Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

I’m yet again having to write this without having seen Friday’s episode, in case you’re wondering why I didn’t mention something big that happened at the end of the week. It wasn’t the most exciting week of Neighbours (up until Thursday) because far more time than anyone wanted was spent on this silly election and Nicolette and her dramas, which I have absolutely no time for whatsoever. Anyway, with that brief moan out of the way, let’s get on with last week’s UK round-up. (And I know we were behind Australia for decades, but being behind again is getting really tedious now.)

Yashvi Has Already Turned Into Mishti

I had the feeling that as soon as Yashvi became a cop she was going to get all high and mighty and boring, just like Mishti, and it looks like I’m right. Instead of trying to support her dad over his drug problem and latest brush with the law, Yashvi seems to be going all out to do everything in her power to make things worse for him. First she enthusiastically dragged him off to the police station and now she knows something dodgy is going on with her boss, she’s doing everything she can to get on his nerves and pretty much guarantee that he’s going to make her dad’s life hell. Dodgy Dax has explicitly told Yashvi that if she defies him and pokes around in the drug case that things will get a lot worse for her dad, so what does she do? Goes rogue, of course. Her and Levi go chasing after River behind Dax’s back, so now he knows they’re on to him. It’s only then that she suddenly starts panicking about what this will mean for her job and for Shane, but by this point it’s too late and she finds herself implicated in the attack on River and suspended. Sometimes I wish someone on Ramsay Street would just stop for ten seconds and think their actions through, and if there’s only one person in the whole suburb who does that, please can it be one of the police officers?

Yashvi goes rogue. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Random Named Character in ‘Turns Out to Be Evil’ Shocker

When Dax randomly showed up as some mysterious friend of Terese’s that we’d never heard of before, I had a sneaky suspicion that he might turn out to be evil, because that is usually the case when some random turns up and has enough lines for their character to have a name. So colour me surprised to learn that he’s a dirty cop. All randoms are dodgy – it’s just the way of things in Erinsborough.

Ned’s Still Struggling With the Concept of Photos and Moving Images

The other week Ned was struggling with the concept of a mirror reflection showing his bum in a photo, and last week he managed to leave very obvious evidence which gave away his specific geographic location in the video he recorded of him stripping. There’s no shame in getting your kit off for money, but there are ways of doing it that are safe and aren’t going to put you in danger – and I’d say that letting someone who wants to pay you hundreds of dollars to sit on a cake in order to get their rocks off know precisely what building they can find you in is decidedly not safe. Ned is one of those people who photographs things they want to sell on eBay in the buff, without realising that the mirror in the background has just exposed their wang to the whole internet. If, at any time in your life, it comes to the point when Kyle is the voice of reason, you need to take a long hard look at yourself. Maybe in a mirror.

The Youth Councillor Race Gets Nasty

Despite the fact that literally nobody cares about this youth councillor election, it seemed to be the big story on Neighbours last week. I enjoyed Hendrix and Richie going toe to toe about whose girlfriend was the best right at the start, but I’m completely over the rest of it. Predictably, after saying they wouldn’t let standing for election against each other get in the way of their friendship, Harlow and Mackenzie are now at each other’s throats, mostly because Harlow ate a few Ferrero Rochers. It’s boring and I’d like it to stop now.

Nobody cares. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy

Toadie’s New PA Has Some Unorthodox Methods

I am not sold on Toadie’s PA and her sickly sweet demeanour at all. I am very distrustful of anyone who is that cheerful all the time, unless they’re a children’s TV presenter. Actually no, I’m suspicious even then. It’s just not normal. I’ve good reason to be suspicious, because she’s still sneaking around, trying to look at confidential files and taking a lot of panicked, “What are you doing calling me at work?” phone calls. She’s also taking part in the lamest prank-off in the history of pranks with Toadie. Spiders in drawers and whoopie cushions? Come on, surreptitiously Sellotape your colleague’s draw shut and then watch him almost break his wrist when he tries to open it, and then we’ll talk. Not that I’ve done that or anything. Anyway, she also uses the whoopie cushion to get rid of Hendrix when he’s trying to spy on Mackenzie’s election campaign, which is just bizarre. That’s how you get rid of a kid who’s in a legal office he doesn’t really have any right to be in? You pretend to fart? She’s so strange. He’s a school kid, just tell him to get out of the office!

Talking of Hendrix, at least we have our favourite schoolboy detective hot on Rose’s trail. Mere days after blowing the whole Chloe and Nicolette case wide open by snooping around at Aaron and David’s, he’s now busy catching Rose in the act of photographing confidential files in the office. I think he should be careful with Rose, what with her weird antics and her giggly, saccharine persona – that is pure, unhinged Hollywood villain behaviour. Maybe he should rope his detective partner Jane in again, and together they can figure out what her deal is…