Finally getting to watch a new episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend last week felt like glitter was exploding inside of me. Sometimes shows get a lot of critical acclaim during their initial season and come back with an over-inflated ego and having lost their magic (cough cough Unreal, Quantico, Empire cough) but not Crazy Ex-Girlfriend; they came back in full force, with incredible new music & character developments not just for Rebecca but for everyone in the ensemble.
Basically, the premiere picked up 15 minutes after Rebecca’s shocking post-coital revelation to Josh, where she spins the whole thing and makes him think he said “love story” and he needs to slow down.
After a brand new theme song, all about how she’s not crazy because she’s in love and being in love excuses craziness, there’s a three week flash forward. Rebecca has just given Josh a blowjob and he gets up to go crash on her couch (without returning the favour, which is the rudest thing he’s ever done). Turns out, he let Valencia have their apartment & is in between places.
Five minutes in, we finally get our first glimpse of queen Paula & all is right with the world. Paula is no longer #TeamJosh’s biggest fan, in fact she thinks that Josh is “effsploiting” Rebecca (using her for sex) and not “respeffing” (respect fucking?) the hell out of her like she thinks he is. Paula points out that every move they’ve made in their “relationship” (it’s not one babes) has been Rebecca’s idea, with Josh just going along with it; like that same morning when Rebecca offered him a drawer for his stuff and he took it.
Queen Paula wants to know what evidence Rebecca actually has that Josh loves her, and we go into the first music video of the season, a Lemonade-esque song about “love kernels/droplet,” the little things Josh says that Rebecca interprets as gestures of love. It’s incredible and you can watch it here.
The next day, Paula & Scott are talking about Rebecca and also the sex harness they just got from Amazon Prime. It’s great to see them boning all the time now but maybe they should talk about other things they have in common, Scott is getting extremely good at Rebecca trivia, like obsessive fangirl level good.
THEN WE GET TO SEE HECTOR! Hector is back! My perfect angel! He & Josh are talking about how J needs to get his shit together and stop messing with Rebecca, maybe move in with his best friend (mom) like Hector. Then Hector gets gross and wants sex details so Josh tells him to shut up and reiterates that Rebecca isn’t crazy.
In a perfect segway, we cut to Rebecca and the magical drawer she’s created for Josh with light boxes and music. He thinks it’s a little much and he seems confused until she pulls out handcuffs from the secret compartment and distracts him with sex; thanks Amazon Prime!
After the sexy times, Josh is back to sleeping on the couch. He has a weird nightmare about Greg visiting his girlfriend Rebecca and also being a falcon, so he freaks out, packs all of his things from the drawer and leaves in the middle of the night. She tries to convince him that Greg’s not a falcon but he’s all “HOW DO YOU KNOW?!” He wants to put a pin in their relation whatever it is they’re doing until they find Greg and make sure he’s okay with the whole thing
This sets Rebecca on a mission to find Greg. She calls his mom’s house, where he said he’d be but it turns out that whole botched face surgery thing was a lie. She then asks Chris, the kid whose always at Home Base; Greg’s boss; and Heather. None of those guys will tell her what Greg’s deal is so she takes some plain hummus (ew why) to his dad’s place.
Papa Greg shuts her down but he takes the hummus. THEN GREG APPEARS! So he’s been at home in West Covina this whole time but his dad has been covering for him. He looks so sad and broken it makes you want to hug him but you can’t because this isn’t real and also the show is still going on.
Josh officially has no place to live so he’s been crashing at Aloha’s, but his boss tells him to woman up and figure his shit out. Simultaneously at Whitefeather, Rebecca is trying to flirt with Paula to get her to do some spy shit and find Greg’s whereabouts. This new dynamic is interrupted by WHITE JOSH! He’s bringing Darryl his lunch BECAUSE ADORABLENESS! Darryl then gives Joshua a key to his ap-HEART-ment. Feeling all mushy and emotional and in want of love (who wouldn’t be after watching those two be cute together omg) Rebecca makes bambi eyes at Paula until she agrees to help find Greg.
Queen Paula does some magical spy shit (turning Rebecca and all of us on) and they find that Greg has been going to a place on East Cameron every day – EVERYTHING IS ON EAST CAMERON HOW WILL WE KNOW WHAT THE PLACE IS?! The only way to find out is to go to there so they head out.
Meanwhile, actual Josh is having Boba with his mom, who is so thrilled that her son is “coming home.”
DO YOU KNOW WHERE GREG IS? I bet you can guess – but if you haven’t been paying attention to how much he drinks, he’s an alcoholic and is attending AA meetings. We get to listen it on him sharing his story, mainly that he was still legally drunk the morning after Jayma’s wedding so he was arrested and sentenced to daily AA meetings. And as a sign of growth, he actually started taking this seriously and is really turning his life around.
Back at home, Paula has realized that she’s addicted to Rebecca’s life. Helpful insightful Scott suggests that she focus on other things that bring her the joy that doing immoral things for Rebecca brings her. OOH YAS SCOTT SUPPORT YOUR WIFE’S AMBITIONS YAS INSPIRE HER YAAAS.
At the office, Rebecca is presenting some nonsense plan about a radio contest that gets Josh & Greg to hang out and soften the blow when he finds out about her & J doing it. Paula stops her and presents her with a legal contract that stipulates that her services as a friend exclude shenanigans. Rebecca is annoyed but impressed by the work that went into the contract and Paula’s face lights up <3.
Rebecca sings the thing AND THERE ARE SOOO MANY EMOTIONS IN THEIR FACES IT BREAKS MY HEART.
After having drinks with Hector who I think is too into his mom, Josh goes to Rebecca’s to find the fancy socks for his sweaty feet. Because these 2 are children governed by their hormones, they say they shouldn’t have sex but then they start having sex multiple times. They promise it’s their last sex night but we probably can’t trust them.
The episode ends, as romantic music plays, with Rebecca making sleeping Josh spoon her; Darryl & WhiteJosh looking at what I’m assuming is a furniture catalogue; Greg drinking orange Soda and watching TV & Queen Paula applying to Law School!!!
Shoutout to Emmy winner Kat M Burns for her cameo before the title card, I will leave you with this adorable picture of #WhiteJoshFeather until we meet again next week for a brand new recap
Don’t forget to watch episode 2 of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend tonight at 9/8c on The CW!