Jay is given the Grand Marshall title for the Fourth of July Parade. The original guy was accused of sexual assault.

Manny is terrified of bridges, and needs to be admonished by Lilly so that he can travel cross country alone. It’s hilarious and so in character for  him. I’ve missed Manny’s many phobias.

Cal is being watched over by Mitchell and Cam while Cam’s sister is in prison for stealing another woman’s purse. Cam is freaking out because he’s sold Cal’s progress much higher than 

Rhonda and Fandy Hodack are the incubent winners of a hot dog eating contest. Phil uses various methods to train Luke for anything, including heckling practice, just eating substantial amounts of hot dogs, and even waking Luke up in the middle of the night donning a hot dog costume.

Alex Dunphy is taking time off of school, relaxing a bit too much in her onesie. She convinces Claire to wear one as well, instead of planting tomatoes. Alex says it’ll help Claire take a load off before returning to work soon.

Hailey is frantically begging her family to seem normal as her boyfriend Arvin is saying goodbye before leaving for Switzerland. For a moment, I thought he was someone her age….then I realized that Hailey is dating one of Alex’s professors.

Hailey seems hopeful that their relationship will stop, faking humorous reactions as Arvin rushes out to his car bound for the airport. In the background, Phil was massaging Luke’s stomach. Super weird prep.

Cam attempts to make Cal seem more talented, editing together footage to make his nephew seem like he can tap dance, throw a ball, and counting. He’s seen playing a piano with the help of Cam playing the instrument using puppet strings. The video editing is horrible, and Lily tells her Dads as much.

Claire is offended that Alex has returned to school mode. She’s still in her unicorn onesie, unaware that her binge watching has melted away the time from June to July.

Luke is fretting over choosing his college courses, and Phil is hiding his jaw injury. Apparently, he tried to win a frisbee-eating contest against a college friend’s dog.

Jay accidentally says “shoot it” when the town reporter was giving him a photo. With Gloria on the phone, she misinterpreted his speech, firing off the canon to signal the march to begin. The large scissors Jay was using weren’t working and everything was a mess.

Manny isn’t present during the festivities, which Claire figures to be the cause of Gloria’s woes. She plans on getting fireworks and having Jay get apple pie, so Jay can at least continue watching fireworks and eating apple pie with his wife in Manny’s absense on the Fourth.

Mitchell and Cam attempt to see if Cal can shoot a water gun against a clown face. The young boy shoots the water against himself, holding the water gun backwards. Cal did pretty well riding a sheep.

Dylan is a nurse now, and Hailey is using her frayed relationship with Arvin to justify trying a kiss with him in the medical tent. She’s questioning her feelings for him, and Dylan doesn’t seem against the idea. Hailey looks confused as she exits.

Jay pulls up in a small red car, as Gloria talks with Manny over Skype. Alex sets up the fireworks and everyone enjoys apple pie.

Luke and Phil win the hot dog eating contest. I was relieved to see very little of the event on screen….hot dogs really gross me out. It was funny to hear Lilly trash talking the both of them the next day as the father and son started training for next year’s contest.

Now I really want to see the full awful video of Cal’s not yet acquired skills that Cam will send to Pam in prison. But how will she have permission and access to view the edited video?