Photo: © Channel 5.

I’ve kind of tried to avoid talking about the whole Dee thing so far, because if I’m quite honest, I’m not sure I care about it as much as Neighbours is telling me I should. They’re making out as if it’s something that I should have been wondering about for the past 16 years, but I’ve barely given it a thought. I think it must make me a bad Neighbours fan, because we’re supposed to be on the edge of our seats, and I’m just… not.

Even when Andrea turned up I wasn’t really bothered, and now she’s back and there’s also the spectre of this mysterious Karen floating around,  but I’m still kind of struggling to care. It probably doesn’t help that I’m going to miss the big reveal because – humblebrag alert – I’m prancing off to Budapest for a couple of days, and I don’t think Neighbours has made it over there yet…

I watched Neighbours back in the Dee days, and she was a likeable character, but then she left, and we all moved on. Now she might be back, but it’s still failing to get much more than a shrug out of me.

That said, I think it’s about time I went over some possible Dee theories. Neighbours keeps trailing that there’s going to be “a big reveal”, so it seems kind of obvious to me that Dee must still be alive, or else there’d be nothing to reveal. That isn’t a spoiler, I don’t actually know what’s going to happen, it just seems logical to me, so I’m just going to assume that Real Dee is back. I also have a horrible feeling that they’re going to go with the “long lost twins separated at birth” trope to explain the resemblance between Andrea and Dee, but that still doesn’t explain how Dee would still be alive.


Dee (or Karen?) lurking mysteriously on a bench. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy.

Toadie and Dee’s car plunged into the sea, so either she miraculously survived and started a new life, or the whole thing was staged and she was never in any danger.

Staging the accident seems a bit far-fetched. I mean, the whole thing seems far-fetched, but this is Neighbours, so we’re all already very good at suspending our disbelief. I mean, Gary and Amy are still together, and there are few storylines less believable than that…

Anyway, Toadie was in the car with Dee, so if it was staged and she was pulled out by whatever shadowy figures one employs to whisk a suburban newlywed into some sort of witness protection, surely he would have seen them rescuing her? And she isn’t a mermaid as far as we know, so she would have had to come up for air in the water at some point. Surely Toadie would have seen her? Also, they’ve done the witness protection thing before with Mark, so that can’t be it. And I can’t think of any other reason why the accident would be staged, so I personally think that option is out.

So, maybe she miraculously survived the accident but was washed away… but then why didn’t she come back? One explanation to that is amnesia, but they really can’t be going with amnesia again? Can they? Is amnesia contagious, like a cold? Or can it be caused by some sort of bacteria that is mysteriously lurking on Ramsay Street? Because honestly there’s no other way to explain all the people who’ve had amnesia on that street. 


Dee, Andrea or Karen? Who actually cares any more? That’s the question. Photo: © Channel 5. Source: Digital Spy.

So if she didn’t suffer from amnesia, she must have willingly abandoned her old life, and had some sort of dark secret that compelled her to take the opportunity to fake her own death and start all over again. Perhaps she realised she just couldn’t deal with Hawaiian shirts or watching wrestling on the TV any more?

Or maybe she is actually a mermaid?

Whatever it was that made her ditch Toadie and Ramsay Street, it’s probably the only thing out of this whole storyline that I’m even mildly curious about, much more so than the logistics of how she survived the car accident, or where she’s been all these years.

It had better be spectacularly ridiculous.