The Last Man on Earth 3×15: “Name 20 Picnics… Now!”

If you’re only here to find out if Kristen Wiig has been back on, I’ll go ahead and let you know that there is still no sign on Pamela. Now that we’ve got the most important question out of the way, I present to you the 3×15 recap.

Since Jasper still hasn’t spoken, Tandy put a headset on him in hopes of catching him talking while no one is around. It seems a bit far-fetched that anyone would fall for this when there is a microphone literally right in front of your face, but Jasper would have been very young when civilization as we know it had ended. Pressing his ear up to a speaker, Tandy hears a manly voice. He thinks Jasper has a very deep voice for a boy his age. The man’s voice mentions making a repair, and then he hears a woman. It’s all very confusing to Tandy, but to the audience, this is clearly a cliché porno. Carol finds Jasper gaping at his tablet, and she takes it away. Tandy walks in and Carol nervously informs him that Jasper had gotten into Tandy “self pleasuring library.”

Later, Tandy finds Jasper standing out on the terrace and the two see a shooting star. Tandy tells Jasper that seeing a shooting star means that you get to make a wish. Tandy’s wish is that he could take back what Jasper had seen in that video. Since he can’t, he says he will make this a teachable moment. He uses this opportunity to give Jasper the talk about “the birds and the bees.” He clearly has no idea what he’s supposed to say, and tells Jasper that the bird takes his ‘hmmm’ and puts it in the bee’s ‘hmmm.’ (“That’s not how this works! That’s not how any of this works!”) In the background, we see Melissa meandering around. When Tandy notices Melissa, he asks her to wander around like a zombie elsewhere. Realizing that Jasper may not know what a zombie is, Tandy decides to explain that to him as well. Todd comes in, and Tandy jumps up to ask him to take Melissa away from Jasper. Todd hands Melissa her medication. He’s been unable to get the dosage right so far, which is why she’s so zombie-like. He’s not sure if she needs a larger dose or a smaller one.

Gail, Erica and Carol are in Erica and Jasper’s room. Gail is looking at one of Jasper’s drawings of a police car when she notices Erica’s baby bump. Erica comments that it basically just looks like a beer belly at this point. Carol looks down at her own belly, which hasn’t bumped out yet. She starts acting weird, and when Erica claims to have popped a button off of her pants yesterday, Carol demands to see these now buttonless pants. When Erica says that she can show them to Carol, Carol pretends like she has no interest in these pants.

The group of adults sit at a table and discuss Jasper’s silence. They gather that Jasper understands them because of how many times he has rolled his eyes at Tandy’s comments. Carol says that she can’t understand why anyone would not talk, stating that when she has the urge to not talk, she talks about it. (Same, girl. Same.) Todd reminds them that Jasper has been all alone since he was four or five years old, and that his parents are dead. This is a lot of assumption, but everyone believes it to be true. When thinking about all of the birthdays, Christmases, Halloweens, and various other holidays he has missed, Carol suggests that they throw him a massive party that covers all of the holidays. Everyone thinks this is an amazing idea, and Todd thinks this would be good for Melissa, too. The ladies take off to start planning, and Tandy approaches Todd who is pulling flatware out of the blender, thanks to Melissa. Tandy recommends that Melissa doesn’t come to this party. He doesn’t think Jasper is comfortable around her. Todd is irritated that Tandy would even ask this. He sarcastically agrees, but Tandy doesn’t pick up on the sarcasm, thanks him, and leaves.

Jasper, dressed in a classic Batman suit, stares at a lethargic Melissa swinging on a swing on the other side of the room. Tandy walks in and tells Jasper that he has nothing to fear when it comes to Melissa. Todd sees this interaction and it feeds his irritation. Todd asks how Jasper will ever learn to feel comfortable around Melissa if Tandy keeps him away from her. Todd reluctantly agrees to keep Melissa away for now, but he still finds this ridiculous.

The ladies (sans Melissa) head to the party story to get supplies for Jasper’s party. Gail leaves Carol and Erica alone while she gets her gun out of the car. Once Gail is away, Carol discreetly drops a few buttons, pretending that they popped off of her outfit, like Erica’s. Gail couldn’t find her gun, so she drives her car into the store to smash the doors open.

Back home, Todd takes Melissa outside for a picnic, across the small pond where Jasper is playing. When Todd opens the basket, it’s not filled with food. Instead, it’s filled with toys and treats. Todd speaks in a loud, staged sort of way in an attempt to catch Jasper’s attention. Jasper notices, but stays on his side of the pond with the toys he already has. Tandy catches Todd in his ploy, but Todd claims that he has always loved picnics and has them all the time. Trying to catch Todd in his lie, Tandy asks Todd to name twenty picnics he’s had. Todd can only think of two. After a bit of bickering back and forth, Tandy reminds Todd that he’s still invited to the party, and only Melissa can’t go. Todd asks what night the party is (tonight), and then says that he’s busy.

When it’s time for the party, someone makes a noise with a blow horn to get Jasper’s attention. He leaves his tent (where he had been drawing what appears to be his dad in the picture of the police car from earlier), and follows a trail of candy left for him.

Once he gets to the end, Tandy greets him, dressed as “Rabbi-Jack-O-Thanks-Bunny-Claus,” followed by Carol as “Lady Liberty-Patrick-Cupid-Claus.” After telling and showing Jasper that they have all of the holidays represented, Carol takes him over to a gateway holiday, Arbor Day.

Todd tries to have his own party with Melissa in Melissa’s room, complete with rap music and alcohol. Todd is dancing and drinking while Melissa lies catatonic on her bed.  Later, his party turns into a movie night, and the movie choice is Milk. We see a clip of the speech from the movie, and drunk Todd becomes inspired.

Carol sums up the Fourth of July before heading to Easter, where Gail is expected to be dressed like the Easter Bunny. Instead, she walks out wearing bunny ears and a very plain shirt. Unenthusiastically, she says “I’m the Easter Bunny. Nibble, nibble.” Carol is clearly disappointed, but Erica tries to keep the energy and excitement up.

 

Erica gets ready to go on as Mardi Gras while Carol preps for Labor Day. Erica says that Labor Day will be a tough one because “there’s not much going on there.” Carol takes this as a double meaning for her lack of baby bump. Erica asks how Carol can be jealous that Erica’s baby bump came first when she got pregnant weeks before Carol did, and Carol admits that she’s been acting so weird because she’s scared that she isn’t really pregnant or that something happened to her baby.

While Tandy teaches Jasper the joy that is leaving bags of dog poop in burning paper bags on people’s doorsteps on Halloween, drunk Todd walks in saying “trick or treat, smell my feet give us something good to eat.” Tandy asks him what he’s doing there, and Todd tells him that he and Melissa are trick-or-treating, dressed as two nice people who belong at parties. Todd and Tandy get in each other’s face and decide to go outside and fight. Once outside, the guys mainly just yell at each other. Eventually, Tandy charges at Todd unsuccessfully. Todd is poised to punch Tandy in the face when they hear a siren.

Intrigued, the gang goes up front and sees Melissa and Jasper laughing in a police car. Tandy and Todd both apologize to each other. There’s another shooting star going by, and everyone makes silent wishes. Unknown to our group, that ‘shooting star’ is actually a blazing satellite, hurtling toward Earth, which eventually crashes into a store.

Well, yikes. Only three episodes (and two weeks?) left! The Last Man on Earth airs Sundays at 9:30/8:30c!