The Good Place – Chapter 5: Category 55 Emergency Doomsday Crisis

IT’S WORKING GUYS! ELEANOR IS A GOOD PERSON NOW!

Michael, wanting to boost morale in The Good Place after that sinkhole disaster form last week, adds a bajillion new frozen yogurt flavors  to the menu, like “full cell phone battery” which tastes the way you feel when your phone is charged and so must be the greatest flavor of all time! When Eleanor can’t decide which flavor she wants to get, she lets Gunner cut in front of her (he orders “folded laundry” in case you were wondering). Homegirl is so excited, she runs home to tell Chidi about her momentarily good person-ness.

Cut to, the classroom where Chidi is teaching Eleanor & JianYu about Utilitarianism. JianYu asks to be excused so he can go to Tahani’s brunch party before the mini waffles run out. Likewise, Chidi wants to take a break from teaching and presumably do something fun. Interestingly though, Eleanor is hella psyched about learning and seems like she never wants to stop.

And now, Michael’s Western Hemisphere Brunch Banter 101

  • “That New Yorker article was CRAZY!”
  • “You HAVEN’T seen Hamilton?”
  • “Hey, did you hear about Stephanie?”

He probably had more useful advice to give but Janet pops in, informing him of a category 55 emergency DOOMSDAY crisis! Michael asks Tahani to show him to a private room where no one can hear him scream out of fear. The sinkhole is not repairing itself & Michael is freaking out, especially after Tahani tells him she saw it get bigger *gasp reserved for all mundane news*.

Back at Eleanor’s mini-house, Chidi seems to be avoiding her but he won’t tell her or us what’s wrong with him. Next door, Tahani is SNOOPING in Michael’s magical hologram thing and finds out that she’s second to last in the neghborhood’s good person rankings. This revelation sends her into a flashback where her parents  totally neglect her and only care about her overachieving sister (been there girl).

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We cut back to our favourite soulmate couple AND THEY’RE FIGHTING! Who would’ve thought that Chidi doesn’t want to spend all of eternity teaching and spending 24 hours a day with Eleanor? He just wants to ride out on a lake with a good bottle of wine to read some french poetry. Just as they decide to fake it in public but never seen each other anymore, a blaring alarm sounds and you’re like oh no, did Michael hear that? Is that what happens when soulmates break up?! But It’s just a warning to  everyone to not leave their houses or go outside under ANY circumstance.

2 days later, Eleanor is sprawled on the couch & looks the way I do at the end of a particularly lazy Sunday. The relaxation almost turns into a fight but Michael surprises them with house guests in the knick of time. Bart & Nina live next door to the sinkhole & he wants Eleanor to put them up for somewhere between an hour to eleven months!

It’s a good thing Tahani’s house is huuuuuge because almost everyone in the neighborhood is still there. She even stayed up ALL NIGHT to make an activity chart, but when she snoops the ranking again, her position hasn’t changed. We see another flashback to her sister upstaging her at her own auction!

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Bart & Nina are OBSESSED with Chidi & Eleanor’s relationship! She’s a marriage counsellor and he’s a “human lie detector” so needless to say, E&C are verrrry worried about their situation right now (unless, as Eleanor thinks, they’re just there to swing). As they’re fighting (but not making out even though that argument was hot) they see that Nina & Bart actually saw THE WHOLE THING! At least they didn’t hear that though am I right?

Nina attributes their “soulmate squabble” to the stress of the sinkhole and Bart picks up a lot of repressed anged. He’s all “you are hiding something” BUT HE’S NOT TALKING TO KRISTEN BELL LIKE YOU’D THINK HE WAS, CHIDI IS HIDING A THING!

Out in the town square, Janet & Michael assess that the sinkhole is getting suuuuuper dangerous. Tahani shows up to help and brings donut holes – she’s super proud of her little snack joke but it’s exactly nine days too soon for the joke, according to Janet. Apparently this sinkhole has side effects on humans because weird things start happening to Tahani’s face so Janet knocks her out.

Eleanor wants Chidi “be like the exact right amount of honest so we can both be happy.” He confesses that he never really had a girlfriend on earth that he loved so he was really excited to finally get a soulmate, but it’s not what he expected. Bart & Nina just tell him to hang in there and get used to having an intense relationship. Bart then starts talking about the art of massage that often leads to an erotic place so Eleanor grabs Chidi and says they’re going to bed “alone, just the two of us, alone.”

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Tahani wakes up and thinks she’s fixed the sinkhole & is a heroine! She confesses to Michael that she saw the rankings and wanted to be a hero, that’s why she went outside, The last flashback is to her parents’ lawyers office as she reads their will in which they “bequeath the rest of their assets to TAHINI.” Her own parents spelled her name wrong. This infuriates her, she yells at her sister, and then storms out, leaving me to wonder when exactly she died. Back in The Good Place she tells Michael that she doesn’t get why she’s ranked so low! Michael reassures her that she has nothing else to prove to ~anyone~ and that she was still one of the best out of BILLIONS of people.

The sinkhole has finally repaired itself so it is safe to go outside again! Eleanor asks Chidi to meet her at the lake where she’s prepared a boat, wine and a book of poems. She also presents him with a “Fork off, Eleanor” card that he can present when the act of her existence is too much for him & he needs a break. This is actual growth for Eleanor & it’s great to see. Once on the boat, Chidi admits that he doesn’t actually know how to row so I will be worried about him until next week’s episode.

In the town square, Michael admits to Eleanor that he didn’t fix the sinkhole, it just magically patched itself up that morning (JUST AS ELEANOR MADE THINGS RIGHT WITH CHIDI OH DAMN SHE HAS SO MUCH POWER). He is very worried and asks her to come into work tomorrow to figure out exactly what’s going on!

The Good Place just keeps taking the story to a better place every week (eh guys, my pun guys) and we are so blessed to be along for the ride. New episodes air Thursdays at 8:30 on NBC, following Superstore.

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Author: Hasti

a potato who likes nice things.

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