Carol shaves off the mess of hair that has developed on Glenn’s head over the years. She asks if they can please go faster, but with Pamela being pulled behind on a life raft, it would be too dangerous to go any faster. He recommends that they let Pamela back onto the boat, but no one wants to do that. Gail, realizing that she left her favorite pair of sunglasses on the island, asks if they can go back. Obviously Gail’s sunglasses aren’t a good enough reason to turn around, but as she looks back at the island through her binoculars, she sees that they also left behind one Jasper.
As they turn around, Pamela falls into the water, and Glenn fishes her out. Glenn says, once again, that they should just let her stay on the boat. Gail doesn’t want Pamela on the boat with them, but she thinks they should ‘bite the bullet’ so they can go more quickly. Carol caves but says that Pamela is on very thin ice.
Sitting down for dinner, Todd and Melissa speak in more Shawshank Redemption references, excited for Zihuatanejo. Pamela walks in, doing her best to not be The Worst. She says she just finished cleaning the anchor and proceeds to offer foot massages (along with many other types of massages) to everyone individually. After they all silently decline, she leaves to scrub the deck. Glenn isn’t a fan of the way Pamela is being treated and brings her some food. The two start talking and getting to know each other. Pamela warns Glenn that he shouldn’t be caught being nice to her. While Glenn says he doesn’t care, she still thinks he should fake bark orders at her if they’re ever seen together. One thing apparently leads to another and the two end up having sex.
The next morning, Pamela walks into the kitchen and offers to comb Carol and Gail’s hair. Carol says that that’s something they can do for themselves. Gail slyly asks Pamela if she knows who was making all that racket last night (spoiler: it was Pamela and Glenn). Pamela says that Glenn kept her up, giving her chore after chore to do. They ask her to keep it down next time.
Pamela cleans the windows, and Glenn sneaks up behind her to give his ‘girlfriend’ a hug. Pamela panics that someone might see them, but he insists that he doesn’t care. The gang is having a party, and he wants her to go with him.
The gang is all singing along (note how weird it is to see everyone having fun with Tandy, instead of everyone hating his presence!) to “Old Time Rock n Roll.” When Pamela and Glenn walk in, everyone stops singing, except Tandy, who gets through a few more lines before he realizes what has happened. Glenn starts to make an announcement, but he’s interrupted by Carol yelling “Land!” Everyone rushes on deck to see the coast of Zihuatanejo. Todd comments on how beautiful and white the sand is, but that whiteness turns out to be a bunch of body bags. They walk across the beach, and it hits Glenn hard. He yells at Pamela to get his bags. Todd keeps quoting The Shawshank Redemption and tells Melissa that Zihuatanejo is even more beautiful than he expected. Pamela returns with Glenn’s bags and pretends to go along with his bossiness. Once they find a motel, Pamela compliments his acting abilities, but he says he isn’t acting and that he wants her to leave now. Ugh, guys, amirite?
Carol takes Tandy to their new home — the hospital. She describes it as an ‘upper-from-which-fixer’ (always grammatically correct in the most awkward ways), and says that they’ll obviously get rid of the dead bodies first. Tandy states his appreciation that Carol always sees the potential in everything, but Carol looks out the windows and sees Pamela crying in the courtyard.
At dinner, Todd is still blindly happy to be in Zihuatanejo while Melissa seems disappointed and confused by Todd’s denial. Pamela walks into the bar and says she’s here for dinner. Glenn is rude to Pamela. When Pamela says that she was invited, he asks, “By who?” Carol (and also I) corrects, “By WHOM.” Carol lists many reasons that prove what a jerk Pamela is (i.e. stranding pregnant woman and a newborn baby on an island), but says that it’s not like them to give up on a person. Everyone considers this, except Glenn who says “pass.” After a confrontation filled with soap opera acting, Glenn admits that he’s pushing Pamela away because he’s in love with her, but that he plans on leaving tomorrow. He wants to go home, even though his family will be dead and there is high amounts of radiation all across the United States.
Melissa talks to her husband about his suppressed disappointment in Zihuatanejo. She tells him that the finale scene in Shawshank was actually shot in Saint Croix. He yells at the entire production team for lying to him, and Melissa hugs him. He says he just wanted this place to be perfect for her, but she says anyplace with Todd would be perfect.
Glenn packs his bags in a car and the group gathers to send him off, sans Pamela. They all assume Pamela is too sad to say goodbye, but she shows up, declaring that she won’t miss him… because she is going with him. Pamela hands Carol the bottle of Latisse she had been using on Tandy’s eyebrows and she says goodbye.
So that’s it for our bae, Kristen Wiig. We knew she’d stick around for three episodes, but had hoped we’d be blessed with more. With her character hogging the spotlight, it’ll be good to focus on our OGs again. I’m sure we’ll have more awesome cameos this season (Please let us see Bill Hader. Please let us see Bill Hader.), so be sure to tune in for The Last Man on Earth on FOX Sundays!