Behold House TGON, a group of loyal GoT nerds who will provide recaps for you every week. Beware, this post is dark and full of spoilers.
Bran Stark is back after a season spent in a cave beyond the Wall, training with the Three-Eyed Raven who is helping him hone his powers as a greenseer. In addition to Bran’s ability to enter and control animals and people, his powers also include being something of a time traveler. He’s not actually there, but he watches his father, a very young Ned Stark, sparring in the courtyard with his brother, Benjen. I have long wanted to see Lyanna Stark in a flashback and sure enough, in she comes, riding a white horse, and it’s everything I dreamed it would be. We also see a young Hodor, who is actually a stable boy named Wylas. Not-So-Old Nan also makes an appearance, dragging Hodor/Wylas away before he can spar with the Stark boys. Bran is finally back home at Winterfell and he doesn’t want to leave, but the Three-Eyed Raven forces him back to the cave, where we see that he is tangled up in the weirwood tree roots. Bran asks why he had to leave so soon when he is finally seeing something worthwhile and the Three-Eyed Raven tells him that it is dangerous to stay in a vision too long. Hodor is there, along with Leaf, the Child of the Forest who saved them (or most of them—RIP Jojen Reed) from the wights at the end of season 4.
Meera is just outside the cave. She is still mourning the death of her brother and she’s tired of sitting around watching Bran slip in and out of his body. And honestly who can blame her? She wants to leave but Bran tells her that there’s a war coming and it isn’t safe for them outside the cave. He’s not wrong, either. They are beyond the Wall where there are wildlings and wights and White Walkers and all kinds of nasty stuff that want to kill them. After Bran goes back into the cave, Leaf tells Meera that she has to stay because Bran is going to need her help once he is done with his training and they leave.
In one of Meereen’s pyramids, Tyrion is drinking wine and meeting with his “small council”, consisting of Grey Worm, Missandei, and Varys. They relay bad news after bad news; they haven’t found the men who burned the ships, slavers have retaken the rest of Slaver’s Bay, and the remaining dragons are not eating – something Tyrion attributes to them being in captivity. That’s what Tyrion does: he drinks and he knows things. He says that dragons are smart and have great affection for friends and fury for enemies. Perhaps having too much wine, he decides that he is going to prove to the dragons that he is their friend.
Deep in the catacombs, Tyrion slowly approaches the chained creatures, only to get a burst of dragonfire inches from his face. Not off to a good start. He slowly approaches Rhaegal, keeping the beast calm with a heartwarming story about how he always wanted a dragon, and cried himself to sleep when he found they were extinct. In a swift motion, he frees Rhaegal from his shackles and wheels around to come face to face with Viserion – the triplet who had breathed fire at him moments before. After a tense moment, the dragon relaxes and extends his neck, begging for his own chain to be removed.
Tyrion Lannister, the Dragon Whisperer!
The dwarf quickly removes the bolt from Viserion’s shackles, and as the dragons slither off in the darkness, he retrieves his torch and flees to the entrance of the dungeon where Varys is waiting. Tyrion pleads that the next time he has an idea like that, Varys is to punch him in the face.
So I’m sure you’ve heard these words before: “Joy, Love, Happily ever afters.” Sadly these words haven’t applied to Game Of Thrones before, so why start now? We’ve reached the day of Princess Myrcella’s funeral, upon which Cersei has been banned from attending. Tommen, in an act of guilt over not protecting his wife and mother previously, bars Cersei from the funeral and insists she stay in the Red Keep. Angry, she returns to her tower with The zombie-Mountain in tow to brood. Jamie gently demands that Tommen go see his mother and seek her forgiveness, of which she readily gives him. It’s a very touching Mother/son moment, and while they’re bonding, The douche noodle of Kings Landing, also known as The High Sparrow, confronts Jamie. The single-handed Lannister threatens to kill him multiple times, but stops his attacks when a handful of baby douche sparrows reveal themselves, armed and ready. It’s the last we see of Jamie, so here’s hoping he slaughters them all. But while we’re on the subject of slaughters and Jamie, what ever happened to Bronn? Does anyone know?
Not much in the way of new things happened with Arya. She was beaten up again by the House Of Black and White waif, but after Arya starts blindly swinging back, (Pun totally intended, don’t judge me.) Jaqen H’ghar grabs her staff and tells her if she reveals her name, she will have a place to sleep. She tells him she is no one. Again, he tells her if she speaks her true name, her belly will be full on that night. She hesitates, but steels herself an again says “no one.” He takes the staff away and tells her to follow him, so it seems her training with the House of Black and White will continue. Don’t disappoint me, Game Of Thrones writers, because I’m expecting a badass Arya by the end of this season.
Sansa is now under Brienne’s protection (and thank the Gods, old and new, for that). Brienne tells her what she knows of Arya, which isn’t much except that when she finally found her, Arya refused to go with her and chose to stay with the Hound. Theon has decided that he is going to go home to the Iron Islands since he knows Sansa is in safe hands with Brienne. He would have died to get Sansa to Jon at Castle Black, but even though Sansa wants Theon to come with them, he refuses. He believes that Jon will kill him for his many, MANY crimes against the Stark family. Sansa tells him to take the black, which would wipe the slate clean, but Theon doesn’t want forgiveness for the awful things he’s done.
Then we see some major drama go down at the Iron Islands. After an argument with Yara, Balon Greyjoy is thrown off a bridge by his brother (maybe?). The problem is, no one saw this, and Yara now vows revenge on the Salt Throne (which isn’t hers yet). What does this mean for Theon? Will he actually be more welcome, now?
I would like to thank God and also Jesus for this episode of Game of Thrones. We start off with Davos, Ghost, and Jon’s few other allies defending his body from Alliser and his men, who are ready to kill every last one of them. Then, just in the knick of time, we hear someone banging on the front gate…IT’S WUN WUN. Yep, Edd has returned with all of Jon’s wildling allies and they are ready to fight! And, as we already knew, the Night’s Watch is a bunch of sissy losers, so Jon’s army (what I will call them from now on) locked them up pretty quick.
A little later, we see a defeated Melissandre, sitting by the fire. Davos comes in and implores her to use any magic she still has to save Jon Snow. She swears she doesn’t have that gift, but Davos convinces her to try anyway. We then see Melissandre cleaning of Jon’s body, cutting his hair, and performing some sort of spell. Davos, Tormund, Edd, and Ghost are also present. After a bit, it seems like the spell isn’t going to work, so everyone leaves, defeated. Then, we see Ghost perk up and Jon spring back to life!!
What does this mean for him now? Will he leave the Night’s Watch? Will he create his own army? Most importantly, will he still be the same Jon Snow we know and love??
Side Note: Ramsay Bolton is the worst. He murdered 3 people this episode. I mean, Roose deserved it, but still. He is Satan.
Deaths: 4; Resurrections: 1; Net total: 3