Photo: © Channel 5 Source: Digital Spy.

I didn’t think I had a lot to say about last week’s Neighbours, especially since I haven’t managed to watch Friday’s episode yet, but then when I started to think about the key points of the week, it turned out I did have quite a bit to say after all. So, without further fuss, here is my round-up of last week’s UK episodes.

Shane Is A Teenager Now

Who could blame Dipi for looking like she might be about to do the dirty on Shane with Pierce? Aside from Pierce’s rather attractive bank balance, he’s also a lot easier to talk to than the manchild she’s unwittingly adopted since Shane returned from rehab. He’s moody, withdrawn, and not even doing the bare minimum that is expected of him as a husband and father. He did do a drawing of a present he intends to make for Dipi, so that’s something. I might take a tip from him, and cut back on my Christmas shopping this year by offering my friends and family drawings of all the things I would have bought them if only I could have been bothered. His family haven’t been very supportive, but he’s not helping matters by grunting and scowling his way through his “my life is so hard” act. At least Toadie is around to tell him to get a grip.

UGH. Rose.

Talking of Toadie, he seems to have seen more of Rose since he fired her than he did when they worked together, because she will not stop bothering him. First she tries to make him swear not to tell her ex-husband what she’s been up to (which was fraud – let’s not forget that). After that she goes for a bit of emotional blackmail, by bursting into tears in the Waterhole. I’ve completely had it with Rose. It’s awful when a husband tries to leave his wife with nothing in a bitter divorce, but most people don’t stoop to trying to steal confidential information from their ex-husband’s lawyer, and to be perfectly honest, she’s daft for not protecting herself legally if she didn’t have any assets in her own name. My advice to her would be to stop hanging around Toadie like a stubborn fart, get some free legal advice from the CAB (or the Aussie equivalent) and go and look for a damn job. I just do not have any patience left for this woman at all. UGH. Is she leaving soon?

Rose just being her usual awful self. Also, her skirt is horrible. Photo: © Channel 5 Source: Digital Spy.

The World’s Most Awkward Baby Shower Ends Even More Awkwardly Than Anyone Could Have Imagined

Chloe goes ahead with her baby shower, which she decides not to cancel despite the fact that she lost the baby the day before. Nobody would exactly be making their best decisions in these circumstances, but her choosing to have the baby shower anyway was so baffling. She says it’s for Faye, but what was her long-term plan? To keep pretending to be pregnant while ever Faye is still alive? Stuff a cushion up her dress? What if Faye lives another six months? That’s going to be an awkward conversation. The reality is it’s all just a vehicle for a tearful public reveal of what has happened and a big showdown between Pierce and Nicolette, who he blames for the miscarriage. I don’t agree with Pierce that it was Nicolette’s fault, but I did enjoy him giving her the hairdryer treatment, mostly just because she’s absolutely awful and she can get in the bin with Rose. The big loser (aside from Chloe and Pierce, obviously) is poor Hendrix, who finds out he’s not going to be a big brother and then just gets left to his own devices to process the news, and while he’s doing so, he lets slip to Pierce that Nicolette has feelings for Chloe. I can see where this storyline is headed, with Pierce going to Dipi for comfort, and Chloe turning to Nicolette, and I sort of wish they’d all get on with it already.

Surprise! Scarlett is Back

In a storyline that most of us saw coming mere centuries ago, Scarlett is back and it looks like she’s left all her trousers in the psychiatric hospital. I’m an ancient being and I dress like a toddler at a birthday party, so it’s a fair thing to say that fashion confuses me. But I was so deeply confused by Scarlett’s pink dress/jacket thing (dracket?) which made it look like she’d given up getting dressed halfway through the the process. Where were her trousers? Wasn’t her bum cold? I have so many questions. I have questions about other things too. Apparently she wants Ned to paint a picture of her because he ruined her life and paying him to do a portrait means she’s won. What? That makes about as much sense as a sunroof on a submarine, but OK then. Of course, she has the video of Ned doing whatever rude thing it was that she asked him to do to use as leverage, because although you can’t see his face in it you can see his rubbish tattoos, so everyone will know it’s him if she releases it. Ned takes advice from Roxy (ROXY?) and decides to go ahead and do the portrait as long as Scarlett promises to show him proof that she’s deleted the video. Riddle me this, Ned: how exactly is she going to prove that she’s deleted it? She could tell you she’s deleted it, but have it saved on a memory stick or in the cloud somewhere. In fact, it could already be on the internet. She cannot prove that she’s deleted it! I suspect that Ned would still be fooled by that thing adults do to babies where they tuck their thumb under their fingers and pretend they’ve stolen their nose. He is a buffoon, and that’s all I have to say on the matter.

Someone stole that woman’s trousers! Photo: © Channel 5 Source: Digital Spy.