Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy.

Last week on Neighbours was pretty hectic, so I have quite a lot to talk about. But before I get into any of the meaty storylines, can we all just sit back and appreciate the fact that in a week where his domestic situation decidedly takes a turn for the worse, the way Hendrix deals with it is to go and watch reality TV with his school principal? It’s just about the most wholesome thing that’s ever happened on Neighbours, and I love it.

Karl and Jane Have Lost Their Minds

Staying in the Kennedy house for now, it seems that Karl and Jane have combined to become some sort of perfect couponing storm, turning the house into a doomsday prepper’s paradise with enough tuna to feed the whole of Erinsborough for several years. Susan walks in on them doing their stocktake and absolutely loses her mind, meaning they have to find somewhere else to store it all. They manage to persuade Nicolette to store it at David and Aaron’s house, but I fear we haven’t heard the end of this one yet.

The situation over at number 32 is a little bit bizarre at the moment anyway, for practical reasons, because Nicolette doesn’t seem to be in the same filming bubble as Aaron and David, which means she lives with them but they’re never all in the house at the same time. It’s genuinely the first time the Covid filming restrictions have made anything seem weird to me though, so kudos to Neighbours for managing it this well for this long.

The Dipi/Shane/Pierce/Chloe Situation is a Big Mess

It’s been a big week for Chloe, Pierce, Shane and Dipi. Shane’s consistent awfulness and Chloe’s friendship with Nicolette has driven Dipi and Pierce together, and after the disasterous cookery class, Dipi and Pierce end up kissing in Dipi’s hotel room. We all saw it coming, and it’s clearly not going to end at one kiss. I wasn’t on board with Dipi and Pierce at first because they seemed like a bit of a random pairing, but the more screen time they have together, the more I’m buying into it. Chloe and Pierce’s huge bust-up during the cooking class sends them off to marriage counselling, and after their first session Chloe immediately decides the best way to sort their marriage out is for her to head off to Adelaide on her own, which is not the first stupid decision she’s made in the past few weeks.

The one thing that really niggles me about this storyline is that I feel like we’re being made to side with Pierce and blame Chloe for the fact that he kissed Dipi, like she’s driven him to it through her friendship with Nicolette, when actually I’m firmly on Chloe’s side. Sure, she could have dealt with the whole Nicolette situation a bit better, but she’s had a lot to deal with, and Pierce has been acting all “alpha male” about the whole thing from the start, which is incredibly unattractive. This is all going to end very, very badly.

What attracted you to the billionnare Pierce Grayson? Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy.

Shane is the New Gary

Gary left a vacancy on the street for a character who is a loser who gets everything wrong, and for a while it looked like Kyle might follow in his dad’s footsteps, but Shane has well and truly claimed the role for himself. To clarify, I’m not calling him a loser for having a drug problem – addiction is an illness that can happen to anyone – I’m calling him a loser for getting everything so disastrously wrong since he left rehab early. It’s like they removed all of his social skills at rehab. One minute he’s a moody, grunting teenager who doesn’t seem able to string a whole sentence together, and the next minute he’s gatecrashing Dipi’s cookery class to chirpily recite bush poetry. His behaviour is so bizarre and annoying, you can’t blame Dipi for being tempted to cheat on him. Read the room, Shane.

Toadie Is Dumb

We all know that Toadie is a less than competent lawyer, but he’s about to make a huge mistake which he has not thought through at all. Mackenzie has got in his ear about helping Rose out by telling her information about where her ex-husband is hiding all of his money, which would be fine if Toadie hadn’t formerly been her ex’s lawyer and he wasn’t covered by lawyer/client privilege. The thing that Toadie hasn’t thought through is that a man who is clever enough to hide all his assets in a bitter divorce battle is probably also clever enough to work out where Rose got the information from when her and Toadie are constantly hanging out together in public.

Nobody has any sense of privacy on Ramsay Street – we all saw Toadie just walk into the spa when Rose was giving Hendrix a massage and, if that wasn’t bad enough, Rose then immediately repeated everything that Hendrix had just told her in confidence to Toadie. Walking in on a schoolboy in the nip is bad enough, but breaking a former client’s confidentiality is taking it to a whole new level. I knew Rose would lead Toadie into trouble.

Scarlett is Up to Her Old Tricks

Scarlett has pretty much picked up where she left off last time, except that this time she is trying to convince the police that Ned is the one who’s stalking her. Her fiancé has already swallowed her lies and thinks she was framed by Ned after she chased him through that maze with a cheese knife, so now she just has to get the police to believe her. Bea and Roxy decide the best way to help Ned out of this situation is to pretend to be the hard kids from school and warn her off, which I suspect will be about as successful as Bea’s new haircut.

Nobody has ever accused Ned of being smart, but I do have one burning question about his decision to paint Scarlett’s portrait. It’s a pretty bonkers decision in the first place but why, given her history, would you then decide to paint the portrait using a palette knife? Wouldn’t you make sure that was well out of her reach and use a flipping brush? Good lord, Ned, that’s dim even for you.

Hide the knives, Ned. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy.

Yashvi is furious after finding out that he’s been lying to her about his Fandangle superfan being Scarlett, and I don’t have a lot of time for this part of the story, except for the fact that it meant we got to hear Yashvi say, “I agreed to you sitting on a cake, that’s it,” which is quite a remarkable line of dialogue, even by Erinsborough standards. Please never change, Neighbours…