Devil’s Bargain starts out almost immediately where Various and Sundry Villains left off, except Cas is running through the woods, inexplicably bleeding. We’re helped to fill in the blanks with some flashback jump cuts of our favorite angel and Lucifer fighting, and then Cas gives in to exhaustion, only to be woken up the next morning the same way I often am: by some kids poking him with a stick. After the kids freak out and run away (because apparently a not-dead body is more traumatic than a dead one), Cas heads back to where he last saw the devil, screaming his name like he’s Marlon Brando reincarnate.
Meanwhile in Missouri, Supernatural turns into “Skate into The Season” as a Hallmark movie quality meet cute happens when a Klutzy Cute Girl on honest to God four-wheeled skates stumbles into the waiting arms of Generic Handsome Man, sparking a romance that would fit tidily in 90 min, if this were any other show. Since it’s not, we can see that someone at least from the Heavenly Host is still doing their damn job as we see a Cupid lovingly gazing on the match he’s made. His smile doesn’t last too long, however, since a Grace thirsty Lucifer pops up and, after a Grace-ectomy and some good old fashion terrorizing to learn where other angels are (who knows?), punches the now-human Cupid through the soft spots, killing him.
Back at the Bunker, Cas fills Dean and Sam in on the past few however many weeks it’s been and it starts to sink in just how long ago Team Free Will has been in the same room. Cas tells them that they’ve been talking to Asmodeus, not him, and we can literally see Dean going through all their conversations in his mind as Sam freaks out about the idea of his tormentor running free. Poor Sam, he’d just started dealing with the emotional and psychological toll his time with Lucifer took on him under the assumption that he was safe for now, and turns out the Devil has been around this whole time. Oh, and his friend was working with him, but hey at least Lucifer was weakened? I don’t blame Cas so much for his meeting with Lucifer way back when, because he fully intended to tell the Winchesters what was up before the Demon from Georgia showed up. Cas also tells the boys that Mary is alive, and informs them of Michael’s plans to world hop and take over Good Earth. The boys are Shook, which they should be, since even Lucifer is pooping his pants at the thought of a family reunion.
Speaking of Lucifer, he’s not doing so hot. In fact he’s freezing, and hungry, and broke. Looks like stolen Grace burns up even faster in Archangels, and there’s nary a celestial being to be found. He spots a man panhandling, however, and gets an idea. The hangry Prince of Darkness decides to plop his ass down next to the kind, soft spoken panhandler and start yelling at people for money. Or a coat, or their skin, dude’s not picky. The panhandler takes him under his wing (hehe), and invites him to dinner, Good Samaritan that he is. Lucifer is less than grateful, however, when rather than going to a restaurant, dinner is served out of the dumpster out back (I 100% endorse the theory that lasagna is better the next day, btw). When Lucifer asks why the fuck they’re not spending the panhandler’s money on food, his new friend tells him that he’s saving up all his money to see a Faith Healer named Sister Jo about his bum leg. He insists she’s legit, and goes so far as to tell Lucifer about the glowing light that emits from her hands when she touches someone, which gives Luci a big fucking hint about who or what Sister Jo may be.
While the boys and Cas are making up, and the Devil is learning the details of the homelessness crisis in America, we pop in to see a Very Cranky Asmodeus. The Knight of Hell is pissed that Cas and Lucifer managed to escape while he was on his Very Important Errand, which I assume is buying bleach in bulk because his suits are OxiClean white. Ketch, not knowing how to read the room, sasses Asmodeus about his errand, and his reward is orders to kill Lucifer, since imprisoning him doesn’t seem to take. Ketch is assured that it shouldn’t be too hard to kill Satan right now, but if he powers up, well then they’re all gonna be extra-crispy.
Meanwhile in the bunker, Dean shows Cas his new communication skills and apologizes for not realizing Casmodeus wasn’t the real deal.
Cas assures Dean that it’s alright, and that he’s fine. What’s important now is getting Mary and Jack back, which is where Donatello comes in, both literally and figuratively. Once Team Free Will Plus a Ninja Turtle are all together, they go over their super air tight, no problem at all plan of kidnapping Lucifer, stealing what’s left of his Grace, going to Michael’s world, rescuing Jack and Mary, and popping back home without Michael hitching a ride. Seems legit.
They don’t have the handy Angel Tablet, but Sam and Dean figure the Demon Tablet will work just as well, hence the Prophet without a soul, but I’m assuming it’s more likely he’s powered by extremely high cholesterol from all the fried chicken he needs to eat while deciphering the word of God. While Donatello is listing his demands requests, Cas gets a message from his Angel Radio sponsors reporting the death of a Cupid, and we’re off.
Lucifer goes to check out Sister Jo’s (AKA the lovely Danneel Harris-Ackles in her Supernatural debut) act and, finding that she’s the real deal, confronts her after the hall empties out. He tells her that he knows she’s the angel Anael, but she doesn’t skip a beat, even when she sees who he is. He’s slightly miffed, but not enough to stop her exposition on who she is and why she’s here. Turns out Anael was a shitty angel, but when Metatron ousted them, Anael learned to be a savvy businesswoman, healing people for money. Altruism is not high on her list of attributes. When Lucifer tries to steal her Grace and kill her, the always pragmatic Anael suggests they make a deal: rather than draw the attention of Heaven by slaughtering angels for a fix, Anael will allow Lucifer to “sip” Grace from her, allowing her time to recover her Grace (which I wasn’t sure was possible, I thought it was finite) and making sure Lucifer always has a supply. They seal the deal with some creepily sexual Grace vampirism that I would be surprised at, but it’s a BuckLeming episode, so mostly I’m just relieved that she consented.
While Lucifer is sucking down Anael’s life force, Team Free Will is hot on Lucifer’s heels, investigating the Cupid death. Their main worry is that since Lucifer stole the Cupid’s Grace, he may be returning to full power before they have a chance to use him for the portal opening spell. Also, as Dean and Cas put it, they’ll be epically boned. Sam finds the panhandler man, who recognizes Lucifer’s picture and tells them about Sister Jo. The three head to the Hall, where they bump into Ketch lurking in the aisle. Ketch tells them he’s also tracking Lucifer, but shies away when they ask who he’s working for. Ketch tells them that bagging the Devil would be a nice feather in his cap, and suggests a good old fashioned team up. Before he can finish saying ”Huzzah”, Cas grants all the wishes in the world by booping his forehead, knocking him out. Dean stuffs Ketch in the trunk and suggests taking him home, interrogating him, and then killing/burning/flushing him to which Cas enthusiastically agrees (well, as enthusiastically as Cas gets about anything other than bees). Sam shows them a video of Sister Jo’s healing mojo and Cas recognizes her as Anael, but with no body, the boys decide to head home to Ketch Up. I’m so sorry. Before they get to the bunker, however, Sam gets an alert on his phone, telling him that Sister Jo used her credit card.
Turns out Sister Jo used her card to get a motel room that came with a C-rate Skinemax subscription, because that is the music playing in the background while Anael and Lucifer do their gross Grace sucking thing. It may just be me, but I’ve always read the whole “losing one’s Grace” thing as painful and scary, but hey I guess it’s also super hot now? Anyway, after the whole “go slow, take your time” angel porn without the porn stuff, the two plop on the bed and get down to the business of exposition. Anael tells Lucifer about her job counting souls and how she wasn’t appreciated or utilized in Heaven, and how she envies humans their whole ability to love and hope and all that ooey gooey shit Lucifer gives zero fuck about. She tells him that when the angels fell, she was liberated rather than devastated. Lucifer tells her about his Daddy issues because we went a couple episodes without hearing about them, and tells her he’s worried that he too, will be a shitty dad. Not that it matters, though, because Jack already has a dad.
I never thought I’d say this, but thankfully we check in on Asmodeus again, who is told by Demon #4 that they’ve found the Prophet. Disguised as Castiel, Asmodeus gets Donatello to tell all about their plans for Lucifer and the whole door-opening business. He compels Donny to tell him everything he and the boys are up to and steals a piece of chicken before sending the prophet on his way, only to throw the fucking chicken on the ground, I’m assuming because he can tell there wasn’t 11 herbs and spices.
The next day, the boys show up at Anael’s motel, hoping to find her still alive. Lucifer is still whining about his dad while reading the Bible when the room gets a call from the front office telling Sister Jo that her credit card didn’t go through. On her way to sort it out, Cas and the boy intercept her, and she pleads for their help. She tells them that Lucifer threatened her and that he’s still very weak. They all head to her room and just when it looks like Team Free WIll has the upper hand, Anael knocks them out, helping Lucifer to escape (but not before he gets a little gut squeezing in because he’s an asshole) just as Ketch shows up with a demon bomb to save the day. The two poof out and while in the woods, Jo explains again her motives for helping Lucifer.
Back at the motel, Ketch once again suggests that the band get back together, but this time comes clean about working for Asmodeus and volunteering to be a double agent for them. Between Ketch and Donatello, it’ll basically be an information circle-jerk. The boys are reluctant, and Ketch presses on, telling them he’s the lesser of a shitload of evils, and that even he has a line. Eventually they decide that with Lucifer powering up, the times are desperate so the measures may as well be, too.
The boys and Cas head back to the bunker to talk strategy and see how the super stressed out Donatello is doing with the Demon Tablet translation (call me crazy, but I thought Kevin did that already?). They all agree that they can’t trust Ketch and will kill him as soon as they don’t need him anymore and Sam, bless his heart, is so relieved that they finally have a plan.
Lucifer and Anael head to Heaven’s gate and Lucifer somehow manages to convince the angels to not only let him into Heaven, but to fucking rule it. He promises them more angels and their wings. Angels weren’t made to lead, so they give in hella quickly and before you can knock on Heaven’s door, Lucifer is upon his throne, Anael by his side.
Ketch, meanwhile, is telling Asmodeus that he’s not sure he’s gonna be able to kill a full power Lucifer which, duh. Asmodeus reassures him that he may not have to, since his earlier errand was not to get more bleach and chicken as we previously thought, but the get the Archangel blade, which is the only thing that can kill an Archangel. Ignoring the fact that Raphael was killed without the blade, Ketch points out that only an Archangel can wield it and they’re pretty fucking short on those. Asmodeus chuckles and bring Ketch to a cell, and who the fuck is in it?? None other than Gabriel himself! That’s right, the Trickster is back, AKA my favorite Archangel. Gabe’s looking worse for wear, and his mouth is sewn shut but still, I cannot freaking WAIT for more Gabriel.
What did you think of Devil’s Bargain? Were you surprised to see Gabriel back, or did you see it coming?