The holidays are here and there’s nothing more terrifying than daunting, awkward family gatherings filled with questions about your career, your marriage (or worse, lack of a marriage) and the especially dreaded conversation with grandma about the grand babies she’s expecting. We’ve all been there and we all wish we could run and hide from the fiasco year after year. But after you enjoy perhaps a little too much of that homemade eggnog to cope, it’ll be time to unwind with a nice horror flick. And I’m here to help you scare away those horrific holiday memories.
This not-so-joyous film depicts the horned creature called Krampus doing what he does best: doling out some holly jolly punishment. The plot follows a dysfunctional family attempting to celebrate Christmas, which, of course, goes terribly wrong and results in bloodshed at the hands (and horns) of an ancient deity. Let’s be real, this one is great for de-stressing after those tense family gatherings.
Everyone loves Santa Claus, right? Actually, I personally had a deep-seated fear of Santa; some fat stranger coming down the chimney with children on his mind? Yeah, hard pass. This film will do nothing to alleviate a fear like that with the idea of Santa Claus sliding down into a family’s home and brutally killing ever family member. It will, however, remind you exactly why you were — or should have been — terrified of the jolly old fellow to begin with.
A Christmas Horror Story
If you’re a fan of anthologies, this is the holiday horror flick for you. Not only are these four stories brimming with classic themes like ghost possession, zombies, rogue Santas and, naturally, Krampus himself, but they’re hosted by a familiar face: William Shatner. That’s right, The Shat himself appears as Dangerous Dan, an unenthused radio host slogging through Christmas night while warning listeners to avoid the local mall that’s undergoing an unknown emergency. Sounds legit, right?
The Gingerdead Man
Okay, hear me out on this one — it may not be an award winner, but it’s a hell of an entertaining watch when you’re looking for some holiday hilarity. The plot follows a family running a bakery that’s in dire straights, and when some gingerbread mix contaminated with the ashes of a serial killer wind up on their doorstep the family unknowingly whips up a bedeviled cookie. Will it wow you? Absolutely!
….as much as a film about a gingerbread man possessed by a serial killer can, anyway.
Comments or complaints on my film choices? Throw ’em at me on Twitter!