“This is why I’m growing out my public hair”
–Rebecca Bunch; feminist, activist, hero.
Now donut & later donut.
After a fantastic little opening where cave-woman Rebecca is eating the lice off of cavewoman-Valencia, we come back to reality where actual Rebecca is trying to convince Heather that herself & Valencia need to bond and heal and become friends. Heather, obviously, thinks this is crazy.
I just had an abortion dammit it would’ve been nice to talk to my best friend about it!
Rebecca doesn’t despair though, we see her the next morning giving the exact same speech to Paula, even though it’s her first day of Law School and she probably has other things she wants to talk about. Paula also tells her to leave Valencia alone, no woman wants to be friends with “the other woman.” As is on brand for her, Becks doesn’t listen and leaves, prompting the guy sitting behind Paula (HI PARVESH CHEENA) to assume she’s her daughter because she has that “me me me” vibe about her. As Paula is talking about their great friendship, she realizes that she’s more of a sidekick and blurts out the fact that she had an abortion. Not to be outdone, Sunil announces that his wife killed herself. Instant friendship bonds happening up in here.
Susie Reynolds is fine, she’s a state senator now!
Not one to take anyone’s advice, Rebecca goes over to Valencia’s apartment to convince her to agree to bond with her. Valencia doesn’t want any part of this, of course. Becks keeps pushing and pushing, noticing that V is eating muffins which is totally off brand & a cry for help. Alas, Valencia denies being sad about Josh, she brings Rebecca down a peg by insisting that she was just a failed rebound & that they are so not in the same boat, and then she pushes her out the door.
Color, shape & number of bumpy things
Speaking of Josh, he’s come into work SIX hours early to organize things and clear his head. His boss immediately figures out that Josh is spiralling because he doesn’t have a girlfriend and he’s a serial monogamist. He leaves Josh to think on “being alone” and as Josh is doing the Lord’s work aka detangling headphones, he starts singing a Jack Johnson-y song about being alone with bad thoughts. It’s another instance of “the happy man” being sad and tbh it’s super worrying.
–R: Wow, a shirt with sleeves! You meeting the president?
–J: Ahh that’s a good bit. What number muffin is that for today? I Feel like every time I’m in here you’re piling another one down the hatch.
–R: Yeah well, you’re in here a lot cos we get it you and Darryl are in love
–J: Oh, we don’t say that to each other. I haven’t met his daughter yet so…
–R: An insecurity! Me likey.
WiJo is in the office again, and after an adorable exchange with Rebecca, he’s rescued by Darryl who got them both matching leggings for The Electric Mesa festival. They start telling Becks about how the Electric Mesa festival is a place to connect, refresh * heal. She starts reading the brochure and gets that crazed look in her eye like she’s planning something.
Yes, that is the distance we will be travelling.
Becks shows up to Valencia’s house again after the epiphany she got from the brochure. She says that she just wants to go to Dairy Queen for a blizzard or 2. Valencia agrees because duh Blizzard’s are delicious. Instead of just taking that win, Rebecca kidnaps her and brings her to the Mesa. Lying about ice-cream is a bigger betrayal than all the Josh stuff in my opinion. My favourite thing about this entire scene though is that Valencia is in the same outfit/pj’s that she was in when we saw her a few days ago! I felt so understood by the TV.
Starve, sweat, hand-sanitize
They get to the festival and Valencia is still not feeling it. She only agrees to give it a shot because she has nothing else to do. They look for a spot for their tiny shared tent and chat a little about how Valencia feels like she’s fat but she’s already losing weight in the heat. Elsewhere, WiJo is setting up his & Darry’s fancy-ass tent. Darryl starts to realize that he might be the oldest person there until he sees a man walking towards them who has a distinguished air about him. The dude comes over to say hey because he knows WiJo. Darryl quickly inserts himself in the situation & calls him an oldster which isn’t cool but he doesn’t seem to mind.
Next we pay a visit to Paula & Sunil in class. They’re realizing how hard it is to type and listen and understand and the millennial in the front row with the magical note taking app isn’t helpful AT ALL. #NotAllMillennials. Later while they’re having lunch & going over their notes, Paula & Sunil decide to skulk and sneak into the millennial’s computer to steal his software.
As a side-note to Rachel/Aline/anyone, if that’s a real app, please I need the name of it!!!!
Decked in Becks’ never before used workout clothes, Valencia is trying to enjoy her sensory bath while Rebecca is blabbering on about Josh being on the spectrum and having narcissistic personality disorder. Finally, for her own sanity, Valencia insists that they don’t talk about Josh anymore ever On the other side of the tent, Wijo, Darryl & the oldster from before are also meditating when the bomb is dropped on D that that dude is actually Josh’s ex-boyfriend. As if this wasn’t depressing enough, the speakers stop working & there’s no more music. You know who supplied the speakers for the festival? ALOHA! Guess who they send to fix it? JOSH! Guess Becks & V will have to deal with him sooner than they thought.
Valencia really wants to leave but Rebecca is suuuuper intent on them bonding so they head over to the bar thing to get a drink. The fake British bartender has set out 4 drinks in front of her and without asking what’s in the cups, they just drink ALL of it! Both women start hallucinating themselves in a magical drug ballet. Valencia starts out doing a beautiful ballet with Josh (kudos to Gabrielle & Vinnie) but then stabs him & in Rebecca’s version, she’s dressed as a dinosaur that eats Josh’s heart. They emerge from this bad trip with V realizing how sad she actually is and how much Josh hurt her & Rebecca being super fucking mad and wanting to kill him. As they’re talking about never wanting to see Josh again, HE SHOWS UP TO FIX THE SPEAKERS YAY.
You love all the classic flavours don’t ya!
Darryl is super jealous of WiJo’s dating history and WiJo finds it adorable. As they take a little hike, they run into 5 people, 4 of whom Josh had dated in the past. Now Darryl is convinced that Josh has a fetish, that he doesn’t actually like him for him, so he walks off angrily.
Until I saw Pippin
Two new friends who aren’t fighting, Paula & Sunil, have chosen to break into the millennial’s dorm room and steal his software. Decked out in full black outfits with hats, they attack his computer. After Paula can’t get the app, Sunil saves the day with his software programming skills and Paula vows to get him a friendship bracelet
I ain’t that kind of party
Instead of hiding from Josh until he leaves, Rebecca convinces V to “lean in” and pee all over Josh’s equipment so they can liberate themselves from his cisgender hegemonic hold on their imaginations. They feel great after having done it, & Rebecca is excited that she got to see Valencia’s vagina (okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay weirdo). They feel super slick and are talking about how it’s awesome that Josh won’t ever know it was them when Josh walks into the tent!
This is the reason there’s a pay gap
He’s always popping up when he’s not wanted today. Instead of hiding away and spinning some random tale, they stand up for themselves. In a beautiful show of female friendship and support. Rebecca rails on Josh for mistreating Valencia and Valencia rails on him for breaking Rebecca’s heart. This scene gave me so much life it was so incredible and empowering and I hope it sticks
– This woman is a goddess and a leader and you should’ve worshipped her!
– & Rebecca is a super smart dynamo with a feminist bikini area that you should’ve treated with respect!
Some people like being choked by red liquorice
Valencia feels so dope after that pee/therapy session that she barters for an outfit, loses all the extra sadness weight and she and Rebecca hug it out. As she’s going off to correct people’s yoga postures, Darryl walks towards Rebecca, surprised to see her. For once, Becks notices that someone else looks bummed and asks him what’s up. It turns out, now that Darryl found out that Josh has a fetish, he doesn’t feel special anymore. Rebecca reassures him that he is special, WiJo is in the office practically every day just to see him. She encourages them to talk and feels really proud of herself.
Darryl finds WiJo doing angry exercise. They chat openly and honestly about what’s been bugging them. Darryl feels like he’s the only one with insecurities, especially after seeing Josh’s abs. Josh confesses some of his issues, like how he thinks Darryl just sees him as a boy toy, that he doesn’t take him seriously, and that’s why he hasn’t introduced him to Madison. Darryl apologizes, saying he didn’t want to freak Josh out with a serious commitment and Josh comes back with “I want something serious. I want that with you, not someone whose your type, YOU!” They finally tell each other “I love you” and it’s so beautiful and I cried again watching this scene.
Your equipment smells delicious
As Josh is packing up the Aloha equipment, he tells Sherpa Allen that he realized he wants to take a loooooooooooooooong break from women & dating. But, as is the trope, as soon as he says this, Brittany Snow shows up, smiles her fantastic smile, and renders him speechless. Later, when Josh is trying to organize and do inventory, she pops back up in his thought bubbles and he’s totally going to call her.
I like your boyfriend Daddy
JOSH IS MEETING MADISON! AND HE GOT HER A PLUSH SNAIL! HE’S SO CUTE OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. Madison is more into Pegasuses now so she wants him to also get her one of those & WiJo is down. All three of them walk off together and Madison holds Josh’s hand and it’s so perfect I’m crying again.
You’re basic but in an enjoyable way
Now that Becks & V are bonded, they’re having coffee with Heather and just chilling. Paula & Sunil walk into the same donut shop and the best friends formerly known as #Rebaula have literally the world’s most awkward interaction. They each go to their separate tables and somber music plays as they look at each other longingly.
After the #Grexit, I didn’t think I would ever be happy. I guess in a way, The Electric Mesa festival helped me heal too. I don’t think there’s ever been a bad episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend & on American Thanksgiving, that is what I’m most thankful for!
See you bitches next week for “Who Needs Josh When You Have A Girl Group?”