Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy.

My TV broke (please send your positive thoughts), which means as I am writing this, I’ve only managed to watch one episode of Neighbours from last week. But it was quite the episode.

With all the suspicion falling on Gary over the attack on Paul, Karl bans him from the launch of the tram and Gary reacts in his usual calm and measured manner by getting absolutely battered and lumbering into the party anyway. My favourite bit was where he wrestled the ceremonial scissors off Karl just as he was about to declare the tram open. Damien Richardson did some particularly fine drunk acting, especially when Amy and Kyle find him passed out with a half-eaten pie in his hand. Gary really is all class.

Meanwhile, Sheila finds the crowbar which was used to beat up Paul, dumped in close proximity to the tram. Quite how it managed to get so much blood on it while Paul doesn’t really have much of a scratch on him remains a bit of a mystery to me, but I’m prepared to go with it. Sheila panics and decides to hide the crowbar in her recycling bin, but she’s dumping it in there at the precise moment that Harlow is getting a no doubt thrilling tour of the old Robinson house from Amy. Harlow seems to possess more common sense and intelligence than your average Ramsay Street resident, which makes her some sort of genius in comparison to the Cannings, who are not known for their great decision-making or ability to think things through. Sheila’s obviously shonky behaviour tips Harlow off that something is going on, and so she comes back later to investigate and finds the crowbar in the bin. Disappointingly, she calls the police and allows Mark to get all the glory as he arrests Sheila at the tram opening. Harlow would actually be a better option for Erinsborough police than Mark, she’s pretty good at this detecting lark.

neighbours kyle gary tram

The tram while it was still under construction. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy.

Can we talk about the tram for a second? I can’t imagine that a tram car is a particularly practical or comfortable venue for a restaurant. Yes, it has plenty of outdoor seating, but it is also in Melbourne, which has a distinctly northern European climate at times, so I do hope they’ve got plenty of heat lamps in that outdoor seating area. I’m digging the waiting staff’s green uniforms with the cute little conductor hats, but serving drinks in jam jars full of mint leaves seems a little bit five years ago. Things are always a little bit slow to catch on in Erinsborough though. Also, of all the businesses they could choose to put in the tram, it’s yet another place to eat and drink – so we have The Waterhole, Harold’s, the coffee shack, and presumably The Flame Tree is still going as well, although we never see it these days. I know nobody ever cooks in Neighbours,and everyone lives on takeaway food and coffees, but I do seriously wonder how many more food and drink venues one suburb can sustain.

So the “big reveal” of the episode is that Vance is hiding at the backpackers, and it was him who bashed Paul. Not to toot my own horn, but I saw this coming as soon as the attack happened, it’s the only thing that made sense to me in terms of explaining Roxy’s decision to lie about who she saw. I mean, I say Vance is “hiding” in the backpackers, but he appears to be on the mezzanine level which has no walls and no door, and is accessible to anyone who just walks into the hostel and goes up those stairs. I can think of better hiding places, if I’m completely honest.

And unfortunately, that’s where I have to stop, because that’s where I was when my TV decided to betray me. Hopefully next week I will have a replacement because, honestly, I cannot live like this.