Deadpool is a fictional character (no sh*t, Sherlock). The number of unspeakable crimes he’s committed is unheard of. I mean, kudos to the writers for always going the extra mile to make Wade the biggest psychopath that has ever fictionally existed.

Here’s a short list of stuff he’d done:

  • Burned his parents’ house down while they were sleeping.
  • Used his daughter as bait
  • Shot his bestie Spiderman in the head
  • Tried to have sex with himself
  • Became a Herald for Galactus because he was bored

Now, let’s imagine if he was real. What are the horrible things he might do.

1- Beat the living crap out of child molesters

He’s not the hero but he’s every child’s guardian angel and you know it. Do I really need to explain why?
Okay, fine. In Deadpool 1, during the opening scene, he scared the bejesus out of a stalker that kept bothering this one underage girl.
In Deadpool 2, he became Russel’s personal bodyguard against Cable and the evil director of the shady psychiatric institute.
In the comics, Wade Wilson has a daughter. That deranged son of a gun has a child!!
Side note: How the hell did the writers let that happen? Heck, how did Wade allowed it to happen? He knows he’s messed up and that could be passed on to his offspring. His fatherly instincts flared up and wanted to play secret Santa? Whether you support that decision or not, it’s ridiculously selfish.
The point I’m trying to make is Deadpool has a soft spot for kids.

How’s this terrible? It’s a grey area. You don’t fix a crime with another one, which I’m certain that people have contradictory opinions about it. Hence, the maybe in the title.

2- End child trafficking once and for all

This one ties in with the one above.
Deadpool’s soft spot for kids will definitely set him on a mission to end child trafficking once and for all. He’ll probably become the next Baba Yaga. He certainly looks like it.

The thing is, I can definitely see him make a spectacle out of it. He’ll probably hold a TV crew hostage so they could follow him on his quest to hunt down all the crime lord syndicates that are involved in child trafficking.

So, he’ll be doing something noble, just going the wrong way about it.

3- Open a chimichanga-only restaurant chain

You say Deadpool, I hear chimichangas.
The dude loves his deep-fried burritos so much he’ll definitely open a restaurant chain just o he could have an endless free supply for life.
Can we blame him? Heck no. We’ll most likely get addicted to the stuff because if when you’re passionate about something, you perfect it. You can bet your ass Deadpool will be selling the perfect chimichangas.

How’s this horrible? In the comics, he had enslaved a chef in an oven to make him an endless amount of chimichangas. How do you think he’s going to treat his employees?

4- Steal the Covid vaccine just ‘coz

If I can think of something this effed up, chances are Deadpool already has and acted upon it. He’d steal it just for kicks and not even for the money.
The issue is you can’t kill him. The dude’s immortal. What are the governments going to do? Send black ops teams to hunt him down? Good luck with that!
And we all know he’s such an a**hole that when another vaccine is developed, he’ll just steal it again.
I’m starting not to like the idea of having him as real flesh and bone.

5- Wipeout humanity

I’m obsessed with the kill-o-verse. Deadpool kills the Marvel Universe is one of my favorite storylines. If that monstrosity can happen, guess what?

6- Become a social media sensation

If the comics, movies, and video games have taught us anything, it’s that Deadpool loves killing, chimichangas, pancakes, Lady Death, bad puns, and attention.

I have a list of potential usernames he might even go by D_Wade (NBA pun), Big_Daddy_D (so many inappropriate jokes there), Spiderman2.0, Not_Deathstroke, and so much more.

I’m willing to bet Mark Zuckerberg will revise his ban guidelines otherwise his head might up on one of the stories if you catch my drift.

How is this a horrible thing? Social media influencers. ‘Nough said!

That’s all I could think of about the horrible things Deadpool might do if he was real. Do you think you can add something interesting to the list? Share your thoughts, maybe Big_Daddy_D will get inspired.