furious about it, and I’m 50/50 about whose side I’m on over this whole thing. On the one hand, the way Karl’s carrying on at Susan you’d think it wasn’t his great big flapping mouth that got them into this situation in the first place – there’s no wonder Susan wants to have a chance to put her side of the story forward. On the other hand, though, Susan is getting angry because she seems to think it’s her decision alone when actually the new book will impact her whole family, plus half the street and a couple of ex-pats in Switzerland. They eventually come to some sort of agreement over the book, and so Susan wastes no time in cracking on with spilling her guts to a woman who I wouldn’t trust with my shopping list, let alone my life story. This is not going to end well.

Don’t do it, Suze! Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Roxy’s Boxy Business Plan

Karl puts a stop to Roxy’s plan to commandeer half of a very cramped tram to make the world’s least inviting secondhand shop, so she goes to Paul to ask him if he’ll allow her to set up a pop-up shop on his land instead. He’s dead against the idea until he gets wind of how much Karl hates it too, and then Paul decides it’s the best idea he’s ever heard. Roxy’s plan is to set up an even more unappealing secondhand shop in a shipping container next to the tram and Karl is clearly dreading having a load of mannequins dressed in Sheila’s old bras next door to his beloved tram. On the subject of Sheila’s old bras, Roxy has some brass neck when it comes to sourcing stock. Rather than buying clothing to sell, she just grubs around the street asking people to donate stuff to her. Did anyone else think that was really cheeky? It’s not a charity shop, she’s selling their clothes to make a profit. She’s got some balls, that girl.

Kyle Gets His Kit Off

The other thing that made me giggle this week was Fay deciding that she wanted to do life drawing as one of her bucket list activities. The professional model canceled, so they all had to make do with Kyle in a cowboy hat. He offered to cover his gentleman’s agreements up with a fruit bowl, but Fay said, “I didn’t get you here so I could draw a pineapple”, which very nearly made me choke on my soup. Good old Fay, she can now cross “draw Kyle’s wang” off her bucket list.

That watermark is very well-placed. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Back to the Bay.

Toadie Gets Suspicious

Toadie actually does some real thinking this week, which is a very rare occurrence. After he sees Nicolette paying for lunch with Fay’s credit card, his suspicions are aroused, and by the time Nicolette brings Fay to his hotel room (sorry, his office) to make changes to her will, all he can see are red flags. You can’t really blame him, what with Nicolette’s form when it comes to stealing money from the dead and dying, but immediately confronting Nicolette with it seems like the least sensible thing to have done. I think I’d have spoken to Fay about it first – you know, with it being her will and everything. But still, it’s one of the first times Toadie has demonstrated any kind of aptitude for critical thinking, so you have to give him credit for that…